Rating: Teen - Mature

Category: F/M

Tags/contains: Fake Dating, Friendship, past trauma, conflicting views regarding marriage, Hetty is very horny, Trevor is a sweet fake boyfriend, courtship rituals, Rating will go up in later chapters, Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Public Displays of Affection, Musicals references, Spoilers for ALL of season one, old-timey gibberish, Cunnilingus, silly role play, recreational scolding, thigh trap, No beta we go down like Elias!

Summary: Sasappis starts a rumor that Trevor has a crush on Hetty. When they find out about it, they give the other ghosts something to talk about!

Rumor Has It

by Hestia01

Chapter 1: Something to Talk About

It had been quiet around Woodstone Mansion for the past few days. Too quiet, Sasappis thought. It was time to stir up some drama. He looked surreptitiously around at the ghosts, thinking hard about who to pick to start some gossip about. Over the general chatter, Sasappis heard Trevor's voice, desperately trying to regale Alberta and Pete in some ridiculous story that nobody ever understood. He grinned in evil amusement; Trevor would be fun to pick on a bit. The man was too big for his nonexistent britches. What rumor could he spin about the hotshot?

Sam was coming down the stairs, deep in conversation with Hetty. He'd seen those two draw closer together in recent weeks, especially after Sam had seen her mother get sucked off. She needed a substitute, and Hetty was there to fill in. She was even a blood relative, so it worked out especially well. Sasappis wouldn't admit to having a soft spot for Hetty, but one couldn't exactly watch a person for her whole life and live with her for her entire afterlife without feeling some attachment.

By some perfect chance, Trevor stopped talking right when Hetty and Sam walked in and gave them a strangely guilty look. Had he been sharing some lewd story deemed not fit for ladies? Had he been talking about one of them? Who knows? Not that it made any difference with the seed he was about to plant. Storyteller, it's a gift! He waited until he was alone with Alberta and Pete and gave a knowing look at where the others had disappeared to.

“Did you guys see that?” He asked innocently enough.

Pete and Alberta gave a double-take. “See what?” Pete asked.

“The look he gave her,” Sasappis alluded vaguely with a perfectly straight face. No shenanigans here!

“What look? That who gave who?” Alberta wanted to know.

“Trevor...at Hetty. I mean, you've seen it before, right?”

Pete shook his head, bewildered. “I haven't seen anything. What are you saying?”

Sasappis allowed himself a laugh, a deprecating laugh at an oblivious friend. “He's got a thing for her. You've seen how he likes to get under her skin. He's flirting with her, but she can't tell because he hasn't sent her a gold-inscribed invitation.” He punctuated this by holding his hands in an imitation of Hetty's usual stance, with an exaggerated flounce of the backside. That got a laugh out of his audience at least!

“You're sure about that?” Alberta asked, not believing it. “They can't stand each other!”

“It's all tension. He knows he can't have her, even he knows he'll never be good enough for her, so he gets his kicks by jerking her around.”

“Hmm...interesting,” Alberta considered, grinning to herself over this morsel of gossip. “Little Trev, pining for our Hetty. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance!”

“Right?” Sasappis laughed, nudging Pete. “She's way too classy for him.”

“Oh, I don't think we should make fun. If he's hurting, there's nothing funny about that. And it does explain his behavior. Poor guy,” Pete got right to the heart of the matter and had genuine pity for his brash nearly-contemporary. He, too, knew what it was like to love someone from afar. To be certain that there wasn't any hope of returned feelings.

Alberta sashayed out of the room, in the direction that Hetty and Sam had gone. Sasappis watched her go with a satisfied smirk. “The board is set, the pieces are moving. And it had been such a quiet day.”

“Hey, ladies!” Alberta greeted them as she approached. “Ooh, I just heard something from Sas! And it's about you, Hetty!”

Hetty drew herself up in defense, annoyed at even the existence of word being spread about her. “About me? What's that man attempting to do? He's known me my entire life, and afterlife! Now is hardly the time to tell tales!”

“Uh-uh, don't worry, this is recent. And you're just the secondary player in this situation.”

As much as she pretended not to be curious, Sam looked keenly at her. “Are you going to tell us, or are you just going to talk around it all day?”

Alberta giggled in satisfaction, nearly dancing in place. “Sasappis says that Trevor's got a crush on Hetty!”

The accused's face went completely ashen! She clutched her hands even more tightly in horror. “No!”

“Yes! Sounds like he's been pining away for you all this time, but he knows you're too classy for him so he just tries to get your dander up instead.”

Hetty looked like she was having trouble digesting this. She stared off into space, then at Sam, then back at Alberta. “Are you certain?”

“Doesn't it make sense? Why he likes to needle you? He wants you to notice him, give him a reaction. And he's such a spoiled little brat that he can't stand the thought of you not seeing him.”

“Oh, good heavens, you may be right!”

Sam cocked her head with a shrug. “I mean, you could do worse.”

Hetty glowered at her. “How?” It was true that they all felt a bit softer toward Trevor recently, when the truth about the night he died finally came to light. She'd certainly felt a bit fonder of the little squirt, but still. He was far from an obvious match!

“At least it's not Creepy Dirk from the basement,” Sam suggested.

“Hey, those basement ghosts aren't so bad. I liked Nancy!” Alberta objected, hands on her hips.

The next minute, Sam's expression turned conspiratorial. “And you know what? Asking him out yourself might just blow his head right off.”

Now that sounded better! Hetty smiled with a faraway look. “Oh, that would be entertaining.” Sam grinned back, their family resemblance coming through in their wicked looks.

“If he asked you out, though, what would your answer be?” Alberta needled, still trying to play matchmaker.

“Oh, I don't know! Ordinarily, I wouldn't even consider it, but...let's face it, it's been a while. And now my awful husband is gone for good, so...one might say I'm off the shelf at last!”

“So, you'd agree to it if he did?”

Hetty tilted her head, thinking about it. She didn't look enthused, but not as appalled as she initially was. Trevor had been growing on her, and he'd apparently warmed up to her lately, too. “I might.”

Alberta clapped her hands and scurried off, giggling away.

“Oh, god, she's going to tell him that, isn't she?”

Sam nodded grimly, “I'm afraid so.”

“And it had been such a nice, quiet day, too,” Hetty lamented.

Later that day, Alberta sidled in with Trevor with a big grin on her face. “Say, Trev...”

“Hey, Alberta, what's new?” he answered dully.

“Oh, nothin', I was just chatting with the girls...well, not Flower, she's off doing whatever she does about now. Anyway...we were talking and thought...maybe you ought to ask Hetty out on a walk this afternoon.”

Trevor looked like that was the last thing he'd think of to do. “Why? Isn't that something you guys do together?”

“There's no law against going for multiple walks. And I don't think she'd be opposed,” Alberta added with a wink.

Trevor furrowed his brow, looked around, and lowered his voice. “What are you talking about?!”

“A little bird just told me that she wouldn't mind stepping out with you, Trevor. See? Things aren't as hopeless as you thought!” Alberta laughed and gave him a cordial pat on the back.

“Must've been a dodo bird,” he replied. “You're...that's...I don't know if you noticed this, but Hetty hates me!”

“Oh, she doesn't hate anybody. Except Elias, and he's gone down on us.”

“She tried to send me to Hell along with him!”

“Pshh, she was just messing with you! She knew she can't really do that! C'mon, Trevor, just go ahead and ask her. Might put some spring in her step.”

Shaking his head in disbelief, Trevor gasped, “Are you saying that you think Hetty likes me?!”

“She might. She's just too fancy to know how to flirt back. She probably had her butler do it for her, know what I mean?”

Trevor turned this thought over and over in his head. Was that it? Had Hetty been making eyes at him this whole time and he thought she held him in contempt? He thought of her husband and gave her a pass there. That wasn't the type of guy he'd want teaching anyone the art of seduction. That bastard just knew how to take by force. This brought him a feeling altogether new to him, sympathy for Hetty Woodstone. He wondered how long she'd been shackled to Elias. She wasn't old, but she wasn't young, either, so chances were good that she spent a fair bit of her life married to that asshole. Imagine, only having him for company, as an example of how men acted. And now he'd somehow attracted her gaze? Well, a walk couldn't hurt. It wasn't like she expected a proposal or anything.

Dragging his feet nervously the whole time, Trevor hunted down Hetty and approached her. “Um...hi.”

“Hello,” she answered stiffly, her guard clearly up.

“Uh...look, I was thinking...it's a nice day, I guess. Would you want to go out for a walk with me?”

“Oh, good lord,” Hetty sighed under her breath. Then, she cleared her throat and shook herself. “You want to join our group?”

“N-no, just...just you. I mean, if you want.”

Slowly, Hetty considered, then she nodded. “Very well. As you said, it is a nice day. And I often slow our little gang down.”

“None of them died in heels,” Trevor observed, looking at her feet. “Could be worse, though,” he added, gesturing at his half-dressed state. She actually smiled at that. It struck him how much it transformed her when she smiled. Maybe Alberta was onto something. He smiled cautiously back and gestured toward the front door.

The entire household watched in rapt attention as Hetty accepted Trevor's invitation, and they didn't stop there! Once they stepped outside, the rest of the ghosts and Sam crowded to the windows to watch.

Hetty was the first one to break the ice. “People are talking about us, it seems.”

“Us? Is there an us?”

She paused, carefully choosing her words. It wouldn't do to be too forward, but it would be equally unbecoming to play dumb. “Would you like there to be?”

Trevor barked a short, nervous laugh. “I can't say I've given it that much thought.”

“No, neither have I. But...perhaps it could be perfectly natural. We've all been stuck together for this long. You were a virile young man. Our options aren't strictly ideal, but one must make do in certain circumstances. Don't you agree?”

“Well, when you put it like that...sort of...like making the best of a situation? That's something my mom always said.”

Hetty smiled again. Hearing him mention his mother opened part of him to her that she hadn't known before. She rarely thought of the other ghosts' families, people they left behind. Trevor was the baby of the bunch, at least in terms of how long he was a ghost. His family was likely still alive, possibly remembering him on his birthday or the day he died, or any other day of the year. She wondered if he missed them. He never talked about them. None of them did. It seemed too...personal. They had eternity to spend their deaths together, sharing their lives felt private, sacred.

As they walked, Hetty slipped her arm through his, matching his pace. Trevor wasn't so bad. He probably had to put up quite the tough guy act to cover for his insecurities, but it seemed underneath all of that, he was a gentle soul at heart. He'd already shown that he wasn't as cocky as he let on. A good man, when you got down to it.

Trevor looked over at her and smiled back. It was amazing how she looked when she smiled! And she wasn't faking anything, either. She seemed genuinely pleased with his attention, now that they stopped sniping at each other. She wasn't such a bad old girl. He could do worse. It could be one of the cholera ghosts!

“I'll be honest, Hetty, I was surprised when Alberta told me about you. Makes sense now that I think about it, though.”

Hetty stopped short, still clutching Trevor's arm and dragging him to a halt with her. “Wait, what?” she spluttered with wide eyes. “Alberta told me the other way around. She said that Sasappis told her you've been pining after me all this time but didn't dare ask.”

Trevor laughed! “She said the same thing about you!”

After a moment of feeling insulted, Hetty laughed, too. “Oh, thank god! Oh, Trevor, I am so happy to hear you say that!”

“Whew! So, you're not...?”

Hetty shook her head with a snicker, “Not at all! And you?”

“No, no, absolutely not. Wow, is that what they think of me? That I've been pining away for someone, what, ten times my age?” Trevor balked.

Hetty folded her arms in annoyance. “You were really in finance with those math skills? Tsk, tsk. If we're going by mortal years, I'm only...17 years older than you. Even adding in time as a ghost, I'm still just over three times your age. And believe me, it's not much better a look on my end, you conniving little pipsqueak.”

It took just a moment for them to ponder this before they laughed off their annoyance, glad that no one was pining for anybody! Amid their glee and relief, Hetty looked like she was getting an idea. “You know, we really shouldn't let this matter go. If they're bored enough to make up rumors about us, they'll swallow anything.”

“Are you suggesting...?”

“How well can you act madly in love?”

The last time he saw her alight with such wonderful wickedness, it was when she was agreeing to his plan to frighten the Livings away! He liked her then! That time they'd spent together as a group, organizing their plan of attack. She and Isaac had taken the roles of the generals, appointing the troops their assignments. She'd praised all of their paltry ghost powers, helping rally them to action. Those two really were like twins.

Trevor nodded, “I think I can pull it off. Can you?”

As if to demonstrate her subtle and exact acting skills, she simply gazed at him. Her eyes softened fondly, a gentle smile on her lips, she even let herself blush at will. She drew a long breath and let out a happy-sounding sigh, eyes drifting closed. She held that for just another second before tossing it all off again. There she was, like always, looking sharply at him.

“That's impressive! How did you learn to do that?!” Trevor applauded her.

“Spend thirty-three years married to a manipulative megalomaniac, you learn how to maneuver pretty fast.”

“Did it really work?”

Hetty shrugged, “I outlived him, didn't I?”

Something about the way she said that, it highlighted for him that despite her plush and privileged surroundings, she'd been a prisoner for all those years. She'd had to find a way to game the system just to survive it. True, she was no saint or martyr, she'd had her share of dirty dealings that she'd taken pride in. Still, once again, he was moved to pity for her. For the first time since he'd known her, he closed the gap between them and took her in his arms.

He hadn't expected her to melt into him, but she did. She let out a soft moan of pleasure, of relief; she'd needed this for some time, it seemed. Hetty hugged back fiercely, Trevor could feel her breathing hitch, her heart pound, even though neither was real. Why did their spectral forms still behave like flesh and blood? “You all right?”

“Mmm,” she purred softly. “I like this. I can't remember if anyone ever...did this before.”

He let his clasped hands slip down her back and rest on her bustle, then whispered in her ear, “Are you acting right now?”

“I'll let you guess. Just please hold me. Oh, I like this,” she breathed, sounding astonished that she would find such comfort in his arms. It was true: in her lifetime, no one had thought to touch her this way, and even in her afterlife the others had given her a wide berth. Still, she'd craved it, having only read about such things or seen it on the television. It was as nice as she'd hoped it would be.

“You swear you're not in love with me.”

Hetty shook her head against his shoulder. “Not a bit. When you first turned up, I really couldn't stand you. You reminded me too much of my husband. But I admit now that you're nicer.”

“Well, I should hope so!” Trevor declared, although he admittedly he could see the passing resemblance. Obsessed with status and wealth, a total playboy, but those were only parts of him. He was glad that Hetty knew he wasn't as cruel as Elias, even if he had been self-serving.

With that, Hetty drew away and they resumed their walk. “I supposed we ought to actually think of things we like about each other. Just to be convincing.”

“All right, let's hear yours. What's something you like about the T-money?”

Hetty rolled her eyes, it was enough to cure her of that hug from a moment ago. Perfect balance. She studied him carefully, thinking this through. “Oh...I don't know. You have...nice eyes.”

Trevor nodded to himself, he knew he did. He heard it from everyone from his parents to practically everyone he'd ever dated. “All right. Classic, nicely done.”

“How about me?”

He smirked, taking a glance behind them. “I like...that little waddle that you do when you walk.”

Once again, Hetty stopped cold! She stared at him accusingly with wide eyes. “I do not waddle, young man!”

“Okay, well, that thing when the back of your dress bobs up and down and back and forth like that. Whatever you call it, it's cute.” He strutted back and forth in front of her, mimicking it comically. She tutted and rolled her eyes again. Then, with his most charming smile, Trevor offered his arm again and she took it to continue their stroll. They'd occasionally give each other looks and chuckle under their breaths at the very thought that their housemates thought they were a match made in limbo.

Sam peered out the nearest window. “Oh my god, she's taken his arm! They are strolling, repeat, they are strolling! Wow! I think you guys were really onto something!”

Sasappis hung back, amazed! He'd been so certain that he'd made it all up!

Hetty and Trevor gave the house a sidelong glance as they came upon it, pretending they didn't see their friends crowded against the window to watch them. She gave his arm a squeeze and bumped a hip against him.

“Ready to give these busybodies something to talk about?”

Trevor took a step away, took one of her hands and kissed it. “Hetty Woodstone, I love you.”

Everyone who had been watching at the window gasped in unison! Then, as one, they all ducked out of sight. Naturally, they couldn't hear him, but they saw his mouth form the words.

“He loves her!” Alberta cooed rapturously!

“Oh, I love love!” Flower intoned happily as she breezed through the room.

Everyone held their breaths, waiting for this mismatched couple to come into the house.

Chapter 2: Selling It

Chapter Summary: After publicly declaring themselves to be together, Trevor and Hetty have to put on a convincing act. Although the line between fact and fiction may already be blurry.

Trevor and Hetty walked through the door—literally—still apparently deep in conversation.

“Trevor, I do think you ought to at least ask Isaac's permission, as a prospective suitor. He's the closest thing to family that I have and...” she batted her eyelashes coquettishly, “it was considered the correct way to handle these sorts of matters.”

“Far be it from me to fly in the face of tradition,” he agreed, kissing her hand and approaching the elder ghost.

“Isaac, as Hetty's adopted brother, I ask your leave to court her.” One of Trevor's guilty pleasures in life had been watching period BBC dramas with his mother. He'd learned a thing or two about the formalities required for such a venture. Even if he hadn't gotten the wording exactly right, it sounded close enough for him.

Across the room, Hetty subtly flashed him the OK sign with a nod.

Isaac gaped at them, looking from one to the other of the expectant pair. “You're serious. You...and you...Hetty!” he hissed, beckoning her to come over. She obeyed, with a bit more bounce in her step than usual. She gave Trevor a naughty grin as he suppressed a laugh. Hetty was flirting!

“Look...you're one of my oldest, dearest friends, and I do think of you as family, so I must ask if you are in earnest about this...follower?” Isaac's voice faded at the end as if it reminded him of something. Then he quickly shook it off. He harrumphed importantly and clicked his heels behind him, waiting her answer.

“I am,” Hetty replied sweetly. “Trevor and I have been behaving childishly regarding our untold affection for each other, and we've decided it's time we stop beating about the bush. I assure you his intentions are as honorable as mine.”

Isaac looked over at him with unmasked befuddlement, but then looked back at Hetty. He'd never seen her look like that before, as if her normally sharp edges had been softened. She wore a pleading little pout that might have worked when she was a teenager and she was trying to wheedle her father into getting her another horse or a new dress. She obviously wanted this very much. Isaac, too, softened his stance. He took her hands, kissed her cheek, and formally announced, “You have my permission.”

Hetty's eyes went misty and something caught in her chest, as though she'd been waiting for this forever. She hadn't expected to feel so sentimental about this ceremony of sorts! She flung her arms around Isaac with a short, happy squeal. “Thank you! Oh, thank you!” Trevor had watched and listened raptly to the whole exchange, feeling as if he were in the presence of a master! He cautiously approached Isaac, not sure what was going to happen next in this little ceremony of theirs, but all he did was shake his hand and give him a pat on the shoulder before waving him over to Hetty.

Trevor gulped, feeling very on the spot. Why hadn't they rehearsed more? Taken a longer walk? Bracing himself sturdily, he drew Hetty in, cupped his hands around her face, and kissed her. Everyone else in the room burst into applause as though they were watching a play! Hetty gave a pleased little gasping sound, clinging back up around his shoulders. It seemed as though she didn't want to let go. When they parted, they smiled at each other, Hetty blushing prettily. She wobbled uncertainly in place with a punch-drunk grin on her face and a breathy giggle.

“Hey, you all right?” Trevor whispered. He admittedly hadn't put in that much of an effort, but he'd clearly knocked her socks off! He was surprised she was still upright!

“Hmm?” she batted her eyes at him with a faraway look. “Oh yes, perfectly well, thank you. That was...mmm...” she crossed her hands over her chest with contented little wiggle. Hetty blinked a few times, as if half-heartedly trying to wake up from a lovely dream, but finding that she really didn't want to just yet. “You know, Trevor? This is going to be delightful!”

Alberta looked on with an approving chuckle. “I know that look. She's gone. Gone, gone, gone.”

“Wow, Sas, looks like you were right!” Pete allowed, whacking the house's main gossip hound on the back. “Funny, I never would have thought of them as a couple. But they way they kept giving each other jabs...some people flirt like that and the message just got lost.”

“Didn't she try to send him to Hell?” Sasappis asked dully, still astounded that the rumor he made up was apparently true. That he was being credited for helping bring these two lovebirds together.

“Oh, pshh! She was kidding!”

“Is her ghost power that kissing turns her into a moron?” he returned.

That brought Hetty out of her trance. She stood up straight and glared over at Sasappis. “Can I enjoy myself for five minutes? If that's not terribly inconvenient for you?!”

After their very public kiss, Trevor dragged Hetty away from the assembly and into the hall.

“What the hell was that?”

Hetty clasped her hands and gave an imperious toss of her head. “What was what?”

“That noise.”

“What noise?”

Trevor growled in irritation. “That sound you made. Besides the giggling, which was bordering on over-the-top, to be honest.”

“I made a sound? When?” Hetty asked innocently.

“Just now, when I kissed you!”

“What sort of sound was that?”

“A 'mmm!' sound.”

Hetty smirked, remembering now. “Isn't that a normal sound to make when kissing?”

“Only if you're enjoying it! And what was all that other goofball stuff?” He batted his eyes at her, pulling his face into a silly grin.

She didn't say anything to that, just gave a quirky smile and raised her eyebrows at him.

They'd been unheard and unbothered by the majority of the party, but Pete remarked, “I think they're doing Who's On First!”

“Shut up, Pete!” Trevor barked. Then, once their intruder had backed off, he turned back to Hetty. “Well?”

She shrugged broadly, stammering a little at first before admitting, “I liked it.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa...” he dropped his voice to a low whisper. “This was your plan, remember? It's fake, it's all pretend.”

“Yes, and thank goodness for that! But you can't blame me for reaping some benefits here and there. You're very...mmm, talented. Much better than...well, you know.”

Even Trevor had to admit that it hadn't been awful. Just strange, like kissing a coworker on the mouth. The fact that she'd melted into his arms twice already made him wonder how good of an idea this will actually turn out to be. What does it mean when you enjoy playing at love?”

“It's been a long time. It felt...nice,” Hetty explained shortly before scurrying off to save her dignity, her bustle swishing hypnotically behind her, mocking Trevor.

“I've been stuck with these dweebs for too long, I've gotten to think that bustles are hot!” he groaned to himself.

Pete came up beside him and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You hate to see her leave, but you love to see her walk away, right?”

Trevor scowled and shrugged him away. “Give it a rest, Pete!”

When she got to her room, Hetty collapsed on the bed, drawing a slow, deep breath as she enjoyed some vivid flights of fancy. Not of Trevor, of course. Simply of the soft, tingly feelings she got from his gentle handling. He might at times be a brash, swaggering pest who made less sense in his storytelling than Thorfinn—at least the Viking told comprehensible stories about different types of cod!—but when he took her in his arms, when he kissed her, if those reluctant hugs and kisses from an acquaintance could put a smile on her face, imagine what “the real thing” might be like. Hetty closed her eyes and decided that much to her surprise, she quite liked kissing him. Trevor hadn't been rough or forceful about it, as though he were trying to shut her up or show his dominance. Not like...she forced herself not to think of her odious departed husband, the way he clumsily manhandled her, like she was something for him to control. Trevor kissed like she saw in the movies. Gentle. Why did that word keep on floating up to attach itself to Trevor?!

Because he was. He acted so tough and callous, but he was really soft underneath all that bravado. He had the potential to be an attentive lover, if nothing else. Hetty felt herself flush to think of how far they might allow their charade to go! Would he know how to court her, like she'd always wanted to be? Or would he do things more “his” way, like she saw in Thor and Sas's reality dating shows?

“I ought to put those silly ideas out of my head this instant,” Hetty scolded herself, echoing her mother from ages past. “He won't know the proper way to do it unless I told him, and that would be too much trouble for both of us to go to. It ought to be sufficient that he asked Isaac the way he did. At least that was by the book!”

She lay on her bed for nearly an hour, lost in thought, when she heard his voice in the hall.

“Hetty? Can I come in?”

Quickly, she racked her brain to decide whether it was improper for her to invite her beau into her room! “I...suppose? So long as you're discreet?” She rose from the bed and smoothed her dress. Looking in all ways presentable.

Trevor stepped through the door, looking annoyed. “You're one to tell me to be discreet!”

Hetty gazed heatedly back at him. “Oh, but I couldn't help it! I never felt anything like that before! It just went right through to my toes!” She clutched her heart again with a moan and did a little spin in place. He caught her arm.

“Hey! You cut that out!”

“But please...” Hetty whined, her eyes large and sparkling, her mouth a-quiver. “Just let me enjoy it. You gave this to me! Have you had this before? I haven't. I didn't know it could feel so...tingly.”

“You were married for what, 30 some years--”

“Thirty-three, counting my—ugh!—engagement. You met my husband,” she reminded him darkly. “He wasn't...kind. He certainly didn't care if he made me feel good, as long as he got his way.”

Trevor sat down on the chaise, shaking his head sympathetically. “Did you ever love him?”

Hetty gave a regretful sigh, fidgeting thoughtfully with a ruffle on her dress. “I wanted to, at first. I'd hoped I would, when I was younger. My parents said I would in time. But, no. I never did. I don't think he ever even wanted to, ever tried.”

For whatever reason, it struck Trevor as odd to hear her mention her parents. It momentarily stripped years away, until what stood before him was a hopeful yet resigned young lady who'd been married off against her will. He took a deep, steadying breath. He'd be paying for Elias's failings as a husband for the duration of this dating game. He stared at Hetty, taking all of her in. She'd been so hurt, so badly treated that she came freely to his hand, and wanted more. Like a stray cat who still longed for a home and a nice scratch behind the ears.

Hetty swayed in place, looking down at her hands, coming down from her high and feeling more like herself. “Not every day will be this...emotional, I'm sure. I'll be able to keep my head. It was just...” she trailed off with a dreamy smile again, gazing up at the ceiling, “more than I'd ever imagined. Will...we...do more of that? Touching, kissing, hugging?”

“Uh...some, I guess,” Trevor stammered, not missing the hopeful look in her eyes, her giddy, guileless smile. That was nearly enough to unseat him. She was so beautiful like that! Positively sparkling! He'd never noticed before. He'd given her a taste and she wouldn't be satisfied until she's had her fill! “I mean, not alone, of course. Just for show, you know.”

“Of course. But you will?” The look she was giving him was once again from someone much younger, some forgotten shadow of what she once had been. That young girl who'd hoped for a loving marriage. A ghost of a ghost! “And...will you sit with me? Maybe hold hands?” She wanted that. That comfortable nearness, to feel the vapor and firmament that they imagined were their Earthly bodies, nestled close together. She ached for it.

Slowly, Trevor nodded as he stood back up, wishing it didn't mean so much to her. That his fumbling show hadn't exceeded all of her worldly expectations. She wasn't in love with him, he could tell that, easily. Those looks she gave him spoke of a raw hunger, and he was currently the most convenient source. Trevor understood, he'd pounced for similar reasons. He'd had his share of rolls in the hay, one-night-stands, ships passing in the night, when he'd been lonely and among attractive, willing company, but never had he hung all of his hopes on any of them. This pressed and dressed proper lady gazed at him as if he were the Holy Grail, all because of a few awkward hugs and kisses. Despite her best efforts, she was still in a particular mood, still with the proverbial fresh taste of blood in her mouth.

“Trevor,” she said sharply, sounding much more like herself, like she was casting off that sweet, dreamy state now that she was promised another dose on the horizon. “Just tell me something. When does the tingling stop? When will I stop feeling warm all over and...everything? It's distracting and I feel so silly and...I like it too much!”

“You'll be all right. Just take it easy, it's been an exciting day. You're feeling turned on...and the fact that it's for me is beyond explanation! It can feel great or just frustrating, sometimes both at the same time. Haven't you ever felt like that? You know, keen?”

Hetty shrugged with the look of a guilty child caught in a fib. “Well, I've had thoughts. I've just never had them so...stimulated before. It's quite the experience!” She added cheerfully.

“All thoughts and no action, huh? That's rough. Look, just focus on what we're doing here. We're going to make these guys look at us like we have three heads. Right? That'll be funny, won't it? I'm just sorry I'm the first man in a hundred years to lay a hand on you.”

Hetty laughed at that, feeling relief and a refreshing coolness wash over her at the reminder of their objective. “Oh, that's not entirely true. I've cuddled up with Isaac and Thorfinn. I liked that very much.”

“You never got enough loving in life, you have a lot to make up for. Look, you might not be my first pick, but you're not so bad. I hope you enjoy it as much as possible.”

She smiled, “Thank you. Believe me, you're not my 'first pick', either. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I'm surprised they all bought it so easily. Look, we can't both be in here for very long or Sas will start up something even more damning about us. I'm ready to come back out, but we can't come down at the same time.”

“Why?” Trevor laughed, “Or they'll talk?! They're already talking. Plus, seeing you get all kiss-drunk gave them plenty of ammo. I want us to strut on down there, together, bold as brass and dare them to say anything. We'll have a few of them try to act supportive, like they think we make a cute couple, the rest...” he trailed off wickedly.

This was the right thing for him to have said, it laid out a plan of attack for what to do next. He wouldn't allow Hetty to be a wallflower after dragging her into the spotlight. They were going to see this mission through.

The rest of the day, they decided that subtlety was their best ally. Hetty didn't spend the entire time on his arm, but they made a point to gaze across the room at each other, and back each other up in case a disagreement among the ghosts broke out. Trevor actually enjoyed that perk! Having Hetty Woodstone on his side, at least for show, gave him the clout that a “baby ghost” like him needed. Conversely, he sprang to her defense if some teasing mockery of the older ghosts' funny ways came into the conversation. Who would have guessed that crossing generational lines to this degree would be so beneficial?

The only time that Trevor was worried that this might have been a bad move was when Thorfinn cornered him briefly. He grasped him by his jacket and simply growled, “Hetty deserves good man. Be nice.” Trevor nodded faintly, stammering agreements. Without another word, Thor let him go, but gave him another warning look over his shoulder. Great. That was all he needed.

The girls had seen Thorfinn's posturing with mild curiosity. Alberta rolled her eyes. “That big galoot has to go throwing his weight around.”

Hetty struggled not to be touched at his attempt at gallantry. She shrugged, “He's always been protective of me.”

“I know you and him go way back, but it's none of Thor's business who you step out with,” Alberta objected. “Aw, you think it's cute. You never had men fighting over you before?”

She shook her head and softly murmured, “No, never.”

“It's rarely cute. So, you'd better tell Thor to cut it out. It's not fair to Trevor and you two don't want to spend your whole time together watching over your shoulders for him. I hope he doesn't try something stupid.”

“He won't,” Hetty sounded certain. “I'll let him know if he's out of line.”

“As long as you're not toying with them. Just do it right, play it straight.”

That brought up an important point! “Alberta...I've really never done anything like this before. Dating, I mean. I know a lot has changed, but...how should I proceed?”

That set Alberta at ease. Poor Hetty was just confused and unsure, and she clearly didn't like it. “Just don't even think about it. People nowadays don't have so many rules to worry about. Just do what that little voice inside of you says to do.”

“Burn the house down?” Hetty asked worriedly. She'd had moments of darkness when the thought had occurred to her, but how did Alberta know about that?!

Alberta shrieked with laughter, “No! Not that voice!” She patted Hetty on the shoulder. “I mean that voice that says 'boy smell nice, touch feel good', and with all those sped-up moving pictures of flowers opening. Listen to that voice!” The ladies shared a laugh over that.

“He does make me feel good,” she admitted shyly, amazed that she was bold enough to say so in public. “I think I startled him before. Neither of us knew I'd react so strongly. It's just been...”

“You can't even say it's been a long time,” Sam interjected. “We know, it's been never! You've never been treated right and now's your chance. Plus, it would take a lot to shock T-Money over there,” she snickered. “If he never perceived you as a sensual creature with needs before now, that's on him. I bet he's probably feeling pretty good that he can please you so well. So, let him know. Tell him when he does something you like; odds are, he'll be more inclined to do it again! That's what Jay and I do.”

“Yep,” Jay agreed. “I let her know what I like, she lets me know what she likes, neither of us plays coy or endures something we're not into. Just be up front. Sam says that Trevor about knocked your socks off with his kissing skills.” He gave a playful grin vaguely in Hetty's direction. “I know I can't see or hear you, Hetty, but you're still my friend. And, strangely enough, Trevor's kind of a friend, too. I'm glad you have each other. Best of luck to you both.”

“Aw, that was sweet, Jay!” Sam remarked, scooting in for a cuddle. “Hetty looks touched, too. She says she's glad that the two of you are friends.”

Just thinking about it, talking about it was putting a giddy smile on Hetty's face. “I've never felt this way before, I've never...I never expected this!” She did a little skip in place, fluffing out her skirts.

Alberta laughed congenially. “So what did he say on your walk that brought this on?! One minute you were lukewarm to him having feelings for you, and now look at you, all bubbly! I mean, I get it, being cooped up with the same people for this long, anybody is gonna start looking good! But our little Trev? Cock of the walk, T-Money, Mr. Business?”

“I am a lady and shall not divulge such details,” Hetty primly protested.

“You're not much of a lady if you have details to divulge this early!” Alberta replied smartly, giving Hetty a friendly swat.

“He can be very sweet when he sets his mind to it. I think beneath all that bravado is someone...who needs this as badly as I do.” Then she turned to Sam, with an urgent question in her eyes. “What does all of this mean about me?! A few hugs and a kiss and I've melted all over the floor. What's the matter with me?”

Sam sat down on the dining room bench and pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around them. “You know, Hetty...I think you're touch-starved.

Jay's head popped up at that. “Oh, boy, is she ever! That's it, on the nose!” He pointed around the room, hoping to actually land a target.

Hetty looked between the two Livings in alarm. “Touch-starved? Whatever does that mean?”

“It means...pretty much what it sounds like. You didn't get enough physical affection--”

“Or even familiarity,” Jay added, recalling the feelings he'd felt when she possessed him. That undercurrent of loneliness. The need to be physically loved.

Alberta pouted sympathetically. “Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry. I shoulda known you were a cuddler.”

Hetty looked wistful, sitting down next to Sam, who had to resist the urge to nestle up to her. “I am...if anyone ever wants to cuddle me. It doesn't happen often,” she answered sadly. She drew her hands up around her shoulders in a self-comforting gesture before Alberta pulled her in and gave her the real thing. Hetty gasped and slid right into it, closing her eyes fondly. “That feels nice, too.”

“Dammit, girl! Are you saying we wasted a century together and you never let on how badly you wanted to be hugged? I would have, but I was afraid of being off-putting! You remember how shy I was at first.”

“Oh, yes, shy. Just the word I'd ever use to describe you,” Hetty teased sarcastically.

“I'm serious! I wish we'd've been better friends.”

“What nonsense! We were always friends, from your first day!”

“I know, I know. I'm just sorry you didn't get enough lovin', that's all.” Alberta gave her another squeeze before letting go. “I love you, you hear? We go way back, don't we?” Hetty nodded. “Good. So whether you've got real feelings for Trevor, or you're going with him because he's expressed an interest and is giving you the good stuff you've been missing out on, I hope you're very happy with him. And he'd better want to cuddle you! Hey, Trevor!” she called across the room. Trevor's head snapped up at his name. “You'd better be good to her! She needs to be petted and loved-on like she was a spoiled house cat. Understand?” Hetty had to suppress a snicker. Just a moment ago, Alberta had objected to Thor giving similar orders. Turns out, she was just as protective of her friend as he was!

Trevor approached, looking among all of them. “Uh, sure?”

Hetty stood up before him, looking a little embarrassed. “I wish to apologize for my conduct earlier. It was unfortunately untoward. I hope you'll excuse my...outburst.” She gave him a hopeful look, clasping her hands habitually.

“Don't apologize for anything,” Alberta contradicted. “She's touch-starved, Trevor. Her whole body—well, spirit—is just aching for someone to snuggle up to. She can't help it, she didn't get enough lovin' when she was alive. So you've got over a hundred years of wishing and wanting to make up for.”

“Touch-starved?” He questioned.

“It's apparently a real ailment, both Jay and Sam know all about it. They think it's why I'm so...sensitive, you see? Why everything feels as good as it does?”

“I didn't know it had a name! We were just talking about that, weren't we?” he asked. Hetty nodded shyly, attempting to be demure. She took his hand and pressed it to her cheek with a soft purr of contentment. It took Trevor aback, feeling how warm she felt, seeing the look of bliss on her face. She was drinking him right up! He took a firm grip of her hand, drew it away from her face and kissed the back of it. She gave a short giggle and pivoted on the spot, making her skirts swish back and forth. He decided to gild the lily and press her hand to his cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Why had nobody thought to approach her like this before? Was it her reputation as the stark and forbidding lady of the house? Especially when he now knew that much of that was a facade. She was eager, she was willing, she was enthusiastic!

“Oh, god, you're gonna kill her!” Alberta cried as she closely observed their lovemaking. Sam was struck speechless and immovable. She hadn't expected to witness this today! Hetty looked dizzy under Trevor's smoldering gaze. Then, he sauntered off!

As the girls watched him leave, Alberta didn't look too sure of things. “Think he might be using you, Hetty?”

“If anyone is, Hetty's using him!” Sam contradicted. “But I don't think either of them are. Looks like they're both enjoying it at least.”

“As long as he doesn't move too fast for you,” Alberta advised her friend.

“He can't move fast enough!” she burst out with uncharacteristic urgency.

Alberta giggled, her tight-laced friend was getting antsy after all these years! “Keep your bustle on, you don't want to look too easy to win over!”

Chapter 3: It's Getting Hot in Here

Chapter Summary: Public displays of affection, and their repercussions.

They kept things pretty natural for the rest of the day, but once night fell and things quieted down around the house, they exchanged a look from across the room.

Sam accommodated the ghosts by turning the radio on to an easy listening station to wind down to. Everyone pointedly gave Hetty plenty of room on the sofa, opting instead to mill about and lounge in other less prominent seats. She tried giving him the understood signal among her peers, holding her hands outstretched, palms down, inviting him to come and take them in his, so that they could sit together. Trevor saw her, but didn't get the message. Not sure what she was supposed to do now, Hetty decided to make a clear, obvious show of it. She tugged up the hem of her dress by two whole inches, naughtily exposing her ankles. She made eye contact with Trevor, making a point to cross her legs when he looked, then slowly letting her skirts drop back down.

Trevor just looked confused, turning to anybody near him for help. Unfortunately, that someone was Isaac, who had taken in her display with a scandalous look.

“What in the world did you do to her, to make her behave so immodestly?” Isaac murmured with a low growl.

“Uh, what?”

“One stroll with you and she's become a brazen hussy, putting herself on display for the world to see.”

Trevor startled! “What, where?” He looked around eagerly, but saw nothing like what Isaac had described.

“Didn't you notice? She was showing off her comely ankles. I do admit, she was quite the beauty in her day.”

“Was? In her day?” Trevor challenged significantly, remembering that he's supposed to act like her boyfriend. Surely a worthy boyfriend would say something like that. And it was actually true! She wasn't bad-looking, just old enough to be his mother. Not his usual type. Still...“Her flower hasn't faded yet,” he added, not sure where those words came from, but they did the trick!

Isaac looked at Trevor again, his disapproval waning once more. “Touché. I meant no slight, I assure you.”

“Hang on, did you say she was showing off her ankles?” Trevor spluttered.

“Oh, yes. Quite a fine, pair, wouldn't you say? I'm sure you've seen your share in life.”

“Ankles?”

“Keep it down! We're in mixed company!” Isaac shushed him urgently, looking around for disapproving eyes.

Everyone else was pretending not to see Hetty eagerly awaiting her beau. When flashing some skin didn't lure him over, she appeared to be at a loss. She looked to Alberta for help. Alberta mimed patting a cushion with a wink. Hetty gave her a questioning look, as if what she'd suggested were too forward! Alberta gestured “go on!” with an OK signal at the end.

“You'd better get over there, she's been trying to flag you down and she's only going to get more obvious. Ugh, the endless march of time, bringing depravity and hedonism in its wake,” Isaac grumbled.

“Awesome!” Trevor cried, heedless to the other man's distress, bounding to the seat next to Hetty on the couch and bringing her into a fluid embrace. It was getting easier, feeling more natural. If he was honest with himself, he'd think it was kind of nice. She gasped huskily into his shoulder, then, feeling quite daring, drew his hands down from her back to settle on her waist! She'd been imagining his hands on her waist for the better part of the day! And, oh! It felt as satisfying as she'd hoped! Hetty let out soft sigh of pleasure in Trevor's ear. “How's this?”

“Uh, fine, I mean...you like this?” Trevor couldn't keep the brief quaver out of his voice, slightly embarrassed at touching her so intimately! And she was clearly ready for more!

“Mm-hmm. Oh, please...”

Trevor gulped, feeling very awkward. Thorfinn was right about orgies, what they needed was some mead! Or anything with a kick to it, really, he wasn't picky! He wasn't sure what to do next, she'd enjoyed everything so far, so odds were at least in his favor! Up or down? Up, past her ribs, to her, uh, chest...or down to her hips, thighs, and...so forth. Trevor shivered, wondering when he suddenly became so shy! He'd been with dozens of women! All different types of women! He'd shopped for them like they were suits, to be used once and then discarded! He let go of her and straightened up, his face in his hands.

“Darling, what's wrong?” Hetty singsonged at him, not sure what to make of the situation, worried that Trevor was going to blow their cover.

“No, it's all right, I got it.” Originally, he'd planned to just close his eyes and pretend she was anyone else. Think of his Maxim models from his yacht parties, or similar. Instead, he turned back and stared at her for a moment, thoughtfully. He thought of the tender moments they'd shared already that morning...and before that. That group hug he'd swept her in after they helped get revenge on his old work friend. The times they'd gently teased each other. They always seemed to genuinely enjoy sniping at each other. It was a game they could both play quite well. There had never been any real animosity between them. Just a comfortable needling as part of their regular interactions. He thought of her stuck with that rat of a husband, achingly lonely for all that time. That girded his determination to give her something worth remembering. He kissed her neck, getting a pleased sound from her in return. That certainly helped his mood, it was encouraging! He kept going, laying kisses and nuzzles down to her lace collar. All the while, Hetty made involuntary shrill, pleading moans as she held onto him in desperation. It was driving her wild! He fidgeted with the dainty brooch pinned at her throat as he kissed back up to behind her ear. She giggled at that, nobody had ever done this before!

Then, Hetty took the upper hand, guiding his face to hers, then his hands to her hips. She looped her arms around his neck and kissed him back for the first time, letting out soft moans with each breath she took. Then, she drew to a stop, slouching against him while rubbing her cheek against him like a house cat marking its owner. They sat up together, at least more upright than they had been, and Hetty gently pushed him into place so she could just cuddle cozily.

“Hold me,” she murmured, that intense need gleaming in her eyes. “You make love so beautifully. Thank you.”

Trevor flinched, looking at her with a surprised expression. “I...do?” He tried not to sound too relieved that that was all she'd wanted from him. He supposed it was one of those differences in uses of the phrase between her turn of the century and his.

“Mmm...” Hetty tried not to think too hard about it, because if she did it might spoil their act, which would be unfortunate because they were attracting some rather amusing looks from their friends. Some merely looked uncomfortable with their public display, others outright appalled. Pete and Isaac left quickly, feeling like they didn't need to be seeing this intimate display. Sasappis, Flower, and Alberta remained, pretending they weren't watching their every move, like a car accident they couldn't tear their eyes away from. Thorfinn hung back in a corner, observing as if he were Hetty's bodyguard. Hetty tried not to think about all of them and focused on holding onto that rush she was getting, riding it like a well-trained horse.

Getting the idea, Trevor took Hetty's hand and kissed her palm, just a bit wetly. Then, her fingertips. Then, knowing how much she liked it, he pressed it to his cheek. She gasped out an “oh my!” as he held eye-contact with her while he did so. He brushed his nose teasingly against hers as he cupped her face in one hand. He deeply, slowly kissed her once, twice, lingering breathlessly as they gazed into each other's eyes. He drew his thumb down her bottom lip before going for her neck again. She clung to him, whimpering helplessly.

“Oh, my,” Hetty gasped again, blinking and bringing a hand to her head. “Trevor, help. Oh, I'm dizzy.” She shook her head, trying to clear it. “I hadn’t planned on…this! Oh my… just hold me a minute. I feel funny, but it's so very nice. So tingly! Please, Trevor, you can’t leave me like this!”

“Okay, we’re just going to settle you down. Let’s go somewhere more private and cool off.”

“Thank you, yes, please.”

Trevor raised his voice so their remaining audience could hear. “All right, let's get you some air. Time to cool off, things got a bit much.” Not taking any chances on whether she could stand, Trevor scooped Hetty up in his arms and carried her out of the room, out onto the back porch. It was funny, being ghosts, they shouldn't weigh anything. Still, to Trevor, Hetty had the same heft as he would expect of a living person with her proportions. Not to mention her voluminous dress!

They sat together on an ancient porch swing. It was a good thing they didn't actually weigh anything, because it would easily have come down if so much as a squirrel decided to sit on it. “Hey! Keep it together! This was your idea!”

“I'm sorry! This wasn't part of the plan! I just feel all muddled. I don't know what I want.”

“You don’t want this. Not here, not now, not like this. Believe me. Your mind’s just playing tricks. Got a little carried away, but don't worry. You didn't disgrace yourself.”

“Damn my female brain,” she muttered habitually.

For the first time, hearing her say this usual phrase of hers made Trevor feel a little sad. Imagine, being taught that you were automatically inferior, that your brain was inherently faulty, just because you were female. “Nothing to do with being female, everything to do with being human. Or whatever this is.”

She nodded, still touching the backs of her hands to her cheeks. Trevor placed a hand at her back, she arched into it like a cat, giving a soft sigh of pleasure.

“It's okay. Just a little hot and bothered. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, we're gonna count backwards from ten. All right?” They did, nice and slow. When they reached one, Hetty was less distressed, but still grinning like a loon. They needed something else. “All right, okay, all together now: Two households, both alike in dignity...”

She joined in, only faltering a little. It had been far longer since she'd read it or seen the play. Still, it was a good choice for something to recite, because once you learn it, it stays with you for the most part. Just right for getting your mind off things.

Trevor saw that Hetty was starting to feel better, but he had one more. He took her hands and stroked them gently as he spoke. This one was utterly unfamiliar to her, in foreign language she couldn't recognize. She didn't understand the words, but it touched her nonetheless. She let the words wash over her and felt her soul calm.

When Hetty was certain that he was finished, she asked gently, “What was that?”

Trevor looked shy, as if he was bracing himself for judgment. “It's a Jewish prayer for healing. When I was a kid, I got pneumonia once, pretty serious. Scared my parents to death. My mom would come into my room every night and pray with me to get better. I'll never forget that. Yours are less serious circumstances, I know, but still...healing. Thought it was appropriate.”

“That's sweet. Thank you. I'm honored to be included.”

“Ready to go back out?”

Hetty nodded, standing and smoothing her dress. She took his arm and they went back in. They'd made it up the stairs to the hall her bedroom was in when they were ambushed by Isaac!

He grabbed Trevor by the jacket and shook him hard! “You scoundrel, you dog! I demand satisfaction!”

“You...what?”

“Spare me your excuses. You rogue, you cur! Now, I demand satisfaction! Do you deny me?!”

Trevor looked at Hetty for help, “Does he want to make out, too?” She shook her head.

“I ought to cut your filthy tongue from your head, you ruffian! Masher!”

“Isaac, stand down!” Hetty ordered. “Stand down, I say!”

Trevor looked between them bemusedly like he was watching a tennis match.

“You entreat me to spare this wittering jackanape who sullies your virtue?”

Hetty put her hands on her hips, “My virtue remains intact because of this wittering jackanape! I nearly did myself a mischief and he preserved me.”

Isaac puffed out a laugh. “You would have me entertain this notion, when I saw his shameful hedonistic display first-hand?”

“The hedonism and display were both mine. I tell you, my honor, such that it is, remains unspoiled.”

“He hurried you away in his heat!”

“My heat,” Hetty glowered. It was surprisingly satisfying to confess her misconduct this way. “He was far better a gentleman than I was a lady tonight. For god's sake, release him!”

Reluctantly, Isaac let Trevor go. He hurried to Hetty's side and they briefly embraced. Strangely, this wasn't a rehearsed or expected part of their act. She smoothed his dress coat and patted his cheek. He simply nodded mutely, letting her know he was okay.

“Then what were you doing out there if not fadoodling?”

“He helped to calm me,” she asserted, her speech falling back into its more usual pattern. Her anger was passing and her native dialect was easing back down to something closer to modern day English. “We sat together, talked together...he prayed over me.”

Isaac went ashen, growing ashamed at the conclusions he'd jumped to. “He...prayed over you? Trevor did?”

They both nodded. Trevor had his arm around her, allowing her to cling fondly to him. “I was doing everything I could to help settle her. She was...in a state, and it frightened her. I would not take advantage of anyone like that.”

“You sought only to calm her,” Isaac summarized. “Oh, fiddlesticks, have I made a regular Joe Miller of myself. My sincere apologies. Good night to you both.” And with that, he stalked away, now embarrassed by his own conduct.

Once Isaac was gone, Hetty threw herself into Trevor's arms with a happy cry. Trevor nearly overbalanced, but caught himself, hugging her back. “I just have one question.”

“Yes?”

“What the hell were you two saying? I didn't understand a word of that!” Hetty just laughed, making her way to her bedroom. “I mean it! Is that what happens when older ghosts get pissed off? They start spouting old-timey gibberish?”

“It's not gibberish if someone else understands you.”

“Aw, c'mon!”

“Good night, dear!” Hetty disappeared into her room with a girlish giggle. Today had been remarkable! She felt more alive now than she had when she was alive! She may have been a ghost for 130 years, but Trevor had already proven to her that she still had plenty to learn and experience.

Trevor went down the stairs with a content spring in his step. They'd had a few missteps, but it felt like their game was afoot! He was just about to swing into the kitchen to bug Sam when Isaac grabbed him again, this time simply by laying a hand on his shoulder.

“Listen, Trevor, I'm sorry for misjudging you, but there's something you ought to know about Hetty if you mean to continue your pursuit.”

“All right. Shoot.”

Isaac looked around suspiciously. “Not here.” After investigating around, he settled on an empty room that he deemed sufficient. He pushed Trevor down into a battered chair while he took one across from him.

“If what Hetty confessed tonight was true, and I have no doubt that it is, I'm sure you have questions about her...conduct. This isn't known among you younger crowd, so don't go blabbing it around. For her sake.”

Trevor nodded, feeling kind of concerned. “Sure, sure. I mean, I think we're off to a good start; she said I'm the best she's had! She says she's felt things with me she's never felt before.”

“Yes, well, there's a reason for that. You see...she...was never presented.”

“She what?”

“Tragic, I know--”

“No, I mean...” Trevor floundered, “What's presented? Presented to what?”

“To society. She never had a season. A coming-out.”

“Wait, Hetty's gay?”

Isaac flinched and shook his head, practically shook his whole body in disagreement. “No! No, no, no. I mean she was never presented. Understand?”

Trevor shook his head. Then, a voice made them both jump.

“Is fancy party for girls back then,” Thor rumbled. “Thor remember. When girl becomes young lady and can look for worthy mate, they give big party. Girl get pretty dress and dance. But Hetty's father never let her have one.”

“Why not?”

Isaac sighed. “She was already promised to Elias. Not much point going through all the cost and bother of a season when he already picked her husband for her.”

“Not fair!” Thor growled, as if that injustice done to his friend over a century ago still rankled him. “Hetty go to her friends' parties but couldn't dance. No one asked. She come home and cry about it. Then Elias only make her feel worse. So glad he went down on us.”

“She had to be a chaperone,” Isaac explained. “Stand on the sidelines with the mothers and aunts and make sure the young ladies conducted themselves well. And everyone in the town was too afraid of her father and Elias to dare ask her to dance. She should have been the belle of the ball and she was a wallflower at 17.”

Trevor stood up, eyes ablaze, “Her dad married her off when she was 17?! What a creep! So she never got to date or party or anything?!”

“Until today, until you. You saw how happy she was when I gave you permission to court her. It was like undoing a wrong from her past, giving her a chance she should've had back then.”

As he slowly sank back down to his seat, Trevor looked faint. In his mind's eye, he could see Hetty at 17, the beribboned beauty of the town. Then thrust suddenly into early matron-hood, denied the chance to be young. “The poor kid. She never had a chance.”

“It's all done now, no way to undo it.” Isaac acknowledged sadly.

Thor picked it up, though. “Hetty deserve good man. You show her good time. Give her fun! Make her so happy! Give her good tumble in furs, yes?”

“Whoa! Bit soon for that!”

Isaac looked like he approved of the man's bashfulness. It was certainly unexpected, for all he talked a big game. “It would mean so much to her if you could brush up a little on the culture from when she was young. Surprise her.”

“I don't want to accidentally give her the wrong signals. I'll get Sam to look some stuff up for me, though.” With his luck, following Isaac's instructions to the letter would end up with him accidentally proposing! “We're still figuring things out, you know? No sense rushing, we've literally got forever.”

“Until one of you gets sucked off, leaving the other alone, unfulfilled, and riddled with regret,” Isaac lilted almost cheerfully.

Trevor nodded agreeably, but not agreeing. “Possible, not necessarily likely. We don't even know if we're compatible yet. All we know right now is we like each other and are giving this a shot. I'm just gonna do what Thor says and show her a good time. Let her relive some of her unspent youth.”

With that, he let himself out to continue his rambling around the house. He crossed paths with Flower, who was staring at the chandelier before he caught her attention.

“Ooo! If it isn't Freddie Einsford-Hill!” she trilled, clapping her hands.

“What, who? No, it's me, Trevor. Remember?”

“Duh! I meant from My Fair Lady. You know, the handsome guy in the hat? All at once am I several stories high, knowing I'm on the street where you live”, she sang, swaying to her own rhythm. “Lover Boy!”

“Oh! Yeah, never saw that one.”

“I'm glad you and Hetty are giving each other a shot. You can really turn her engine over!”

Trying to put it in period-accurate context caused Trevor to conjure up an absurd mental image of a crank-starter on an original “horseless carriage”. He laughed at the picture in his head. Then, he strode into the room that Sam used as her office, an idea brewing...

“Hey, you got a minute?” he asked after walking through the closed door.

Sam looked up from her computer, bleary-eyed, distinctly grateful for the interruption. “Sure, Trevor, what do you need?”

“I need you to look some stuff up for me. And...could you spare enough cash to order Hetty some flowers?” He knew they were on a fine edge, financially, but after what Isaac told him, Trevor wanted to do something special.

Sam gave a little jolt of surprise. “Wow, you really are serious about this, aren't you?”

Not wanting to be caught looking too sentimental, he shrugged with a noncommittal little dance. “Chicks like that sorta thing.”

“Right,” Sam laughed, having seen how gone for each other those two had looked just a little while ago. “You're not trying to do something nice. You just want to rope her in, right?” she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “I've got your number, I know underneath all that swagger you're an okay guy. So, what do you want me to look up? And what kind of flowers? They can't be too expensive.”

“We'll make do. First, I want to look up Victorian flower language.”

Sam's eyes and smile grew wide! “Oh my god, you're doing it up right! Wow! I'm impressed. So, what do you want to say to her. Think she'll understand it?”

“She's hoity-toity enough to, I'm guessing.” He stood behind her as she began her search...

Eventually, Trevor selected what he wanted based on what they meant: black rose (death, an appropriate flower for courting a ghost), pink rose (affection), yellow jasmine (grace and elegance), hyacinth (playfulness), although he had lingered over a picture of a full blown iris with interest. Sam filed that away in case they wanted to plant some after a thaw so they'd come up in the spring.

“You like irises?” she posed innocently.

He chuckled lightly, brushing it aside. “They just remind me of her dress. All the ruffles.” He didn't realize the serene smile he had on his face as he contemplated it. He could see her in his mind's eye, walking with that adorable not-a-waddle. He shook his head, reminding himself that this was just a game to get revenge on their gossipy friends. Still, he felt his mind glaze over; he'd had more physical intimacy today with Hetty than he had in the past two decades, it was bound to affect his thinking. Besides, as Hetty pointed out, what would the harm be in enjoying themselves? And each other?

Sam wouldn't say it, but she found Trevor's entranced state sweetly endearing. It was always nice to see the softer side of her ghost friends. The men, especially, tended to keep those cards close to the vest.

“Quite the unusual bouquet, but I'm sure she'll love it,” Sam approved, typing in the order on a local florist's website. Luckily, it was small enough that even with a morning delivery scheduled, it didn't break the bank. Sam looked up at Trevor with a conspiratorial expression, feeling like she was up to something! “Oh, I bet she'll be surprised! I wish we knew if she was a heavy sleeper or not. I could sneak in and leave it in a vase in her room.

“I wouldn't advise that,” Isaac announced, entering the room and conversation without preamble. “She's usually a fairly light sleeper unless she's worn herself out. Why are we sneaking into Hetty's room?”

Sam and Trevor explained about the flowers and Isaac's posture relaxed significantly. “Well, as a military strategist, I suggest we use a decoy to lure her out of her room while you make the delivery, Sam.”

“I probably could,” put in Trevor with a shrug. “We could go outside if it's nice, or I'm sure we could find something to keep her distracted with in the house.”

“All right, troops! To bed!” Isaac commanded before turning on his heel and striding out.

“Am...I one of the troops now?” Sam asked.

Trevor shook his head, “Nah, you're still alive. If you die here and stay on as a ghost, though, consider yourself enlisted.”

Chapter 4: Memory Lane

Chapter Summary:Hetty and Trevor take another walk. Secrets are revealed. Things aren't always what they seem.

The next morning, everyone rose and gathered around the table to get a whiff of coffee. Hetty had clearly been plotting before bed, because she gave Trevor a significant flick of her eyebrows. He repeated the gesture with an agreeable “ooo” face and bit his lip in anticipation.

Hetty grinned evilly, wishing she could signal to Trevor with something more precise. A “follow my lead” or “trust me” signal would be very useful right now. Quickly, she got into character. She had a few people she planned to model her lovesick act on, one of whom was her flirty cousin, Tansy. She always had a beau for every day of the week, and two for Sundays!

“And how did my cuddle-bear sleep last night?” She baby-talked while batting her eyes.

Trevor fought against his urge to laugh, and decided to play right back, sauntering up to her and stroking a finger under her chin. He didn't know how good of an act she could maintain, so he figured he'd help her out. “Oh, not bad. How about my Hetty-Cat?” He took her by surprise and gave her a kiss.

“Mmm!”

“What's going on?” Jay asked, watching Sam react to all that was transpiring around them.

“Uh, Trevor gave Hetty a pretty solid good-morning kiss and let's just say Hetty.exe has stopped running.”

Jay did a little victory dance in place, “Ooo, get it, girl! Way to make up for lost time! You better be nice to her, Trevor!”

“Does my Hetty-Cat want cuddles?” Trevor murmured as he traced her cheek.

Hetty blinked languidly at him, still rebooting from his kiss. “Yes, please.” She grabbed him by the tie and dragged him away. Not a single soul felt inclined to follow or listen in. Hetty and Trevor stepped outside and walked briskly down the usual path around the property. It was a cool, gray day and it looked as though it could rain or even snow any minute.

Once they were out of sight and earshot, they dropped character. “Hetty-Cat?” She demanded right off the bat.

“Hey, it fits,” Trevor pointed out. “First off, it rhymes with kittycat. Secondly, you act like you were a cat in a previous life. You love a good lap, you're a cuddler, on your own terms. Plus, we all know you still have your claws.”

Finding nothing objectionable about this pet name, she nodded. “Very well, I'll allow it. I'll just have to come up with something equally ridiculous for you.”

“Just not cuddle-bear, that was selling it a bit hard.”

Hetty waved a hand in the air as she strode ahead, driving Trevor wild with her swishing bustle. “Oh, fine. I was doing an impression of my silly cousin, anyway. She always talked like that with her suitors.” Then, she turned around and saw the way he was staring, slack-jawed. “Keep your tongue in your mouth, young man!” And before she could stop her impulse, she slapped him in the face! They both stood there, stunned. Hetty clapped her hands over her mouth in alarm. “Oh, I'm sorry!”

Trevor shook his head, put his hand to his right cheek...right cheek? Already, the sting was fading away. “Never knew you were left-handed,” he grumbled.

Hetty quickly hid her incriminating hand behind her back, as if that would right any wrong. “Please, oh, please don't tell the others! I was good for so long! Almost my whole life! I'd been trained out of it but then I died and...”

“Nature took over,” Trevor filled in. “You're more your real self like this, aren't you? I guess we all are.”

Fidgeting nervously, Hetty nodded, still flushed with guilt. “I'm so sorry. Both for striking you and...” she massaged her left hand, as if afraid of it.

Trevor deliberately took her by the left hand and they continued their walk. He gave it a squeeze and brought it up for a kiss, feeling strangely smug that he knew something about her that no one else did! Maybe not even Isaac! “Hey, nothing's wrong with being left-handed. I know in your day it was probably said to be the mark of the devil, but--”

“Do you know what it was like to have red hair and be left-handed back then?! Father wanted to drown me for my own good! 'We have others,' he said! Luckily, Mother was a sentimental type. She just hired...teachers...” Hetty trailed off grimly with a shudder. These were unpleasant memories!

“Wow, no wonder you don't talk much about what it was like growing up. That's messed up, I'm sorry. Really. I'm sorry your family treated you so badly.”

Hetty wasn't quite ready to recognize it as abuse, it was simply the way things had been. “It was just what happened back then, you know. It wasn't terrible. Could've been worse.”

“Could've been better,” Trevor contradicted. “They mistreated you. Normal human beings don't even think about that kind of thing. It was twisted, wrong, and I think deep down you know it.”

Slowly, her face crumpled into a grimace as she fought to hold back tears. She didn't speak, but she nodded, remembering other things now, too.

“Oh, come here, Hetty-cat,” Trevor sighed, bringing her in for a hug. He felt tears seep into his jacket as he held her. He tried to remember the things his counselor told him in school at his monthly sessions. “They shouldn't have done that to you. It wasn't your fault. You weren't a bad kid. You deserved better.”

Those words worked like magic on her and she burst out sobbing harder, clinging harder to him. He hugged back tightly, knowing he wasn't supposed to be the one to be here for her in her grief, but since he was here, he would do his best. He made soft shushing noises at her. After another minute or so, he gently separated them, tugged his handkerchief out of his breast pocket and handed it to her.

As she wiped her face, the handkerchief dried itself off every few seconds. Soon, Hetty stopped her crying and handed it back. “Thank you. For...everything. That was...above and beyond, as they say.”

The more Trevor found out about Hetty's past, the more it complicated their ruse. Right now, he saw her wrapped up in a “Handle With Care” label. She'd already been through so much, despite her upper-crust upbringing. “Hey, what are friends for?”

This brought a genuine smile to her face, the last signs of her crying fit faded away. “I'm glad we're friends now. Took us long enough, didn't it?” Hetty looked at him thoughtfully. “I suppose I can attempt to repay you in kind. Not sure how long it'll last or how much good it will do, but...” she made a twirling gesture with her finger. Trevor obediently, if confusedly, turned around to face away from her. He heard the rustle of fabric.

A second later, Hetty cleared her throat. “You can turn back around now.” When he did, she was holding something large and white out to him, with lace edges. “Go on, put it on, you must be freezing out here.”

Trevor stared, accepting the offered petticoat. He unfurled it and held it in front of him with a puzzled expression. He saw Hetty's dress hung just a tad more limply than it normally did. He shrugged and stepped into it, securing it in the back. Once it was on, he looked down and smiled, doing a little twirl in place. “Wow, thanks! This feels so much better!”

Hetty suppressed a giggle. “I'm not sure how long you have before it snaps back to me, I've never tried this before, obviously, but...” she shrugged.

Looking genuinely thankful for this garment after twenty years of baring far too much for his comfort, he gave her a hasty hug and kiss on the cheek. “This is the nicest thing anyone's done for me since I got here! Well, not counting last week, that was awesome.” Now that had been the best! When they rallied around him to get back at his old friend who'd betrayed him. That was when he finally felt like he was part of the family.

“Oh, I wouldn't go that far,” Hetty protested, now feeling rather ashamed of how she and the other ghosts had treated the most recent arrival for the past two decades.

“No, it's fine. I was kind of an asshole. I brought it on myself.”

Shaking her head and taking his arm again, Hetty repeated his own words back to him. “You deserve better.”

Feeling touched both by her gesture and her words, Trevor turned her face toward him and kissed her again, lingering this time. She whimpered urgently and kissed back, pressing herself into him.

Trevor jumped back, placing his hands on her shoulders to keep a safe distance. “Whoa, whoa, whoa...let's cool it, right? Sorry, that was my bad.”

Hetty nodded, snapping herself out of that mood but still with a smile on her face. “Yes, of course. You've just...given me more...” she searched for the right word. Then, she cocked her head jauntily with a quirky grin, “attention in the past twenty-four hours than I've frankly had in my whole life. And afterlife. So, 180 years all together. I like it. Thank you.” She gave a little satisfied shimmy in place, making her dress swish.

Trevor looked down at her skirts, brow furrowed in thought. “How many of those do you have in there, anyway?”

“Oh, it's fine, you can keep it if you can. There are two more left, so I can spare one.”

“You wore three petticoats? Is this how everyone dressed back then?” he asked with a laugh. He'd never really considered historical fashions or why things were the way they were. Now was a good time for some answers. Much to Trevor's surprise, Hetty wore a guilty expression. She smiled naughtily at him, giving her dress an extra flounce, as if contemplating the answer gave her a boost.

“You want the whole story behind this dress?”

“There's a story behind that dress? Oh, I've gotta hear this! Why were you wearing all of this when you died?” He gestured expansively over her confection of a dress.

“You're really critiquing my attire?” Hetty leveled a significant glance to Trevor's waist. Then, with a prim, defensive nose in the air, she answered, “I wanted to feel pretty.” She then fiddled with her skirt, looking at it fondly as she fingered its silky folds.

“And did you?” She nodded. “And do you still?” She nodded again with a bigger smile. “Well, that's good. You're stuck in that outfit forever, I wouldn't have expected a contraption like that to be comfortable.”

“Oh, it is! I swear, everything you've heard about corsets being torture devices is a load of nonsense to make you cringe at how barbaric we were back then. I assure you it's quite comfortable. It's good for the posture, too. But that's not the story behind this dress. You can't tell anyone! Well, your fellow 20th century ghosts, I mean. The others all saw parts of it happen, probably.”

Trevor shook his head in wonderment. He was being let in on all kinds of secrets that only the four oldest ghosts were privy to! “Go on, you're winding me up!” When he was alive, he was never all that interested in what people had to say. He certainly couldn't listen to someone talk for this long and still care about what they were talking about. Now, though, with their minimal sources of entertainment, he hung onto every word of her story.

“Back in '75, that's 1875, Elias was out of town on business one day, and we all know what that really meant.” Hetty and Trevor exchanged a knowing look, shaking their heads in unison with identical scowls. “So, I figured, to hell with it! I was driven into the city--”

“Horse-drawn or horseless carriage?” Trevor asked.

“Horse-drawn, silly! Automobiles weren't around yet back then! It was my own personal brougham. Polished red wood exterior, emerald green velvet seats, brass lamps with real crystal...”

“Riding in style.” Trevor was practically drooling over the mental image. With some poor, nameless, top-hatted driver. He would have gladly driven her carriage for a ride like that! “Single or pair?”

“A pair...bays, I think they were. Oh, it was such a lovely day! Thank you for helping me remember it in full.”

“You could be making it all up and I wouldn't know, but you're painting a beautiful picture. So, what season? Because I'd say this was a summertime dress.”

“It was in September, actually. Right at the end of summer. It was just starting to turn crisp, and the leaves were beginning to change.”

“I love September in New York,” Trevor remarked enviously. Her story was making him unexpectedly homesick, despite having so little to do with anything he would have found familiar.

Hetty interrupted his thoughts abruptly, “So, we arrived next to my usual dressmaker's. There were some on display ready-made that were available to buy, with a seamstress on staff to make necessary alterations to fit. I tried this one on and, oh! It was like it was made for me! The seamstress made a show of measuring and marking with chalk and stitching here and there, but between you and me, I could have bought it off the rack.”

“Shows they had pride in their work. They wanted to give you the star treatment, especially if you were repeat business,” Trevor observed.

Hetty smiled, remembering those ladies fussing over her. “Yes, well, after all of that I wore the dress out of the shop! I left my old one there for them to use for something else. I charged the new dress to Elias's account and in return for my old dress, they threw in a matching parasol.”

“Oh, wow, pretty slick.” Trevor tried to imagine it all, it sounded like the shopping scene from Pretty Woman, with all the store staff scurrying to help her.

“Well, they make those out of leftover pieces anyway. It's their usual way to turn a profit off of what would otherwise be thrown away.”

“Thrifty of them, good business practice,” Trevor agreed. “So, so?”

Hetty beamed, alight in this fond memory of a perfect day. “Then...I rounded up the girls!”

“Ah!” applauded Trevor. “Ladies night! While the cat's away the mice will play!”

“I sent a wire to each of them. There was a new opera that just opened, and oh, it was said to be the absolute living end! The very thing! And it was, it really was! Have you heard of Die Fledermaus? It's a total hullabaloo!”

It struck Trevor that it wasn't just when she was angry that Hetty dipped further back into her 19th century dialect. Afloat in a happy memory, those “old timey” words came more fluently as the past felt more like the present. “Oh yeah! We got to see that on our choir trip in high school! With the translations and everything, it was pretty funny. It was about a house party, wasn't it?”

“Yes! And so there we all were: me, Delphinium, and Francine, and all of us were in similar boats as far as our husbands were concerned, they were all ghastly, so all through the show we kept nudging each other and saying 'Oh, look, it's you! Look, it's your husband!' That sort of thing,” she laughed. Trevor laughed along with her, becoming quite enchanted with his companion's joyous countenance. He was glad to give her the chance to recount this story, and that she had such a pleasant memory amid such an unpleasant life.

“And then we got invited to the after party--”

Trevor held up his hands, amazed, “Wait, wait, wait. Operas had after parties?” They'd always seemed so snooty to him. To hear that this was something people did literally for fun was new.

“I think you would say it was not on the hook!” Hetty reported, looking pleased with herself for employing a modern turn of phrase. Trevor didn't bother to correct her, he was enjoying her story too much and he knew what she meant. For all she knew, it referred to the vaudeville hook gag to yank rejected acts off the stage. If something was not on the hook, it must have been a smashing success! “I got home a little after two in the morning, ten minutes after Elias came crawling home as well. He'd roused the whole household when he'd gotten home and found me gone. Oh, he was furious! 'Where have you been all night?!' he asked me. 'Where have you been all night?!' I asked back. We argued, he made baseless accusations. I made decidedly based accusations! In the end, he forbade me to wear this dress again, because he said it was symbolic of my defiance, and I would not be permitted to mock him in that way. He had more 'logical' complaints about it, of course, that he tried to couch his disapproval in. The color was too garish, the cut too striking, it drew too much attention...But mostly I knew it was because he could see how happy I was in it.”

Trevor dragged his gaze significantly up and down his friend. “Clearly, you never wore that dress again.” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

This brought a smug smile to Hetty's face, cluing Trevor in that she'd managed to get one over on the old goat. “It originally had a few extra ribbons on the sleeves,” she confessed, gesturing about halfway between her shoulder and elbow. “So I removed them and wore them around my neck or waist, or in my hair when I felt like calling him out.”

That simple act of rebellion, especially considering her time period, wholly impressed Trevor. “You...have a spine of steel!”

Hetty basked in his approval, pleased that her actions impressed him so much! “So then in 1891 I was celebrating the one year anniversary of my husband's mysterious disappearance.”

“I don't know how you managed to get off not being a suspect,” Trevor shook his head wonderingly.

“Too many others in line ahead of me. He was a very unpopular man. So, for this special occasion, I had Josephine, my maid--”

“The same one Elias cheated on you with?”

“Same one. But she wasn't exactly grief-stricken at his loss, either. We remained as good of friends as we could be. She helped hoist me back into this old thing. I absolutely detested those stark slimmed-down fashions that were coming out around then! I felt naked in most of those! I missed the volume! The...” she fluffed out her skirts pointedly, looking to Trevor for the word she was looking for.

“Floof?”

“Ha! Floof, I like that! I missed the floof!” Hetty agreed. “Fuller skirts and bustles gave ladies better personal space, too. No one can crowd uncomfortably close in something like this. Frankly, this is the most fun dress I've ever owned. And I get to wear it forever. Like a reminder of my very best day when I was alive; forever and ever and ever.” She still looked so self-satisfied at that idea. The novelty hadn't come close to wearing off!

Trevor grinned, feeling now like he was in on some great secret. “Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your secret fluffy fun dress. For all anyone else knows, you are, were, and always will be a Very Proper Lady.” He gave her a hip-bump at that. “Hang on, so when Elias came back just recently...oh man! He got to see you in this! You...oh, wow, you got to stand there in front of him, wearing your Defiance Dress, you told him to go to Hell, and down he went! That's incredible!”

“It was rather the icing on the cake,” Hetty agreed proudly, flouncing contentedly. Trevor let her trot on ahead for a few feet. He couldn't help it if he had a thing for the rear view! He was already getting used to this newly-discovered proclivity.

Chapter 5: Helping Hands

Chapter Summary: Friendly advice is always welcome!

By the time they got back to the house, both Hetty and Trevor had ridden their emotional roller coasters to their ends. When they stepped through the door, Trevor had his usual swagger back. When he was sure he had everyone's attention, and that they were all gaping at him wearing a petticoat, he did a runway strut and twirl. “Aw, yeah! Check it out! I'm wearing my girlfriend's underwear!”

Hetty put a hand over her face and shook her head. She was grateful for these moments when his primary personality would shine through, it kept her from feeling too infatuated with the ridiculous man. The others all groaned as well, but that didn't dampen Trevor's spirits. He was obviously enjoying his new attire as well as the attention it drew.

“It certainly suits you, dear,” Hetty allowed, dragging herself into the kitchen with Sam and Jay. She sat down and moaned, “I'm dating an idiot of the first water.”

Sam gave Jay a pat on the shoulder and repeated her remark for him. “At least he's cute, right?”

“He certainly is.”

“Oh, I get it! Hetty, you're a morosexual!” Jay announced in an epiphany.

Hetty looked up at him, agape! “I beg your pardon! What do you mean by that?!”

“What's that mean?” Sam whispered to him.

“It means you're attracted to morons. You like 'em big, hot, and stupid with all the right talents,” Jay explained. “I totally get it, the man's an Adonis! I might've even gone to bed with him!”

With a somewhat dazed expression, Hetty had to agree with him there. “Um, yes, that does seem to match up. Look at me, learning all kinds of new words for things! Touch-starved, morosexual, most illuminating.”

“Glad we could help,” Sam told her, patting the table between them. “Hey while you and Trevor were out, we had a delivery for you.”

“For me?” Hetty asked, confused. “How is that possible?”

Sam and Jay made identical coy faces, looking distinctly up to something. “Better go up to your room and see! Bring Trevor!”

Looking utterly baffled, she gestures to Trevor to follow her upstairs. “They say there was a delivery for me while we were out! I never even received that many deliveries when I was alive!”

“Must be something special,” Trevor supposed, feeling pleased with himself already. They reached her room and there on her nightstand was the oddly-arranged bouquet.

Hetty paused, bending over the blossoms to breathe in their scent. She looked up with an automatic smile. “Somehow, you did this. But why here? Shouldn't this be more of a public thing?”

“Fair point. We'll have Sam bring them down for the others to see. But first...can you tell me what it means?”

Passing a finger through each flower, she named each of them and what they symbolized. She paused for a moment over the yellow jasmine. “Elegance?” Her expression was softly flattered and a little shy. Nobody had gone to the trouble of flattering her like this before. She wasn't sure how to react.

Trevor simply gestured to her with both hands. “Obviously.”

Then, lying outside of the vase on its side was a satiny pink iris blossom.

Trevor scoffed when he saw that one. “Sam! She...she saw me looking at the irises. I told her how they remind me of all the ruffles in your dress. It's stupid.”

That evidently warmed Hetty's heart. She gave a soft gasp and took his hands, eyes shining. “I'm going to try to hold it together, as you say. I'm not going to make too much of a fuss over this. But...thank you. That's the sweetest thing anyone's done for me. Even if it's all pretend.” She looked significantly at the hyacinth, symbolizing playfulness, brazenly declaring their relationship to be a playful act. “You've been so kind. Far better than--”

Trevor let out a humorless laugh, “Better than what? Than your asshole husband? I'd certainly hope so! Wow! Your bar is so low, I'd have to dig to get under it! You deserve so much better than that, and this! You...you need something real. Because when it's the real thing, it's the best feeling in the world. If you ever get to do this for real, I hope they make you far happier than our silly shenanigans have made you!” He softened, taking Hetty by the shoulders, then he laid a hand to her cheek. It floored him to see her eyes close in bliss. A stray tear slid down her cheek and he brushed it away with his thumb. “Tell me, why do you carry on so much when I touch your face like this?”

Hetty thought, rather put on the spot. “Because...it's extra. You can go to bed with someone you don't like—God knows I have!; you can even hug or kiss someone you don't like if you're committed enough to the role. Those things are expected.” She cuddled into his touch. “This is extra. You don't have to do it. It feels...as though you like me.”

“I like you,” he responded simply. Somehow he knew she hadn't exactly spoken her thoughts, that she'd walked back what it really made her feel like because she was afraid of how it would sound. Still, he let it lie.

Hetty opened her eyes, placed her hand over Trevor's for a moment before removing it. “Well, we're not putting on much of a show, hiding up here away from everybody.”

“No, I guess not.”

“Trevor?” she whispered softly.

“Hmm?”

Hetty continued whispering, even though there was no one nearby to eavesdrop. “I'm very much in a state right now. If you'd be so kind, if you'd be so...inclined...I would...greatly appreciate your assistance. Please? It's...quite urgent, and I've never...” she trailed off with a nervous laugh.

Trevor's jaw fell open, then he physically shut it with his hand. “Uh, okay. Later?”

With a happy squeak, Hetty skipped in place, “Really? Oh, thank you!” She gazed at him heatedly and gave a shiver of delight at the prospect. She looked positively giddy as a schoolgirl! “I...look forward to it! Now there's something I've never said before! Oh, but I trust you! I trust you to not be too awful. I've always thought it strange that so many women wanted something that would hurt them! But now I feel it, too! Isn't that funny?”

That left too much to unpack at the moment for Trevor's taste. They'd continue this later when it came time to actually do the deed. “All right, let's save it for our audience,” he reminded her, even though her excitement was kind of contagious. It reminded him of his secondary mission here: to give Hetty the courtship she never had. He was prepared to treat her like the frilly, hormone-addled teenager that never got the chance to dance. He looked down at himself, pleasantly surprised. “Hey, my petticoat's still on!”

Hetty took his arm and steered him back downstairs with her. “There's a sentence you never thought you'd say.”

They headed downstairs and Hetty animatedly gushed about the flowers that Trevor had delivered. Sam ran upstairs to bring down the vase so everyone could see. It was deemed a very pretty, if unusual bouquet by all. None of the others had ever learned flower language, so any hidden messages would remain hidden. Trevor was congratulated by the men for coming up with such a thoughtful gift, while the ladies cooed over how lucky Hetty was to finally be attracting some attention.

“Now, I know the bull's been in the pen for a while, but just don't do anything too embarrassing,” Alberta advised.

This advice was met with a dramatic roll of the eyes. “Oh, yes, Mother. Honestly, are you my chaperone, Alberta?” Hetty asked, hands on her hips.

“Just a friend with your best interests at heart. I'm still surprised at the two of you, taking to each other all of a sudden. I always thought you had your eye on...someone else,” Alberta hinted, flicking her gaze over at Thorfinn.

Hetty blushed! She clapped a hand over her mouth and held in a gasp. “I...don't think he wants me,” she breathed resignedly. “I think he prefers someone younger,” she added, glancing briefly in Flower's direction. The perpetually spaced-out hippie was gazing raptly at the wallpaper, occasionally waving her hand in front of it as if trying to grab the pattern. Hetty shrugged before turning back to her friend. “She has a good soul. I'm sure they have lots in common.”

Alberta's eyes widened! She hadn't denied interest, just assumed that he had none for her! Then, Trevor caught her eye, creeping up on them. He raised a finger to his lips, signaling her to be quiet. She could barely keep a neutral face. Trevor grabbed Hetty around her waist, making her shriek in alarm! It dissolved into giggles when she realized it was him.

“Look at you, all bubbly,” Alberta remarked once again, looking happy to see her friend so well tended-to. The poor thing had been aching for this kind of attention for far too long! She watched Hetty turn around in Trevor's arms and gaze at him besottedly.

Hetty pressed up against Trevor, drawing her hands over his where they rested around her waist. “All right?” she breathed in his ear.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“You'll let me know if...you find me tiresome? Truly?”

Trevor drew back and looked at her curiously. Something in the way she said it told him she'd heard that word leveled at her before. Tiresome. Her husband had found her tiresome and simply cast her aside in favor of less complicated company.

“You are many things, Hetty Woodstone, but tiresome isn't one of them,” he answered, loud and clear. “Truly.” Seeing her worried expression melt away made him wonder if this might be an acceptable form of therapy for her. A newly-forged friendship, doling out and receiving unprecedented amounts of physical affection, the confidence one shares with a fellow conspirator of sorts: all of these things sounded like just what she needed! And him, too! Trevor knew he'd for the longest time suffered from trust issues, he'd always been a lonely child, but learned to fake obnoxious amounts of confidence when he got older. So much of him was fake. But now, being in a declared fake relationship, he felt more real than he'd ever been. He could be himself, whatever form that would take, because either one would look perfectly natural in this situation. But how to say all of that in a way that wouldn't tip anyone off, and wouldn't require dragging her away to someplace private again? “If you ask me, all this is just what the doctor ordered. For both of us.”

Hetty smiled, but had a questioning look about her, like she wasn't sure if he was acting or being serious. To answer, Trevor stroked his fingers across her cheek. I like you. Her eyes closed blissfully with a musical sigh as the tingles coursed through her. Whether or not it was all for show, she was certainly enjoying the attention!

“Go on, break it up or get a room!” Alberta huffed, waving her hands as if to fan them apart. “Do something else besides playing kissy-face. Help her out, Trevor! She doesn't know what couples do! When she was alive, couples just ignored each other while waiting for the other to die! Start thinking up some good dates to have fun. It doesn't have to be all this lovey-dovey stuff.”

“Oh, honestly!” Hetty objected stamping her foot in annoyance. She pointed accusingly at her friend. “You said you weren't here to be my chaperone!”

“And you said you'd keep your bustle on!”

In reply, Hetty turned her back on Alberta, giving her bustle an extra flounce with each step as she stalked away. Trevor watched avidly and bit his lip before going to join Thor and Sas, who were watching TV. Alberta just tsked and shook her head, but still with a look of amusement on her face. Imagine, hundred-plus year old ghost of a middle-aged lady acting like a sassy, rebellious teenager! Well, she certainly had some wild oats left to sow!

Even as Hetty stormed off in a huff, she knew Alberta was right. They couldn't just be joined at the hips and lips this whole time if they wanted to look convincing. That would be fun, but it was true, there was more to being a couple than the physical side of things. Nowadays, couples actually did things together, shared interests! This might be harder than she thought!

Trevor sat with his friends on the couch, watching another silly dating show. Sasappis gave him a funny look before broaching the subject.

“So, you and Hetty, huh?”

“Hey, we've got you to thank for it, pal. If you hadn't said anything, neither of us would've known that the other felt the same way. We'd have gone, oh, another twenty years or so without realizing.”

“Trevor show Hetty good time! Make her feel all sparkly!” Thor growled happily, glad to know that her needs were finally being met. “Don't forget tumble in furs, though! Very important! Make her make noise like wounded seal! Ah, Trevor lucky man! I wager she have exquisite legs under those skirts!”

“Yeah, speaking of which,” Sasappis remarked, looking pointedly at Trevor's new clothes. “How's that working for ya?”

“Oh, man, it's the best! Do you know what it's like to have been feeling a draft for twenty years? This is amazing! My legs are finally warm! It's nice not hanging out all over the place.”

“You two have sure gotten to know each other in a hurry,” Sass observed.

“Oh, you have no idea. You wouldn't know it, but she's insatiable! I mean, I get it. I'm the best offer she's had in two centuries.”

“You're the only offer she's had in two centuries.”

Trevor looked at his friends as if something just occurred to him. “Yeah, why is that?”

Sass and Thor exchanged looks and shrugs, then looked back at Trevor in confusion.

“I mean it. You two have known her for all this time. How come no one's made a move until now? She's hot, she's funny, smart, a total beast!”

“No lie detected,” Thor thundered in agreement, in evident appreciation.

“So, why hasn't anyone given her a shot?”

Sasappis thought for a little longer and said, “She isn't exactly...approachable. I guess we all figured she wasn't up for that sort of thing.”

“Why the hell not?! She's as human as the rest of us. Ever think her high and mighty act might be a way to cope with being lonely? Maybe I'm not the first guy she's thought of that way, and the rest of you all snubbed her out of hand.”

“Thor not afraid of Hetty. Hetty afraid of Thor at first. Hurt feelings. Make friends later but take a while.”

“Yeah, I don't know where this butterfly she's suddenly turned into came from,” Sass remarked suspiciously. “I didn't think she could stand you.”

Trevor leaned back, hoping that these two weren't onto him. “Oh, you know, it just took a little nudge. Like magnets. If you face them the wrong way around, they push each other away. Line 'em up right, and...” he brought his fingers together with a grin. “I still think she would've given any of the rest of you a shot if you'd asked. Ladies like her don't make the first move, you know.”

Sass considered this, but shook his head. “Not my type.”

Trevor let out a scoffing laugh, “Not your type?! There are only three lady ghosts here and you have a type?! Look, your loss is my gain, but it kind of bums me out that I'm the first guy to take her for a spin in all these years.”

“It's different with her!” Sass objected hotly, looking serious all of a sudden. “I can't speak for anyone else, but...I watched her her whole life, and all that happened to her, then she died and joined us. She's been part of the family since then. She, Isaac, and Thor have been more or less the group leaders for all this time. After knowing her like this for the past hundred years, she's kind of gotten to be like a mom. I couldn't imagine dating her."

“Thor not feel quite like that. Hetty and me good friends when she was little. I tell her stories, sing her songs, she my brave princess. Then, one day, poof! I disappear to her. Have to watch her grow up all alone. Was sad when she die, but also happy to have her back. All grown up and fancy! I could finally give her hug! Thorfinn love Hetty very much, but being friends is good, too. Glad we're friends again. Glad you take good care of her now, Trevor. Don't forget seal sounds! Want to hear how happy you make her!”

“Sure thing, bud,” Trevor replied, struggling to keep a straight face while contemplating Hetty's “seal sounds”. That reminded him that she'd asked him! She wanted his assistance sometime tonight!

While Trevor and the others were watching TV together, Hetty lurked near Sam and Jay in hopes of observing a modern couple in the wild.

“Hetty? Is there something you wanted?” Sam asked curiously.

“No, no. Just watching. Trying to see how it's all done.”

Sam rubbed Jay's shoulder and reported, “Hetty's watching us as an example of what couples do.”

“Well, you're the logical choice. You're the only couple here! The rest of us...well, it's been an awfully long time! Even Trevor is bound to be rusty. Alberta suggested we explore a hobby together.”

“That sounds good. Sharing hobbies is a good way to forge a new relationship.”

Jay looked befuddled. “Hobbies? What hobbies do we share?”

“Well, there's the D&D game we do with the ghosts,” Sam supplied.

“I DM, you tell me what they're saying. That's not sharing a hobby, you don't even play.”

“Well, there's...uh...our home improvement shows!”

“That we turn into sexy role-play?” Jay recalled with a saucy grin.

“Jay, Hetty's still here,” Sam reminded him.

Hetty raised a silencing hand, stuttering nonsense syllables in her distress. She didn't need to be privy to that information regarding her descendant's sex life. “What would you recommend?”

Almost as if he heard her, Jay had a suggestion. “Well, Hetty, what's something you liked to do when you were alive? What's something you were good at or knew about, or were even just curious about? You and Trevor could do a little horizon-broadening there. Teach each other things, kind of bridge that gap,” he illustrated by slotting his fingers together. “Hey, you might already have things in common you hadn't even thought of. You both were in business, Sam tells me your family ran factories and stuff. He might've been more of the money side of the deal, but I'm sure you could understand each other well enough if you wanted to reminisce. Or you could go completely in another direction and pick up something neither of you is familiar with.”

Hetty sat down at the table and gazed raptly at this man. This actually sounded doable! Sam copied her and grinned at her husband. “She's liking this, I think you're really helping her out! That's some good advice!”

Jay sat down as well, across from Hetty. He tried his best to look at her. “It doesn't really matter what you end up doing together, as long as you enjoy spending time with each other. That's the main thing.”

“I would never have thought such a thing was possible,” Hetty admitted, pausing for Sam to pass that along. Then, without thinking, she reached for his hand, snatching it back dejectedly when her fingers passed through his. She rubbed her hand sadly, she'd forgotten for just a moment. She shook her head at Sam, asking her not to tell Jay about that.

“She appreciates the advice. I'm so glad you guys are buddies now,” Sam acknowledged with a satisfied air.

“Please, he's not just a buddy, he's family,” Hetty corrected sharply. She looked deeply offended that Samantha would minimize their relationship so.

“We're not just buddies, we're in-laws,” Jay objected, not unkindly, at the same time. “Right, Grandma?” He held out a fist for her to bump. “Come on, just tap.” Hetty did, feeling rather foolish, but it seemed to please Jay.

Sam lit up, clutching her hands fondly under her chin. “Aw, Jay, she says you're family, too! And she nailed the fist-bump, by the way.”

Hetty and Jay appeared to exchange incredulous, scoffing looks that said, “Of course!”

Looking regretfully between them, Sam said, “I wish you could see her, talk to her.”

“Yeah. Me, too. Since that day we spent together, I've actually caught myself missing her.”

Hetty just nodded, standing back up to leave. She's had her feelings piqued too keenly for her to take much more of this.

“She misses you, too,” Sam informed him sadly. This tenuous friendship between two people who are so important to her was so tinged with melancholy. As Hetty was nearly out of the room, Sam thought out loud, “I hope when I die, I get to stay. At least long enough to hug her.”

“Don't wish for that, Samantha,” Hetty stopped and told her, looking touched by what she'd heard nonetheless. “That's sweet of you to say, but believe me, you don't know what you're saying. I wouldn't wish this for you.”

Sam wasn't remotely in the mood to indulge in her ancestor's doom-and-gloom. She flicked a towel in her direction and tossed out with a smirk, “You know I'd make a damn good ghost!”

“Yes, I'm sure you would. You'd probably get the hang of your ghost power faster than I have as well.”

Sam leaned up against the counter, nudging Jay to include him in the discussion. “Yeah, I've been wondering that. How come some of you have things and others...”

“Don't yet?” Hetty put emphasis on the word yet , too proud to even suggest that she might not have one. She'd been dead for over a hundred years, had seen ghosts much younger than she rapidly discover their special skill, but she still hung onto a scrap of hope for herself. “It varies from person to person. It either springs from who they were as a person when they were alive, or some effect from how they died. Trevor's is...different. I don't know what connection his death has with touching things.”

Jay let Sam fill him in before making a suggestion. “Ooh, hey! Maybe you just need to tap your reserve, your...you know, oomph!” He gestured upward at his chest significantly.

Hetty smiled and cocked her head in a “maybe” gesture, before continuing on her way. She looked over her shoulder and gazed fondly at these people, her family, before seeking solitude again.

Unaware that they were once again alone, Jay continued, “You know, like when you're in the bathroom and struggling and you're like nnnuuughhh!”

Sam placed a hand on her husband's arm and shushed him. “That's enough. Thanks.” And she gave him a kiss on the temple.

Chapter 6: Explorations and Discoveries

Chapter Summary:Hetty and Trevor find they share unexpected similarities.
Note: All internet handles I mention in this chapter are from people in a chat room I used to frequent in college, Cosmo's Factory Zen Room.

Content warning for mention of antisemitism and child abuse.

Hetty floated back into the room where her flowers were on display. First, she cautiously looked around to confirm that she was alone. Then, with an easy, unconscious smile, she passed a finger through each one again, recalling what each one was meant to represent...and the iris. The one he chose to represent her, and all of her ruffles. Somehow, she was happy to not be able to immediately recall the iris's actual meaning. It could just be her. The one he hadn't intended to include touched her the most. It was truly a precious gift, a thoughtful one. In all her years of apparent luxurious living, no one had ever bestowed her a truly thoughtful gift. Something that simply reminded the giver of her. And now Trevor, of all people, without even trying had managed it. The swaggering, obnoxious, pantsless... She stopped her line of thinking there. He could hardly help his eternal wardrobe. It was simply an easy point to use to pick on him.

“Not anymore,” Hetty uttered out loud. She knew she was just as guilty as everyone else in the house for mocking the poor boy for his incomplete attire. And now she knew that she could have remedied it when he first came to them. She still didn't quite understand the rules involving their clothes, but it now appeared they were allowed to share. For how long? And what conditions applied? That they simply be freely given and accepted? There was still much regarding their afterlife that Hetty and the others didn't fully understand. And that was good. It would be a dull afterlife if there were no more mysteries.

She sat down and drew her legs up under her, gazing dreamily out the window as her smile grew. She and Trevor never discussed how long they planned to draw this chicanery out for. This could be all over tomorrow, or it might last into next week. Either way, she was determined to enjoy it. The courtship she never got to have. Hetty wondered if Trevor had any idea how much this charade meant to her, to be able to play at being lovers, to imagine he wanted her, to feel her own soul quicken at the thought of his touch! Those strange, urgent feelings that pressed her to him.

As if just thinking of Trevor drew him to her, he sauntered in and took a seat.

“Hey. How're you doing?”

“Quite well,” Hetty replied serenely, slipping her hand into his and squeezing. “And you? Still feel up to...all of this?” She angled herself in front of him, giving a suggestion of a double-entendre. Still, she wasn't quite as forward as she'd hoped to sound. Her expression was shy, hopeful, with the memory of too many disappointments behind it. The only thing that prodded her toward him was the fact that he'd promised her.

Trevor gaped for a second before mindfully closing his mouth. “All of...this?” he gestured toward her, up and down. “Um...Oh, wow. Ah...” he gave a faltering, nervous laugh. He recalled her description of what she anticipated. She trusted him not to be too awful, not to hurt her too badly. He gulped. It felt like he'd been called upon to represent the entire male portion of humanity, to prove to this lady that they weren't all like her husband. He kept that firmly in mind. After 180 years of life and death, she deserved to be tended to properly. If he could only scrounge up the nerve.

“Samantha said that you might have trouble recognizing me as 'a sensual creature with needs', but...you promised!”

Seeing Hetty look so eager yet retiring, as if she wasn't sure how to feel about this was a strange thing. This woman had always known what she wanted and how to get it, and had no compunctions about demanding it of others when necessary. Now, she reminded him of his date to the junior prom, once he got her in the back seat of his Porche. She'd been so shy but so excited! It had been her first time. Unfortunately, teenage Trevor lacked the grace and awareness to put in a special effort for a girl's first time. It had all been rather sloppy and slapdash, with multiple bumps to the head and knees for all parties. While this would be far from Hetty's first time with a man, he felt he owed her as much consideration as he could muster.

“Yeah. Let's.”

Hetty laughed, giving him a casual shove. “Not now, silly! We can wait until this evening. They'll all wonder where we've got to.”

“They'll be pretty sure of where we've got to,” contradicted Trevor, sounding quite certain of it.

“Pshh! Come on, let's do what Alberta suggested. Come up with something to do together that's not just...well, you know.” She gave a naughty giggle.

Trevor shook his head slowly in befuddlement. “You absolute vixen. Sass is right. Where the hell did this come from? Were you hiding this underneath your straight-laced, serious, disapproving lady routine?”

Hetty shrugged. “Maybe no one invited her out to play,” she sing-songed, giving his hand another squeeze. She leaned in confidentially and whispered, “Maybe no one's made me feel this way.” She nuzzled him, exhaling softly.

Suddenly, Trevor panicked! He stood up, leaving Hetty to fall forward slightly into where he'd been sitting. She caught herself and looked up at him questioningly. “Nope. Nuh-uh. No, not ready for that. Oh, god, I mean...no offense, but...oooh, boy. No, it's not...it's not what you think. It's not you, it's me, I just...”

“Just what?” she inquired, sounding more like her old imperious self. She drew herself back up and smoothed her dress back. Stately and proper once more.

This seemed to set Trevor at ease. He felt a lot less wrong-footed when she wasn't acting like a teenager in heat! “I want to do this right. I want it to be perfect. I don't want a hurried roll in the hay that leaves us both awkward and confused. Most of all, I want us to be friends after this is all over. I feel I've already gotten to know you a lot better in the past 24 hours and...I like you.”

Hetty smiled quietly, looking down at her hands clasped in her lap. “I feel the same way.”

“When you and I...you know--”

“Have physical relations,” Hetty supplied helpfully.

“Yeah, that. I want you to enjoy it. And I won't be able to do my best if I'm nervous or not in the right mood. Same goes for you. You won't enjoy it, either, if you're not feeling it.”

Hetty looked mildly surprised at how much he considered her enjoyment of such activities. Elias certainly never had! “Is that true? That I'd...actually enjoy it?!”

Trevor paced impatiently, wishing she wouldn't drag out the conversation in this direction. “Yes! At least, I hope you will! Look, Sam and Jay have lived here for months, haven't they? Surely, you've heard her when they're...in the middle of things.”

“Screaming,” Hetty answered faintly, placing a worried hand to her heart as she remembered. “The poor thing.”

“No, no, no! She's screaming like that because she likes it! Trust me. Other people have lived here, too. You've never gotten curious or wanted to--”

At this, Hetty shut her eyes tightly, held up a warding hand, and turned her head. It was all bringing back such awful memories. Her frisky mood was utterly dampened by this discussion. “I had quite enough of that when I was alive! I'm...not even sure I want to anymore. It was a silly fancy, I don't know what came over me. Your services are no longer required in that respect.”

Trevor nodded, not about to push back on this, especially seeing how much it upset her. He sat back down next to her and patted her knee. “That's okay. Just let me know if you change your mind. Otherwise, I totally understand why you wouldn't want to.”

Genuine relief flooded her face and voice. “Thank you. I'm sorry for my behavior, I honestly don't know what's become of me lately.”

“Hey, I get it. It's sort of like that day you spent in Jay's body.”

Hetty cringed at that memory, hiding her face in embarrassment. “Oh, no! Please, don't remind me!”

“No, seriously! We watched you the whole time, it was great! We were all so jealous! I mean, wow! There you were, in a Living body again, enjoying yourself so much! We were all seriously happy for you.”

Cautiously, Hetty peeked out from behind her fingers. “You were?”

“Yeah! That was the coolest thing!” He gave her a friendly nudge. “Everyone said they'd have done exactly what you did. Everybody was cheering you on. We only wanted to get you out of him because we missed you.”

Hetty lowered her hands completely, cautiously dropping her defenses. “You did?”

“Of course! So, yeah, I get it. Deep down, you're a hedonist. When you like something, or something feels good, you go for it in a big way! No holding back! That's the way to be! When something good comes along, you gotta grab it with both hands and hang on, because who knows when you'll get another chance?”

She decided to take his advice literally, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly with a noise that was almost a sob. “Hold me.”

Trevor did as he was told, hugging her back as she writhed against him, pressing her face against his shoulder while making soft, shuddering sounds. “Kitty gets cuddles,” he teased gently. He drew a long breath and observed, “Wow, you smell great.”

“That's strange, so do you.”

He sniffed deeply, nuzzling into her neck. “Oh, man, that's amazing. What is that? Mmm!” Then he surprised her by planting a series of wet kisses there. Hetty gasped, tightening her grasp, and letting out a soft, tinkling sigh.

“Oh! Oh, my...” She positively melted, sliding backwards on the sofa until they were both lying down with Trevor on top of her!

“Whoops!”

Hetty tittered, ruffling his hair. “Mmm. Hello.” She blinked at him bemusedly, leaned in and whispered. “There's a...a chance, let's say, that I might be, possibly...a little bit in love with you right now. I-I know it's not real, but just...now...here...here.” She laid a hand to his chest with a longing expression. “Just let me love you for a little while, please? I'll stop, don't worry. I just...really like this feeling. I want to be able to remember it later.”

Trevor stroked her cheek, knowing that it drove her wild, even if he didn't understand why. “That's fine. I might just love you a little bit right now, too. Okay?” He brushed their noses together before kissing her. Just a soft, quick smooch before parting again. The next minute, he helped her sit back up. “Good?”

After checking herself over, straightening up, Hetty nodded. “Yes, very. Thank you.”

“You done?”

“Yes. Are you?”

Trevor nodded. “That was nice, though.”

“It was.”

“So,” Trevor began, as if nothing had happened, or nearly happened between them, “you were saying Alberta suggested we explore some hobbies together?”

“Yes, she was quite firm on that matter. She insists we do more than 'kissy face' activities.”

“She's probably right. We might get to like it.”

Hetty scoffed, “We can't have that!”

Trevor gave her a hand as they rose from their seat, “We can ask Sam if she can pull some books down for us, I can turn the pages. That should give us some ideas.”

Trevor and Hetty took care not to spend the whole day in each other's orbit. They would split up and either go off by themselves or join in some group activities or discussions. It wouldn't do if they didn't give each other room.

Flower wandered up and approached Trevor where he sat listlessly in a chair. It was nearly the arranged time to meet up with Hetty for their hobby-exploration assignment. Flower peered at him, circling him like a vulture or a shark, squinting as if trying to see something better.

“Ooo! Interesting!”

“What's interesting, Flower? Seeing some good trails today?”

“No, well, yeah, but that's not what's interesting! It's you! You...aren't really in love with Hetty! And I'm willing to bet that she's not really in love with you!”

Trevor sat up straight, looking around to make sure no one else was around to hear. “How did you figure that out?!”

“Your aura doesn't have the right sparkle. You two are in cahoots, though! I can tell that much!”

He nodded, that was a good enough word for it. “Cahoots. I like it.”

“Thank you! You know, sometimes being in cahoots is better than being in love. It's less complicated. It means you like each other enough to be in on something together, but it's not like a big deal. You can be in cahoots today and drop it tomorrow once your cahootsing is done.”

Trevor grinned and shook his head. “You're all right, Flower. Enjoy the trails.”

At a carefully calculated time that it would look natural, Trevor beckoned to Hetty to join him in the library. Sam had pulled down a few books at his request and even left the tablet on the table for them.

For a few minutes, the other ghosts just listened, wondering what was going on in there. Then, they heard short exclamations of surprise, and laughter. A low murmur of conversation that they couldn't make out.

Alberta, in her office as unofficial chaperone, crept closer. They were both bent over the tablet; Trevor was concentrating hard, holding his wrist. Hetty was encouraging him with an awestruck expression. With one final grunt, he was done!

“Look, it's a rose! @-}-”

Hetty looked at it the right way around and laughed in surprise! “How extraordinary! Now isn't that the very thing! Alberta, look at this! He can make pictures out of punctuation marks!”

“Happy face, sad face, what's this one?”

“Kissing face,” Trevor explained with a wink.

“Ooo, boy, isn't that clever? What'll they think of next?”

“We used those all the time in chat rooms. That's like a website...a thing on the computer you can talk to people on. A lot of them had regulars and if you got in you'd have a whole crew. Kinda get to like each other.”

“Like here,” Hetty suggested, giving Trevor a soft look.

“Eh, kind of, but with like dozens of people, and we'd all have our own little nicknames. That's how I got to be called T-Money.”

“What would I be called, I wonder? Must it have your initials?” Hetty wondered, curious about this strange practice. It reminded her of something, though.

Alberta quietly left them alone, content that they weren't risking each other's honor in their secluded little nook.

Trevor shook his head. “Nah. It can be whatever you like. Some weren't even real words, just complete nonsense that they'd made up to go by. And we treated them like they were our real names! There was Avem, and Gad, Doec, Bjex, Vampire Columbia, ChryssyKitten, and oof, we all looked out for Evil Dotz, he was a real bastard. Nobody liked him! Only Linda could keep him in line. She was the leader.”

“Remarkable!”

“And then there was the shorthand we used...” he strained once more, summoning his strength to type some examples.

Hetty peered at the screen, brightening! “I know some of these! Not all of them, not even most, but--”

“How do you know any of them?!” Trevor demanded.

“We used our own shorthand and abbreviations in telegrams. I imagine it's a similar thing. That's what your chat room reminded me of, actually!”

“You wrote OMG in a telegram?”

Hetty nodded, “Oh yes! Because, you see, the object was to get as much message as you could--”

“--in a small space!”

“Yes, exactly!”

The two of them gazed at each other, surprised that their very different worlds had this similarity.

Hetty gave a comfortable little wiggle, smiling earnestly. “Quite spiffing, isn't it?”

Trevor stared, then rolled his eyes at himself. “This is going to sound so stupid, but--”

“Oh, go on. You know you don't have much reputation left to ruin.”

“Fair point. I just wanted to say...you have the most radiant smile.”

That made her smile grow just a touch. “Well. Thank you.”

Finding out another way that they were similar made normal conversation come easier. Before they knew it, Hetty was matter-of-factly relating more stories of her youth, things she'd never told anyone, and that only the oldest three ghosts knew anything about.

“Father was furious. I'm probably lucky he didn't kill me. Hmph! Wouldn't be much fun stuck as a seventeen-year-old ghost forever. And you couldn't have even pretended to notice me.” She felt a brief stab of pity for their resident teenage ghost, Stephanie. She was never awake long enough to be part of the gang, and she was perpetually so much younger than everyone else. It must be lonely. No wonder the girl was such a grouch.

Trevor was listening, in awe, finding himself wondering exactly how much of his notice was pretend anymore. Hetty was turning out to be a more interesting person than he gave her credit for originally!

“The telegram went astray, was sent return to sender, so of course it came back right to my father's hand.”

“What'd it say?”

“SOS, bring ladder, xo, Hetty.”

“You sent that to your mom's sister?”

Hetty sighed regretfully, “I tried to, but something must've gone wrong. It happens. So that night, they locked me in my room, so there was no chance I'd make a dash before my wedding day.”

“I still can't believe they made you get hitched that young. That's horrible. To someone you didn't even like.”

“Oh, and then, that night I really took my chances! It must've been some sort of miracle, but only half a one. There was a thunderstorm, and right at the end of it, a bolt of lightning hit one of the big trees near the house, a limb broke off and fell propped up against the wall under my bedroom window.”

Trevor sat up straighter, riveted! “Oh?”

“I put some shoes on and a wrap, filled my reticule with my most valuable jewelry, and I climbed down to freedom! Or so I thought. I didn't get far before my father heard my noise. He had the stable lad set the hounds after me.” Her eyes went cold and fearful at reliving this memory. Once more, she was so close to getting away, only to be captured like a fox on the hunt. “Father called off the dogs on the condition that I return. I got a good...scolding” she reflexively brought a hand to her shoulder with a wince, telling Trevor that it had been more than just a 'scolding', “and was informed what an ungrateful, spiteful devil child I was, and how they both hoped that Elias would teach me some better behavior. That they didn't care how much I hated him, that a deal's a deal and it was all settled.” She snapped out of her trance and looked over at Trevor, as if awaiting judgment.

“Man...” he sighed. He'd never heard anything like that! “You know, if I could jump through time and be there in 1857, I'd bring a ladder and a getaway car—carriage—if I knew it would spare you from that! Unless your parents would have approved of me as an alternative suitor?”

Hetty looked touched at the suggestion, but shook her head delicately, “They, ah, probably wouldn't have been terribly keen...on me being courted by a man named Lefkowitz, regardless of his prospects. Sorry to say.”

Trevor grimaced. He thought it would be like that, especially knowing what sort of people Hetty's parents were, but it still stung. To have it so plainly said. He wasn't about to let her off the hook, either. He knew she'd absorbed her share of it as well. “All right, now you. Would you have accepted me if I were a Maguire or O'Connell or McMahon...” he broke off, smirking at her uncomfortable expression.

For the first time since he'd known her, Hetty looked embarrassed by her prejudices, and having them pointed out. Perhaps placing them side by side with her parents' prejudices made her see how harmful they were. She shrugged flippantly. “Well, the Irish are people, too, apparently. Now, you might like this. Fan language..." she neatly changed the subject, indicating an old etiquette primer. Trevor smirked, obediently flipped open the cover, and together they pored over it.

Chapter 7: There's a Word for That

Chapter Summary: Hetty and Trevor recount some of their school days horror stories for each other and Isaac. More similarities are discovered. Then, things heat up!
Notes: Chapter rating goes up to M for depictions of sex (and T for thighs! ;))
Content warning for stories about teachers being bullies, physical and mental abuse.

Thanks for your patience, everyone who's still reading this! I had Covid earlier in the month, followed by the long haul to the end of the school year. Sorry for not updating when I intended to, but I hope you'll like this!

The more he thought of his pseudo-relationship with Hetty over the past couple of days, Trevor found he was kind of jealous of Isaac because there was (seemingly) nothing he didn't already know about her. Every little thing he was learning about her during the course of their courtship, the older ghosts, especially Isaac, already knew it! And whether they were in love or just in cahoots, Trevor's pride demanded that he have some special secret with her

However, growing up in a houseful of observant and bored ghosts with nothing better to do than watch the Livings, Hetty didn't have many secrets left. Except possibly one. There was only one way to tell...

Trevor decided to find out if Isaac knew about Hetty being left-handed by innocently discussing their school days among the three of them. He and Hetty found Isaac in one of the living rooms, sat down together and waved him over.

“Trevor was just asking me about how different education was between my time and his, it got us rather on a trip down memory lane. Were there any teachers that stuck out to you, Isaac?”

Isaac made a face, waving that aside with a flourish. "Oh, nobody could have been worse than that one of yours, Hetty! Remember Mrs. McKeon?"

Hetty curled her lip, "Irish. How could I forget."

"Yes, yes. But she was the one who used to tie you to your chair when you were only six or seven, wasn't it?"

Hetty nodded slowly, staring unseeing in front of her.

"What'd she do that for?!" Trevor asks, appalled. He knew times were different back then, but that sounded positively medieval!

"Because I was bad," Hetty monotoned, reliving that shameful memory. "Or so she said."

Trevor spluttered, looking truly horrified by that. As strange as it had been to imagine Hetty as a young newlywed, it was another realm of strange to picture her as a child of six or seven, being treated that way! So many people had failed her along her journey through life! The people who ought to have had her best interests at heart! "Who says that to an innocent little girl?!”

“Bad and stupid,” Hetty expanded, glowering at the memory. “Even for a girl, she said, I ought to have had better sense. I wouldn't sit still, I'd swing my legs, get distracted. I wrote...incorrectly.” Only Trevor noticed her clench her left hand as she said this. “She even had a behavior chart she'd mark me on every day and after she was done with me, she'd hand it over to my parents. They always knew I would need somebody firm to keep me in hand when I grew up.”

Trevor shook his head in disgust, seeing how those dominoes had all fallen to lead up to her entire life and death. Her story sounded like one he was intimately familiar with that thankfully had a different result. “You know, it sounds like you might've had ADD. And oh, man, you've been off your meds, you haven't had a touch of cocaine for 130 years! No wonder you're moody sometimes! And you have to keep clasping your hands together like that to keep from fidgeting with everything you can't touch."

Hetty snapped out of her trance, looking sharply at him. "Is that a real thing? A reason for...all of that?"

He nodded, taking her hands. "My sister has it. Harder to detect in girls, actually. It's defined as having a poor attention span, but it turns out it's lots of things. For some, it makes them perceive time differently, your brain actually keeps you from getting started on things that need to get done, you just plain think differently. So many other things that add up on top of the original symptoms. Izzy, my sister, had a hard time telling if someone was kidding or not, and... " Trevor trailed off as he realized something, “it would about kill her when she thought her friends didn't like her.” The dawning realization of how so many of them, especially the 'younger' ghosts had treated Hetty over the years hit him hard. How badly had they hurt her? Was that why she held herself aloof from so many of them? Why she clung so hard to the pre-20th century ghosts with the exception of Alberta? They were her trusted circle, and they never gave her reason to wonder if she was one of them. Trevor made a mental note to have a word with his nearer contemporaries about that.

Hetty's eyes grew wide, all of this sounded like her! She leaned toward him, squeezing his hands urgently. She called over her shoulder, "Isaac! Did you hear that?! That awful woman was wrong! I wasn't bad or stupid for not sitting still! For fidgeting..."

Trevor broke into a bright smile, pleased to see this transformation in his friend. That look of amazement, of revelation! "Tapping your pencil, staring out the window too much, thinking too abstractly or too literally..." he tallied out. He got bold, leaned in and whispered, "And being left-handed."

"See? There's something you knew that he didn't know first," she whispered back, giving him a nuzzle and a kiss. Somehow she'd guessed that that's what he'd wanted to find out!

Not having heard their whispers and assuming they were private lovers words shared between them, Isaac looked beside himself with happiness. He'd hated that teacher of hers, too, and thought her methods were barbaric, her expectations impossible. Now, someone who had previously been his least favorite ghost on the premises cracked the case of what was “wrong” with his friend. “Hetty, that's wonderful! I'm so sorry it's so late in coming, but I knew you were never bad or stupid. I'm sorry you've carried that with you for all this time.”

Hetty just broke into hysterical giggles, flinging her arms around Trevor in a tight hug. “Thank you, thank you! Even if you just made it all up--”

“I didn't, trust me. I hope that awful woman went down just like Elias. Those two plus your parents ruined your whole life! It's a common enough disorder, now that it's recognized. And no wonder cocaine calmed you down! That would have been the closest enough thing to medications for it in your time. I bet it took the edge right off.”

“It did,” she agreed. “I could never understand why other people used it to wake up or have extra energy. It settled me right down like a charm. Pity that nobody's died with any on them. I could use a touch.”

They rose and Isaac gathered Hetty into a tight hug, glad to have had this long-standing issue finally resolved. He could practically kiss Trevor for helping his dear friend realize that whatever was “wrong” with her was perfectly ordinary, and that she hadn't deserved such vile treatment. He contented himself with a firm, friendly grip on his shoulder and a hearty handshake.

Hetty still wasn't finished, though. There was more to Trevor's revelation that he wasn't letting on. He hadn't just been sorry for her for what she'd gone through, he'd been furious! As if it affected him, personally. “I'm rather surprised at you, Trevor, for being so...forceful just now.”

“I hate it when teachers are bullies,” he growled, not meeting her gaze. “I dealt with my share of it when I was growing up.”

“Oh?” Isaac asked, curious. “You never mentioned that before.”

“I don't like to talk about it. Any more than Hetty wanted to talk about hers. If you must know, when I was a kid I'd developed a stutter. It was bad enough when other kids would make fun of me, but teachers were the worst. A couple make me stand up in front of class and read aloud just so they could mock me, telling me to 'just spit it out already, stop taking all day!' I know what it's like to be treated like an idiot. My parents noticed after a while, that I'd fake being sick a lot just so I wouldn't have to go to school and deal with that all day. They eventually got me a counselor to meet with me. He listened, he let me know it wasn't my fault, that sometimes people are just assholes and it's not fair how they treat people. They got me a speech pathologist, too. Miss Barbara. I got better by the time I was in high school. That's when I started to craft the new me. Confident, suave, all that. Got me where I am today. Ha! In more ways than one.”

Hetty smiled warmly at him, touched by his speech. She took his hands again and gave them a squeeze. “Thank you.” Was she thanking him for his support? His own related story? For ending up with them in their haunted house? A mix of all of them?

Isaac looked silently between the pair, having witnessed such a great unburdening of souls. It almost felt like a cleansing had taken place! And now this unlikely couple knew that they had more in common than they'd ever imagined! He gave a delicate cough and swept from the room in a graceful stride, intent on leaving the two lovebirds to it.

Leaning in close, Hetty whispered urgently. “I changed my mind again.” Her eyes sparkled with excitement as she told him.

Trevor gave her an interested look, rightly interpreting what she was referring to. “I'd hoped you would! I think it'll be good for both of us, to tell you the truth!”

With a naughty grin and a glance out the window at the setting sun, she whispered back, “Now?”

Their afternoon had been admittedly cathartic in many ways, it was no wonder that it had bubbled over to put her in a particular mood! “Okay,” he agreed.

Hetty felt nervous as well as excited as she led Trevor into her bedroom. She couldn't stop flashing him that shy smile before averting her eyes.

“You'd think I'd never done this before. It's all so strange,” she gasped.

“It'll be fine. I'm a bit nervous, too. I haven't felt this out of practice in a while.

Hetty looked unconcerned; she just gave him an encouraging smile, flung a hand in the air, and perkily chirped, “Oh, I'm sure it's just like riding a velocipede.”

Sometimes, Trevor was able to forget what different eras they hailed from, and how much younger he was. Other times, Hetty would dip farther into her “old-timey” speech and remind him. Trevor knew somehow that this signaled that she was feeling her most real self, she wasn't trying to blend in or adapt to current times. It touched him that Hetty would feel so secure, so trusting, to show him that self, even if he had trouble understanding her vocabulary. Trevor gave a dry chuckle and loosened his tie dramatically before slipping it off and tossing it aside. He watched it like a hawk for several seconds to make sure it wasn't going to reappear on him, but it so far behaved itself. He slipped out of his shoes and socks, tucking them under the bed for now. He shrugged out of his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt. Hetty gave a short exclamation of excitement with exaggeratedly raised eyebrows. He removed his t-shirt and threw that aside, too, striking a saucy pose.

Then she began undressing as well. With a soft, crinkly rustle, her aqua dress crumpled to the floor and she stepped out of it. Trevor had to hold down a laugh, because while he stood naked before her, Hetty might as well have been fully dressed, yet she was blushing naughtily at him in her underthings: two ankle-length lace-trimmed petticoats, a chemise, corset, pantalettes, stockings, and her shoes. By ingrained reflex, she crossed her hands over her chest under his stare.

That did make him laugh. “Hetty, I'd need x-ray vision to see through that. Come on, let's get the rest of it off.” He strode up to her to take it all in up close. He'd never seen such meticulously made underthings! Real lace, silk and satin accents, overlaying the finest cotton outside of premium Bed Bath & Beyond sheets! They were just as an important part of her wardrobe as her dress, just as artfully crafted, and they probably cost nearly as much! “Ooo, ribbons! If I'd've known you'd have all these frills and ruffles and bows on your underwear...I like it, it's nice.” Still, Hetty was nearly cringing in embarrassment, perceiving these remarks as criticism. He opened his mouth to try to amend the situation and she just held up a silencing hand.

“T-t-t! Just...don't say anything. At least I died with my small clothes on. Enough to share, too.” She smirked at the thought of lending him her petticoat. He wore it so well and seemed so happy about it! "Speaking of sharing, that's another thing we have in common, isn't it?" Hetty recalled the reason Trevor was forever half-dressed. His unexpected kindness he showed to his office mate shortly before he died.

Still, he felt like a rat for making her even more self-conscious than she already was. He did as he was told, he found he enjoyed having her boss him around. Placing his hands on her waist, he drew her close and kissed her. He slid his hands around to rest on her bottom, giving her a little squeeze. That made her gasp in surprise! Then she froze, breaking the kiss and looking up at the ceiling as she felt his erection press into her.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, I didn't mean to. I can't always help it. I just...you're so...” he struggled to find words to describe how incredibly hot this all was.

“It's all right,” she squeaked, still not looking. “It's just...been an awfully long time and that's never been an issue. I-I mean, here we are, standing and I'm still half-dressed and...ooo, that's never...that's never...”

“Shh,” Trevor soothed, drawing his hands down her shoulders. “It's okay. If you don't want to do this, we don't have to. We can just get dressed and do something else.”

“No, no, it's fine, I want to, it's just...” Hetty trailed off with an alarmed little noise. “Let's get on the bed, please.”

“Well, first I have to get you out of all this,” he reminded her with a coaxing smile. It had the desired effect, she smiled back and drew a deep breath. “Good, good. Nothing to be scared of. I promise I won't hurt you.”

Hetty shook her head, placing a hand on his shoulder. “That's sweet of you to say, but don't promise me that. You don't have to lie to me. It's not my first time doing this.”

“I wasn't trying to imply it was your first time.”

“This will be my...” she paused, counting on her fingers. “Twelfth time. Ooh, is that a lucky number? Seems like it ought to be, don't you think? I'm actually looking forward to this! It is strange, though! I've never wanted to do this before! It's not something I've ever chosen to do.”

“Eleven times,” Trevor repeated disbelievingly. He cringed at her description of events. For a moment, their eyes met and it was as though they could read each other's minds. Hetty nodded shortly, looking suddenly very vulnerable. She knew the word for what Elias had done to her, and Trevor understood, no words were needed or wanted to further this topic. It just gave him one more reason to put his best foot forward. “All right, now I'm committed to this. I, Trevor Lefkowitz, promise you, Hetty Woodstone, my most masterful performance. It's an all-you-can-eat buffet and I take any and all requests. Spare no expense,” he added with a roguish wink. “Any time you want something, tell me. If you like something, I'll do it more. If you aren't digging something, I'll stop. Suggestion box is open. Just don't ask me to sing.” All the while, he was untying, unlacing, and unclasping her underthings. Hetty giggled at this marquee for the evening's entertainment. She stood before him in nothing but her shoes, stockings, and pantalettes. He picked her up, she let out a short, excited squeal, he sat her down on the bed, and took off her shoes and stockings. “Man, everything you have on is so pretty!” he remarked at the satiny sheen of her silver accented boots, and the delicate patterned lace along her stockings. “Fancy Pants and T-Money.”

When he began tugging off her pantalettes, he froze, staring, then looked up at Hetty. Then back down and up between her legs again. “Holy shit, Hetty!”

She'd just been in the process of unpinning and letting down her hair when she froze in alarm. “What? What's wrong? Am I...too unkempt?” She'd seen tastes, ideas, and trends change over the years and one that always struck her as odd was women shaving their body hair. Surely, a modern man like Trevor had only been with these strangely hairless women. What would he think of her?

He stared, momentarily entranced at seeing her hair down for the first time. Her long, red curls shimmered enchantingly around her neck and shoulders. It was quite a striking change from her usual stark updo! She looked a Celtic fire goddess! Trevor quickly realized that Hetty wouldn't appreciate the comparison and opted not to speak his thoughts. Instead, he found his way back to the matter at hand. “What? No. Why would...Oh! Oh. No, that's not it, but...wow.” Hetty raised an eyebrow and cracked half a smile at watching Trevor go through that whole journey in the space of a few seconds. He put a hand on her calf and stroked. Golden-red hairs glinted in the lamplight. It was surprisingly soft. He continued stroking while answering. “Your...your underpants go down to your knees but they're crotchless! You bad girl,” Trevor taunted playfully as he pulled them off the rest of the way. He held them up in awe. “I mean, wow, I have never seen this before. Or that! You are full of surprises, my friend.” He looked back at her face and saw she looked rather baffled. “I guess all this was just normal for you, though. So you probably think I'm weird for being surprised.”

“Are we going to have sex tonight, or not?” Hetty finally asked impatiently, drawing her legs up to her chest protectively, feeling uncomfortably exposed with all of this strange attention. She brushed her hair out of her face with a pout, drawing Trevor's attention again. “Because if we're going to sit here talking about my underthings and grooming habits all night, it's going to get rather chilly.”

Trevor brightened up at that. “Oh, yes, ma'am!” He hopped up on the bed next to her and just reached over and stroked her. He propped himself up on his elbow and simply gazed down at Hetty, his nervousness fading away as he resolved to giving her the best night of her afterlife. He rolled over toward her and kissed her neck, knowing that sent her over the moon!

Hetty lay back limply, grinning widely with her eyes shut in bliss. She felt around for his hands and grabbed him by the wrists, placing his hands on her hips and patting them there. “Good boy,” she whispered. “I like that.”

He stroked his hands down her hips and thighs, unable to keep his pleasurable groans to himself. “Oh, wow,” he whispered as he took all of her in. This would forever change his view of her. Even after all of the talks and kisses, the casual touches and general togetherness that they'd experienced over the past couple of days, this would be a game changer. He could never again imagine her as a china doll in his mother's cabinet that he wasn't allowed to touch. She was a whole woman, she had needs and desires, hopes and fears. That much he'd already accepted about her, to his supreme delight. But this...this moaning, writhing, yearning creature before him was and would always be the same Hetty Woodstone of old. There was no magic switch that changed her, she had been there the whole time.

He kissed down her neck, to her breasts. Hetty let out a sigh and held him there. They shared a dark chuckle as he nuzzled, kissed, and lapped her.

“Oh! Oh, my goodness, what are you doing?!” she laughed, swatting him lightly on the head.

“You like that?”

“I do. I've just...never...”

Trevor lay across the length of her body, folded his hands over her chest, and propped his chin on them. “You know, for someone who's been around forever, you sure have a whole lot of 'nevers',” he pointed out regretfully. “Get rid of your 'nevers' with Trevor,” he added in a humorous growl, getting a soft bop on the head and a tut in return. He drew his hands up her sides, making her squirm while he continued his journey downward.

Unable to stop herself, Hetty shrieked shortly in alarm again! “Oh! What are you doing now?”

“Do you like it?”

“I...really don't know--oh yes! Oh, that's...what...what...?”

Still, he soldiered on, testing her with little love-bites as he massaged her bottom and thighs. He'd been reading up on ways to please a lady and these techniques came guaranteed! Hetty kept breaking his concentration, however, with her demanding questions. The first two times were kind of cute, but being constantly asked what he was doing was starting to kill the mood.

“Please don’t keep asking me what I’m doing. Just let me know if you like it or not. What I’m doing is making love to you. We’ll talk about it later.”

“I’m just interested.”

“Well, I can’t do things like this while narrating, okay?”

“Well, how about a rough description?” Hetty supposed.

“Isn’t this killing the mood for you, too?”

“Oh! Is that what it is, when the heat goes back down and I don’t feel as...urgent anymore?”

“Yes. Now just shush. It’s okay to talk, that can actually help, but think of it more like giving directions.” He started warming them back up, making low noises in his throat…

This time, she waited a few seconds before curiosity got the better of her again. Hetty braced herself, hoping it wouldn't make Trevor upset. “Why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Making that noise. Does it help?”

“It’s supposed to. Now please!”

“Sorry, just curious. There’s a lot more to it with you. Pageantry.” She smiled admiringly down in his direction.

“Right. I’m trying to do my best here.”

“All right, carry on.”

He tried to focus once again and then gave up. “I can’t now. The mood’s dead.”

“Well, so are we, but we don't let that stop us.”

“I mean it. Sorry about this, but--”

“But??” Hetty objected, pushing herself up to sit and scowl at him. “Now wait just a moment! What happened to your promised buffet? Spare no expense? Are you reneging on your offer, you feckless utracrepidarian?”

Trevor blinked, feeling a nudge of arousal return. “I’m a what?”

“At least Elias never promised me the stars before underwhelming me. And I never dared ask him questions. Oh, no. I just let him get on with it, or he'd tell me what an ungrateful wife I was.”

Those were the magic words! His pride and honor were at stake! “Oh, that’s it! I’ll show you who’s a feckless ultra…something. Tell me…tell me you want to speak to my manager.”

Hetty flinched, thrown off by his sudden, strange request. “I…wish to speak to your manager?” She repeated obediently, but looking and sounding utterly mystified.

“Now say it like you mean it! Pretend that I’m a disobedient footman, and you’re gonna report me.” Hetty gave him her most confounded look, reminding Trevor that she'd never done any role play in the bedroom! He attempted to explain. “Come on, it’s called dirty talk. You’re the lady of the house and I’m your feckless footman in need of discipline! You know, scold me!”

Looking not at all sure how this could aid in their endeavors, Hetty nonetheless complied. “Very well. You’re slovenly, shoddy, and shall be turned out without a reference!”

“The manager, don’t forget the manager,” Trevor reminded her.

“I AM your manager, you addlepated pipsqueak!” She sounded like she was getting into the spirit of it, novel experience though it may be!

“Oh, god, that’s hot! Now no more questions. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Just tell me what to do, or throw some of your fancy old words at me.”

Hetty shook her head in wonderment as she lay back down. “You're a very strange person, Trevor.”

“But I'm cute, right?” Trevor grinned rakishly.

“Good thing, you wittering blunderbuss.”

This had sufficiently gotten Trevor back in the mood. He moaned and growled into her nethers before taking long, luscious licks to her center. Hetty gasped, grabbing at his shoulder, but stopping herself from asking what he was doing. Instead, she let out a shuddering sigh of pleasure, cautiously, as if she was afraid of waking someone.

“Oh my...oh! That's...!” Hetty also resolved not to remind him that she'd never felt that before. He knew. He was intimately aware of so many of her 'nevers'. It felt warm and wet and tingly down there, these sensations were all so pleasantly new! It felt like something opening, something beginning! She knew then why Alberta had mentioned videos of flowers blooming when talking about newly-kindled desire. Trevor had his whole face pressed up between her legs now! Convulsively, Hetty clamped her thighs around his head, working her hips toward him all the while. She squeezed him softly until she heard his muffled voice accompany his tender ministrations. She quickly let go of him, hoping it hadn't harmed him!

“Oh, Trevor, I'm so sorry!”

He peeked up, wide-eyed in amazement. He wiped his face and let out a high laugh. “That! That was amazing! Do it again!”

“What?!”

“Mmm, yeah, put me in the stocks!”

Hetty looked puzzled, “The stocks?” she tutted, “What year do you think I'm from? We didn't have the stocks back then!”

“Put me in your stocks,” Trevor begged, kissing those precious, imprisoning thighs, stroking his hands against her fuzz.

“I thought I was smothering you!”

“If I could choose all over again, that would be the way I'd die!” Then, he remembered the more important question. “Did you like it?”

“Y-yes. It was...rather good, actually. Strange, but...” Hetty trailed off with a pleased little giggle.

“Good. I liked it, too. Shall we? Now, I'm gonna pretend to struggle, but don't let me up until I give you a pinch. Here goes!”

Hetty shrieked a laugh as he eagerly resumed his position. She clutched him again, rubbing herself into his face. Just as he said, he feigned an attempt to get free, but she held on. All those years of horseback riding as a young girl paid off, and she could still keep her seat! This felt fantastic! This felt wonderful! It was like having someone finally scratch an itch that she couldn't reach.

A few minutes later, after feeling a long, gradual build-up, as if something inside her was being wound tighter and tighter, she suddenly released him. “Trevor! Help! What's happen--” and the rest of her question was drowned in a piercing banshee-like shriek! Had she been alive, it might have shattered glass! Trevor slipped his fingers in and continued stroking while he crept back up along her. “Oh, help!”

“You're almost there,” he murmured encouragingly into her ear, kissing her neck again. He dextrously flicked back and forth, in and out, until her eyes and mouth opened wide in amazement. Hetty grasped emptily at the covers before grabbing him by his warm and solid shoulder, compelled to thrust against him in time with his strokes.

“Help...” she whimpered, then shrieked again without knowing why. It had built up inside her this whole time and it was coming out! “Trevor, please, I don't...” and she collapsed again with a long, low groan. She drew deep breath after deep breath, letting each one out in an identical groan.

Trevor felt on top of the world! He'd just made Hetty cum harder than he ever would have imagined! He leaned over her with an admittedly smug smile, which faded instantly when he heard her sobs. “Oh, shit, what'd I do?”

“Please...help me. What was that? Why didn't you tell me?” Hetty gasped as she gave over to tears. “Trevor?! Are you still there? Oh god, did I send you to Hell? Oh, that was powerful!”

“Oh, no, no, no, I'm still here! I'm here, Hetty, I'm right here.” He lay next to her and drew her shivering form into his arms. He was thankfully able to reach his discarded suit coat from where he'd tossed it earlier and wrapped it around her shoulders. “It's okay, it's okay. Did I hurt you?”

Hetty buried her face in his chest and shook her head. Slowly, she calmed as she came back down from her crest. She could still feel a curious, pleasant pulsing in her nethers, throbbing within her as she attempted to calm down. “What happened to me? Did I...do anything? Did I make something happen?”

Trevor clutched her tighter, stroking her back. She thought it was a ghost power! Of course...

“I'm sorry...I'm sorry for screaming like that...I don't know what came over me. It was so...much! It was like a huge ball of light bursting out of me!” Hetty looked up, tears vanishing from her face as she spoke. Still, she wiped her eyes and cheeks to make sure. She looked utterly bewildered.

“That was an orgasm. And it must've been a big one!”

“Women can have orgasms? Why didn't you tell me? That's why I asked so many questions!”

With a groan of self-disgust, Trevor inwardly berated himself. Of course she'd have a million questions, and he shut them all down! The poor thing. “I'm sorry. I should have listened, I should have told you. Should've warned you. Look, your legs are gonna feel kind of funny for a bit, so don't go anywhere or they might not hold you. Just stay right here, okay? I got you, Hetty-cat.” He nuzzled cozily into her neck, making her let out a content purr.

“What's wrong with my legs?” This added another mystery to an already bewildering experience!

“They're just taking a breather, that's all. What you just had...was one helluva climax! And here's the best part: a lot of ladies can have as many as they want in one night!”

“I must say, that was quite...stimulating to say the least! Did you get one, too?”

“Nah. I enjoyed getting you over the edge, though! That was reward enough!” They lay together, both feeling a bit tired from their first round. “You okay? Better now?”

“Mmm,” Hetty nodded with one last sniffle. “Thank you. That was...that was marvelous. It was just such a surprise! Shocking! Hold me,” she sighed, pressing into him. Trevor obediently put his arms around her and cuddled her in.

“Are you saying the Earth moved for you?” Trevor asked teasingly, just enjoying holding her for now. Holding her...if someone had told him a week ago that he'd be cradling a perfectly sated Hetty in his arms and feeling pretty damn pleased about it, he would've said they'd been Flowered. He brushed his fingers against her cheek and she nearly started crying again, pressing into it for more. “Are you going to tell me what this really means to you? You told me earlier that it 'feels like I like you'. It's more than that, though, isn't it?”

“You'll laugh, it's silly. And it's not true, so...” she trailed off self-consciously.

“I doubt it's silly, and if I do laugh, it won't be unkindly.”

Hetty thought about it and then shyly confessed, “It...makes me think, it makes me...feel like...I might be...” she whispered, “precious to you.” She immediately flushed in embarrassment, hiding her face in his chest again.

He felt her light, shivering breaths against him while he soaked that in. After a moment, she bravely peeked out at him again, awaiting his ridicule. “Precious...Oh...” he suspired, cupping her cheeks in his hands and nuzzling their noses together before giving her a kiss.

With a sharp, gasping sob, Hetty grasped at him fiercely. She gazed, starry-eyed with a trembling lip. She looked like she might cry again.

“Shhh,” he shushed. “I never would have expected it, but you've become precious to me.”

“Oh! Really? Or...is that one of those words of ours that means something different? You care for me? Am I...yours?”

Trevor smiled, “I care for you. I can't say you're mine, though. You're yours. Better get used to that idea.” He traced Hetty's bottom lip, down to her chin, making her melt. She gave a long, shuddering moan before laying kisses on his neck and chest.

“I've really enjoyed all of this, even when it's been overwhelming. I've grown strangely fond of you,” Hetty confessed huskily, touching his face in return, as if it would mean as much to him as it did to her.

It might not have, but Trevor appreciated it all the same. He put a hand over hers and patted it. “All right, are you ready for more?”

Hetty's eyes grew wide, her dreamy mood poofing away. “More?”

“Oh, yeah...”

A few doors down, Jay was jolted out of a deep sleep to the sound of rhythmic pounding. He looked over and saw that Sam was wide awake and looking speechlessly annoyed.

“What the hell's that?” he asked blearily.

“Trevor,” she answered shortly.

“Really? Sounds like a headboard--” and he cut himself off, clapping a hand over his mouth. Then, he looked over at his wife and considered her gift/curse. “Oh, don't tell me!”

“You're lucky you didn't hear Hetty earlier.”

“Round two, fight!” Jay boomed, imitating a video game announcer. Sam nodded, still staring unseeing in front of her. “Aw, babe, I'm sorry. But on the other hand: get it, girl!” It was nice to know that his repressed roommate was finally getting her back scratched.

“I don't want to put an end to their fun, god knows Hetty's especially waited an awfully long time. She deserves a good fling.”

“Yeah, but other people in this house are trying to sleep!”

“I don't mind the thumping as much, but I'd appreciate it if I didn't have to hear any more high notes,” Sam groused.

Jay lay back down and pulled her close. “How about I get you to hit some high notes?”

Sam shook her head with a grimace. “I'm not in the mood.”

“Yeah, I'm tired, too,” Jay admitted with a yawn. “Good night, Sam.”

Down the hallway, Sam heard Hetty command, “Harder! Bring the fortitude, you young jack-sauce!”

She heard guttural groaning from both of them, making her shove her head under her pillow with gritted teeth.

“I...I do believe I'm nearly...” and for the second time that night, and for the second time in her life, Hetty went blissfully and loudly over the edge.

There was a moment of relative silence. Sam whispered to herself, “Please be done, please be done. Just call it a night. No round three, no tiebreaker, just sleep!”

They lay there afterward, basking contentedly in their afterglow. Then, Hetty tittered naughtily, contemplating her multiple orgasms. “W...was all of that inside me this whole time? Or did you put it there?” She let out an involuntary groan, drawing her hands down herself before cuddling up to her lover once more. By now, Trevor had learned a lot about the way she liked to be touched and was only all too happy to comply.

“That was all you. I just kind of helped let it out,” he replied, feeling quite proud of that fact, as well as happy for her.

She smiled dreamily with a lilting sigh. “Mmm...Trevor? Can we do this again sometime?” She laughed, nudging him as if she'd made a particularly good joke. “Now that's a strange thing for me to say!”

“Sure. Why not? I never realized how sexy getting through layers of petticoats and stuff could be.” They both broke into naughty giggling. “It was like unwrapping a fancy birthday present from a rich aunt.”

“You'd be the first to call it that. Most people consider it a bother, prefer that their wives are undressed ahead of time.” Then, Hetty realized aloud, “My mother lied to me.”

“What? Did she tell you women don’t get orgasms, when you just had four in a row?” Trevor gave a growl and grabbed playfully at her tummy, flicking his tongue playfully across her belly button. Even after a night of lovemaking, it surprised him how normal it felt to be this comfortably intimate with her, and how much she liked it!

Hetty squirmed and giggled, feigning a struggle. “Well, that, too. She never told me it didn’t have to hurt. She told me it was normal, that it was supposed to. Thank you. I'm...sorry for doubting you.”

That killed Trevor's playful mood; he stopped his mock roughhousing. He flopped back on his pillow with a groan. “Ugh! Why did you have to go and say a thing like that?! Damn your mother, your father, your asshole husband, and everyone else who convinced you that any of their bullshit was ‘normal’!” He exhaled slowly, trying not to get too worked up on Hetty's behalf about people who were long dead and gone.

“Well, thank you all the same. It was mmm...wonderful,” Hetty groaned deliciously, writhing against him, ready for more. It was just like he said, when she found something that she liked, she went in all the way!

Trevor pulled her close, giving her an indulging smile and a kiss. “You know, I’ve never gone to bed with someone your age before.” He gave her love-bites all the way down her neck to her breasts, making his own pleasurable noises. Hetty was frankly surprised that he enjoyed it as much as she did!

Holding his head to her breast, she chuckled darkly, “Well, I am 180 years old.”

He gave a muffled laugh, running teasing fingers down her sides. “I mean how old you were when you died, silly!”

“And what do you think?”

He gave noisy, sloppy kisses all the way down from her tummy to her nethers, cramming his head between her thighs again with ecstatic moans. He popped his head up a minute later and wiped his face. “You are a perfectly ripe peach, warmed by August sunshine. Fragrant, soft, and bursting.” To emphasize this, he drew his hands down her peach-fuzz legs. He'd never been with anyone “natural” before, either. Trevor hadn't known what to expect but he found he liked it. Hetty's body hair wasn't coarse or unsightly, as he'd been taught all his life. It was her, and she was naturally sunset golden-red all over.

“A peach?” she asked incredulously, not familiar with food-to-sex metaphors.

“Mm-hmm, with cream and cinnamon.”

Hetty let out a soft moan as he resumed his activities. She stroked his hair and clenched him there for a minute before letting him go. Knowing that they both enjoyed it when his head was trapped between her thighs was quite the eye-opener, and one that she would use to their mutual advantage at every opportunity henceforth.

He popped up with a grin and gave her a very wet, salty kiss. “Or maybe you're a grand old oak tree, and I'm hunting for truffles along your roots.” And back down he went.

After their third round, the last one being much quieter, both Hetty and Trevor found themselves drifting off. He pulled her up against him in a spooning position, yet another novelty for her!

“You've been such a good husband,” she sighed dreamily, then she caught herself! “Uh, suitor, boyfriend! Damn my female brain!”

Trevor gave her a little squeeze. “Stop saying that! That’s my friend you’re talking about. We've been over this. There’s nothing wrong with your brain.” He gave her a kiss behind her ear. “You have a good brain. You’re smart, you’re funny, sometimes you’re even nice, you're trying to learn to be a better person. You’re sweet and gentle and kind. You can totally kick ass, and at the end of the day you just want to be treated well. But don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

Hetty drank in this litany of praise. She'd certainly never had those qualities pointed out to her before! Then, worry struck. “Is this pretend?”

“What? No! This? Alone, in your room, in your bed?!”

“In your arms,” she added dreamily, cuddling into him all the more.

“Why would I be pretending now?!”

“I don’t know. I’d hoped you weren’t. That was…lovely. No one’s ever…of course, you know that.”

“Get some sleep. See you in the morning.”

They were both quiet for a moment. Then-- “Trevor?” Hetty yawned.

“Hmm?”

“I would, you know. I'd marry you if you asked. If you wanted. Really. I'd be yours forever and ever and ever. You've...you've been wonderful.” Her voice wandered up and down musically, dreamily, as if she was pondering continuing what they had indefinitely, and the idea was a pleasing one.

Trevor lay there, shocked. He didn't know how to reply to that, so he stayed quiet and hoped she'd think he'd fallen asleep. He could just feel her trembling in his arms, and he could only guess what this sort of honesty was costing her.

Still, she continued, “I wasn't raised on all that true love nonsense. I honestly don't even know if it's a real thing or just a story that people tell themselves. It certainly was never billed as a necessary cornerstone to a marriage. Obviously. All I ever hoped for growing up was getting married to someone I could stand! And I didn't even get that! So, it seems sensible, doesn't it? You and I? Not necessarily a joining of hearts, but at least a joining of hands.” She illustrated this by placing her hands over his around her waist. “We'd be good to each other. I'm not saying we have to...I never thought of getting married again, but I think...I think I shouldn't mind it so very much. You've already been...such a good husband.”

Trevor listened to Hetty unburden her soul for him. She'd spoken no words of love, except to dismiss it altogether, but of practicality. It was true, they were fond of each other, friendly to each other now, and he knew how to make her toes curl. It must have seemed like such a precious gift. Of course the night they just spent together would make her head spin. He hoped that her matrimonial notions wouldn't survive the light of day. Trevor exhaled and thought about their differing attitudes towards marriage. All Hetty wanted was someone who wasn't horrible, but he couldn't marry someone he didn't love, and that he knew didn't love him. As fond as they were of each other, neither would label it love. It was nice, cozy, but it was still missing some crucial element. He'd given her all she'd ever hoped for and more, but he didn't want to just be "close enough". He wanted her to have the real thing, and maybe have it himself someday, too.

Hetty finished her train of thought, guessing by Trevor's silence what his answer was. She knew how different they were, that whatever cahoots they were currently in, it couldn't last more than a week or so. She patted his hands that were clasped around her middle and said, “I understand,” and settled in to sleep.

Chapter 8: Morning After

Chapter Summary: After spending their first night together, Hetty and Trevor work through what this all means for them.

Close to dawn, Trevor was awoken by the sound of Hetty crying next to him. Her whole self shook with her suppressed sobs! She just lay there, flat on her back, weeping openly without any attempt to stem the flow.

“Hey...hey, what's wrong?”

She sniffled sharply. “N-nothing. It's nothing. I'm all right.”

Trevor drew her close once again, eliciting a soft, pleasurable sound from his friend. “Come on, you can tell me. Why are you crying?”

“I...was just thinking.” She gulped, now facing him. “Why couldn't he have been nice like that? You knew how to...not hurt me. Why couldn't he?! He doubtless had better skill with the maid! Why wasn't I enough? Why couldn't--” she cut herself off, having an attack of piercing hiccups. “I tried, I tried so hard! And he...barely even thought of me. I wasn't even a person to him. I hated him! And...oh, I'm so glad he's gone!” All these years, she'd carried that with her, that pain, the injustice of it all. Being shown how different it could have been made her feel it all the more keenly. It might have been better, it should have been better! It didn't have to be like that!

“Me, too, Hetty. Me, too. He did that because he was a horrible human being who didn't give a damn who he hurt.” He grunted a frustrated noise of distilled anger, “I hate that he hurt you. In all the ways that he did. Hell's too good for him, and we don't even believe in Hell!” He hugged her tightly, still feeling as though he didn't deserve to be the one to comfort her like this, to hear her sorrows. His cuddles seemed to do the trick well enough, though. They brought her out of her painful past, reminded her of the comfort and safety she had now. She was among friends, people who cared about her.

“We?” Hetty inquired curiously. “You said 'we don't even believe in Hell.' Who's 'we'?”

“There isn't really what you would call Heaven or Hell in Judaism,” Trevor explained shortly.

“Oh. Well, then, what makes you have to be good?”

Trevor gave a dry chuckle at that, he'd been asked that more than once. “Well, it's better to be good than bad, isn't it?”

Hetty considered this, then looked back at her own life with a worried grimace. “Oh. I'm afraid you have a point. What would your family think of you being here, like this, then?”

“I hope they never find out. Mom especially would be upset. She wouldn't like it at all.”

“You don't have ghosts, either?”

Trevor didn't like this line of questioning, he didn't want to think of all of this. They were now dealing with metaphysical technicalities he still didn't understand and probably never would. Instead of answering, he leered at her teasingly, “Well, I have one ghost! And she's right here!” He bent in and kissed her neck. That was enough to stop her questions and cheer her up the rest of the way! He seemed to be getting ready for more when the rising sun worked its magic on them, dressing them once again in the clothes they died in. They both grumbled to themselves, but Trevor wasn't so easily deterred! He burrowed into Hetty's skirts and found his way up her crotchless pantalettes. From underneath layers of silk and muslin, Hetty heard him utter, “Oh, yeah, this is hot!” She giggled and squirmed. Being unable to see him added an element of surprise to his attention! This was more playful than earnest lovemaking, and they finished before either of them even properly finished. It was a perfect “good morning” tumble to wake them up rather than drift them off to sleep. Hetty lay there lazily, contentedly, staring at Trevor, her expression deeply fond. She let out a soft sigh and brushed the back of her hand against his cheek. This startled him! That look she was giving him, as if she stared straight into his soul...

Trevor sat up sharply, scooting away from her on the bed. “Whoa! No! No, no no, uh-uh! Don't...don't look at me like that, d'you hear me?!” Hetty wilted back, crushed! They'd had such tenderness just a moment ago! Why was he rejecting her now?

Trevor instantly regretted it, he scrunched up his face in frustration with himself and groaned. “No, it's fine, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I just...I just can't stand to have you look at me like that. I don't deserve it. Trust me. I'm okay, I know, I'm better than what you had. But I'm not that great. And you're looking at me like I'm...” He trailed off, not even knowing the words for what he was thinking. It was how she looked at him the first time they kissed, like he'd swept her right off her feet! Like he was Mr. Terrific. He hadn't even done anything to have earned that look! “Listen, we're two people who've only recently made friends, who, um, happen to be attracted to each other. Friends, all right?” Hetty just looked at him, pouting. “You and I wouldn't really work as a real couple. You know that. Just think of this as practice for who you really have your eye on.”

“There aren't many of us, you know,” she reminded him, recovering herself. It had been such an awful surprise after their playfulness a moment ago. She was still experiencing whiplash from it!

“I know. I also know there's somebody here who thinks the world of you. Someone I've caught you gazing at, smiling at...looking at the way I just told you not to look at me. And I'm going to help you, all right? You can get all of this business out of your system, settle down a bit so you don't come off as too needy. This is going to get you satisfied and raise your confidence. You get that, right?”

Hetty clearly still didn't understand, or didn't want to. She was enjoying their time together too much to ponder anything else. She cautiously reached out to him again, as if expecting to be bitten or burned, bracing for the sting of rejection once more. Instead, Trevor took her hand and drew her back to him. What else could he have done? She looked like she was about to cry again. He squeezed it between his two hands, stroking her delicate fingers.

“It's all right,” he assured her softly. “We're all right. And yeah, we can do this again sometime. I'd like that.”

“You really mean it?”

“I really do.”

They were quiet for a moment, just letting everything from the past few minutes sink in. Then, noticing a curious expression on Trevor's face, Hetty felt she had to ask. “What now?”

“Oh! Um, you'll think it's silly,” Trevor dilly-dallied. “I was just thinking how different you sound when you're dressed versus undressed.”

“I do?” But now that he'd pointed it out to her, she heard it, too! The pitch of her voice, her breathing—or the illusion of such—everything that was more-or-less normal about her speech patterns had changed dramatically once she was free from all of her layers. She'd forgotten entirely, having not gotten undressed in over a century. While she was undressed, she'd felt much less “regulated” in her speech, her voice didn't wander up and down the scale as much, it was all so odd to think that her clothes affected her in this way! But yes, the effect had shown up immediately after her dress and everything reappeared on her body. She drew her hands down her sides, feeling where things were gathered in by her corset. It definitely appeared to affect more than her figure and her posture!

“I think maybe the same thing that hoists you all up and in changes the way you sound,” Trevor suggested, drawing a hand along her bodice. “I like it. I like both, actually.”

“Oh, do you, now?” she coyly challenged, getting the gist of his suggestive speech.

“Well, I like how you normally sound because it's, well, how you normally sound. It's you. But I see the appeal of you...unfettered.”

She tried to sound affronted by Trevor's bold lewdness, but didn't quite manage it. Still, she shook her head disapprovingly at him before breaking into a small smile. Then, they just went back to lying together for a minute, not seeing the need to say anything. Outside, birds had begun their morning chorus, there were sounds of life—or at least afterlife—heard from nearby rooms and farther away downstairs. It was time to get up.

Trevor sat up and stretched with a habitual groan. “So...ready to do this thing?”

Hetty stood up first, aired out her skirts and gazed down at him with a warm smile. Gone was her sentimental introspection from last night, and her pool of self-pity from the early morning. Even her startled confusion had ebbed away. They were still on even footing, despite a few wobbles along the way. Words still felt blissfully unnecessary and she simply let out an excited squeak before scurrying downstairs.

That morning, everyone in the house slept late. When they all woke up and congregated on the main floor, everyone turned to stare at Hetty as she joined them.

“Wow, she's still walking funny,” Sasappis observed to a mortified Pete.

“Who'da guessed, Hetty's got an A like Marni Nixon. Wish I could hit those high notes,” Alberta added. “Hope they can learn to keep it under wraps, though. I need my beauty sleep.”

Isaac gave Hetty a significant look, which she returned with a pert smirk and toss of her head. For all he gave them his permission to court, he wasn't her father. She didn't need him to approve of her behavior! Strangely enough, Isaac didn't seem at all shocked by her show of defiance! He almost looked as though he approved, or was at least amused by it!

After steadily meeting everyone else's gaze, Hetty was only embarrassed for a minute, then she simply flounced smugly across the room. Trevor came down soon after and got much more bawdy reactions. Remarks on the thumping headboard being the most prominent. He hammed it up and strutted as well, flashing his T as if he'd just won a major award.

Thorfinn banged Trevor triumphantly on the back. “Well done! You no make her make seal sounds, more like fox or seagull! You please her much, I think.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I did,” Trevor replied awkwardly. He'd really rather not have this kind of “manly” conversation in front of Hetty. It made him sound too much like his stereotypical frat boy persona. He was ready to cast some of that childish behavior aside, in an effort to work on himself. He wasn't the only one with similar goals. After watching Elias go down on them, several of the ghosts had voiced a desire for self-improvement.

“And if I were a bell, I'd go ding-dong-ding-dong-ding ,” Flower sang at them as she wandered through.

Hetty looked after her, confused, Trevor rolled his eyes and the unexpected musical aficionado.

Sam nearly drowned, having just taken a sip of coffee before having to fight down the urge to laugh. “Freddie Eynsford-Hill and Sergeant Sarah Brown. Just perfect. You lovesick dorks.” She'd been in theater in high school, only having gotten background roles, but it was still enough to give her a good foundation.

Having Samantha apparently in on the joke as well made Hetty feel the need to approach her about it. “What on Earth do you mean?”

“Oh, they're characters from different musicals. Here, let me show you. Flower was saying the other day that this one's Trevor...” she got on her laptop and found the “On the Street Where You Live” clip from My Fair Lady. The two of them watched it together and exchanged “aww”s. Then, her next search... “And she says this one is you.” She queued up the song “If I Were a Bell” from Guys and Dolls.

Knowing she should be indignant about such a radical portrayal, but not quite able to scrounge up enough disapproval, Hetty had to silently agree to the parallels. Still, she tutted loudly and folded her arms, as if not at all amused by the comparison when just last night she'd nearly been singing the same song.

Sam looked up over her coffee cup. “Gonna be hearing a 'political question' any time soon, pal?” she asked pointedly at Trevor with a wink. He blanched and visibly backed away.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh-uh. Don't do that to me!”

Sam just smirked smugly at him with raised eyebrows and a mock kissy-face. For all the times that he'd pestered her since she and Jay moved in, it was fun to get a little payback.

Later that afternoon, Trevor approached Hetty, making sure they were alone. “Look...we have to put a lid on this. It's getting out of hand.”

“I agree,” she replied, looking relieved that he'd broached the subject. “Last night was...wonderful, but I know I lost my head.”

“That's fine; perfectly understandable. That was kind of what I was going for, to be honest. I wanted to give you a good experience to take away from all this. But yeah. Time to cool it.”

Hetty folded her arms, looking stern, glad that she wasn't completely helpless to his charm after a few days of acting like lovers. “Good. So, we'll be laying down some ground rules, I assume?”

“Yeah. No more kissing on the mouth--”

“Or neck,” she added, knowing her own weakness for that treatment.

“--at least when nobody's watching.”

“No more sex. Once was...nice, but we don't need to...hmm...” Hetty trailed off thoughtfully, remembering his promise that they could do it again if they wanted. She'd actually been looking forward to doing it again. Sooner than later, preferably! But no, it wouldn't do to indulge...

“Okay. If that's what you want. I won't call you my Hetty-Cat when other people aren't in earshot. Just for show.”

“I suppose I ought to stop lending you my petticoat,” Hetty guessed, still looking pityingly at his half-dressed state. It had snapped back to her that morning and she hadn't thought to give it back to him yet. Knowing she could help him made that decision difficult. He'd been enjoying it so much! “So, what, we just treat each other like we've always done when we're not on display. Is that right?” Despite her no-nonsense tone and her seemingly unaffected façade, Hetty had regrets about losing these enjoyable benefits to their charade.

“Fine. Totally fine. Shake on it?” Trevor asked, holding a hand out. Hetty put her hand in his, palm down, a coy smile on her face. He obligingly kissed the back of it, and again, making pleasurable mmm-ing sounds. Then, he drew her close, wrapping her up in his arms as he lay kisses along her neck, groaning softly while she let out encouraging little noises, clinging back to him. They looked heatedly at each other. It had been less than thirty seconds and they'd thrown their new rules right out the window! Trevor gritted his teeth, straining in concentration, and shut the library door. They promptly fell back in to each other's arms: kissing, grabbing, squeezing, moaning...

“Oh, god, what's gotten into me?” Hetty gasped as she finally forced herself away, practically glowing. She'd never known it could be like this! To feel this desire, and to be able to act on it! She'd always been taught that such thoughts, such behavior, were unseemly! Fit only for the dregs of society who simply didn't know any better. To find herself driven into this man's arms had been as baffling as it was exciting! She was getting used to such indulgences, though, and she wanted more!

“I don't know. I never would've seen this coming,” Trevor agreed, bursting into nervous giggles as he held her lightly at arm's length, simply taking her all in. How had she escaped his notice for twenty years? She was lovely! “How...how do you feel?”

“Absolutely bang up the elephant, my dear,” she tittered, adjusting her skirts and giving him one of her petticoats again. As he slipped it on, she made a show of straightening his tie and fluffing her fingers through his hair.

Trevor froze, staring pensively. He'd seen his mother do the same thing to his father numerous times. One of those unconscious, comfortably intimate gestures that people shared. He wondered if she'd ever done something similar for her husband. She may have tried to, at first, in an attempt to be a good wife, to cultivate a relationship with him, but after being rebuffed she would have given up quickly. Trevor shook himself out of those thoughts. “Not gonna ask what that means,” he replied shortly Her old-timey gibberish was cute, if indecipherable, but at least she seemed happy about it, and that was what mattered to him.

Hetty's face fell at Trevor's thoughtful expression. Had she overstepped? Was he angry? She took a few shallow breaths before automatically lowering her eyes, nearly bowing her head, clasping her hands nervously in front of her as she stepped contritely away.

It took Trevor two seconds to realize what she was doing. It was like seeing someone flinch, expecting to be struck! That must've been drilled into her by Elias, possibly reinforced by her parents as well. She was treating him like a man. “Oh, no, Hetty, don't! It's all right. It's fine. I didn't mind that, I thought it was sweet. I just...was thinking, that's all.” Hetty looked back up cautiously, shaking herself out of that ingrained trauma response. She actually looked ashamed of herself for falling back into those patterns. Still, Trevor sought to soothe her. “It's okay. You all right?”

She nodded, her mouth set tightly. “I'm being so silly,” she uttered in a breathy quaver. Then, she quickly pulled herself together. “It's been quite the warmed-up while, as Samantha would say, since I last did that.”

“I think you mean a hot minute.”

Hetty scrunched her face, looking up in thought. “I mean, if you like. I thought mine sounded better. Alliterative!” Then their eyes met and Trevor realized that she was teasing him.

“You're right, you are silly,” he laughed, taking her hand. “Come on, we're wasting golden opportunities in front of our friends, hiding in here all day.”

Chapter 9: Sharing is Caring

Chapter Summary: Hetty and Trevor display a new skill for their friends. Flower shares her wisdom with Hetty regarding relationships. Demonstrations, truths and other things are shared.
Notes: Content/trigger warning for drug use near the end of the chapter. Don't do drugs, kids!

Some of the rest of the ghosts had congregated in their usual parlor, chatting amiably. Thorfinn and Sasappis were off watching tv together, Flower was spinning around outside, trying to get rained on, but Pete, Alberta, and Isaac were all milling around together. They all looked up when Hetty and Trevor joined them and immediately made a point to stand across the room from each other, evil grins on their faces. Their observers exchanged looks as well, wondering what was afoot.

Hetty fidgeted with her skirt, drawing everyone's attention to it, which made them all immediately look over at Trevor. Sure enough, he was wearing her extra petticoat again! When he first started wearing it, everyone had assumed it was a joke, or a some sort of conquest trophy, but he seemed to actually enjoy wearing it! It seemed quite an improvement for him, unorthodox of a garment as it might be. It had given him back a shred of his dignity, and it still thoroughly touched him.

Trevor wondered briefly if Hetty would continue to share it with him after they inevitably break up. Better not get too used to it, less chance of being disappointed when it was gone. Still, even if it was just temporary, it made a nice change. And there was something sexy about wearing something that had been so close to her, hugging those legs!

Hetty made a show of looking around the room, and held her hand, fingers slightly parted, over her face. Trevor tittered and Isaac stared.

Trevor cleared his throat, loosening up his shoulders and hopping in place, windmilling his arms in preparation...then mimed that he was holding a huge handful of playing cards, and scrutinizing his hand. Hetty giggled, then tapped her hand to her right cheek, then copied Trevor's gesture.

Everyone else was staring at them in rapt attention with absolutely befuddled expressions! It appeared that they were signaling each other in some sort of code, something to do with their hands, but it wasn't sign language.

Only Isaac recognized it for what it was. “Oh, gadzooks! Why in the blazes did you teach Trevor fan language?”

Hetty grinned innocently, “It sounded like fun. Besides, Alberta, Samantha, and Jay all recommended we share an interest or learn a new skill together. Trevor taught me how to make pictures out of punctuation marks! Isn't that cunning?”

“Charming. Now, I'll thank you for abstaining from flirting with each other in this hand-waving...gibberish!”

“It's not gibberish if someone else understands you,” Trevor pointed out, getting an impressed look from Hetty! That was precisely what she had said regarding her and Isaac's old-fashioned dialects bubbling to the surface in times of great excitement.

“Do you know fan language, Isaac?” Hetty asked him directly. “Or are you just faffing around because you want to catch us in a compromising position? I'll remind you, you gave us your permission to court!”

He blustered a little. “I never learned fan language, confound it, I'm a man!”

“Well, who do you think we're signaling like this?” she shot back with a deriding laugh. It had been something she'd learned in etiquette lessons, how to flirt from across a crowded dance floor. Of course, Hetty had never had a good opportunity to use it until now.

Trevor joined right in. “I'm a man, and I learned it! It's fun! I always loved codes and stuff, ever since I was a kid. I had one of those decoder bracelets I'd write secret messages with. Only trouble is, nobody else had one and besides, nobody wanted to play with me when I was a kid so...” he trailed off with a grimace, looking betrayed by his own memories.

Alberta shook her head and walked off. “This stuff's too fancy for me. These people are just being silly!” Pete nodded in agreement, following her out. Still, Alberta looked back at them over her shoulder with a wink and a thumbs-up. That was one way to take her advice and still be able to rile up Isaac! That was always worth looking silly for!

“Trevor...” Hetty sighed sympathetically, then repeated the “examining playing cards” gesture at him. She turned to Isaac. “That means 'I like you'...and I like you, too,” she added, batting Isaac's shoulder with an imaginary fan. “So, if you never learned fan language, how did you know what we were doing?”

Isaac groused, “I took a wild guess. I suppose it's harmless enough, although it is rather a niche interest.” Trevor cleared his throat for Hetty's attention, then mimed snapping a fan shut emphatically (I'm jealous) with a teasing grin.

She rolled her eyes at him before continuing speaking to Isaac. “Especially since neither of us had the decency to die with a fan in hand. It's bad enough I died without my hat on.”

“Oh, don't start on that again,” Isaac groaned, heading her off. That had evidently been a sore spot for her in her early days of being dead, and this ridiculous conversation had somehow reminded her of it. Of all the things to be upset about!.

“Yeah, there's worse things you could've died without,” Trevor reminded her.

She nodded, unable to argue that. Even if he had a perfectly good, one might say heroic, reason for dying without his pants on, it would still be awfully inconvenient and embarrassing.“That's definitely true. Now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I need a moment to clear my head. It's been quite an eventful day already.” And with that, she stalked through the room and passed through the wall to go outside.

Flower came back up to the house, having regained a moment of lucidity and found Hetty out on the balcony. Hetty gasped guiltily and stared back at her. “Oh! Flower, you startled me!”

“Whatcha doing out here?”

“Just...getting some air. It was getting rather warm in there.”

“Ooo, yeah! I bet it was!” Flower snickered suggestively. Hetty rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Still, undeterred, Flower continued. “I mean, even if you and Trevor aren't really dating--”

“What?! How-how-how could you tell—I mean, what makes you say that?” Hetty stammered nervously, wide-eyed. She thought they'd been so convincing! What had they done wrong? How was it that Flower of all people was able to tell it was all a hoax?

“I can tell. Like I said to Trevor, it's all over your auras. You two aren't in love, you're in cahoots! I mean, there's something there, but it's not the same as Love-love. You know? Yours is more like...when you have a really good empanada! Like your grandma makes after you've had a bad day at school, and it makes you feel all warm and better inside...”

Hetty looked thoughtful for a moment, then confessed, “I've never had an empanada before.”

“Oh, yeah,” Flower realized, looking sad on her behalf. “And I bet your grandma probably didn't cook, either. Too fancy for that. Didn't even try to cheer you up when you had a bad day?” Hetty shook her head regretfully. “Anyway, you'd love them! It's beef and veggies and stuff wrapped up in dough and fried, then you put cheese on top and it's like mmm, good!” She closed her eyes, rubbing her stomach at the memory of it.

“So, you're saying my relationship with Trevor is on the same level as a spiced meat pasty?”

“Yup! But, it's like, made by someone who loves you when you're feeling sad.”

Hetty considered this. Was this like how Trevor had called her a perfectly ripe peach? Was there a whole food language that she was missing out on? “You know, Flower? You're not wrong.”

But the hippie was already off on a tangent, her lucidity slipping away once again. “...and then you grab another one for later and wrap it in a napkin and stick it in your pocket, and it feels so nice and warm against your leg. And then you meet up with Marcus in the woods and end up giving it to him because he hasn't eaten all day...”

“I—I get it, Flower, thank you,” she said dismissively, taking her leave once again. The more Hetty thought of it, though, the more sense Flower's long, wandering analogy made. What she and Trevor had was comforting, giving, and just a bit messy. Like a homemade empanada, apparently! “My god, those sound positively decadent! Flower's right, I would love one of those!”

That night, Trevor let himself into Hetty's room. He stood in the doorway, watching her as she looked thoughtfully out the window. Knowing better than to sneak up on her—she might just clock him!--he cleared his throat before speaking. “Hey there, Hetty-Cat.”

She smiled to herself before turning around to face him, giving him a longing look with shining eyes. One of them was going to have to admit that this wasn't just a simple ruse anymore. None of their friends were entertainingly disturbed by seeing them as a couple anymore. Sasappis was still baffled, but ultimately accepting. He was the one among them to give them the most space! Despite his love of drama, he knew better than to rock this boat. Even Isaac and Pete had stopped flinching so much at their public togetherness. What was the point? What if they both simply admitted that they liked this?

Trevor backpedaled, as if feeling the potency in her gaze. “Whoa! Hetty, I thought I told you not to look at me like that!”

She looked down and closed her eyes, “I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I just feel so...so very good.”

“I know, I know. I'm feeling pretty good, too. It's just...that look on your face, it's too much.”

Clearly making an effort to temper her expressive face, she stepped toward him with outstretched hands. He took them in his and her smile grew. She let out a breathy sigh as if she'd been waiting forever for someone to hold her hands. Her chest heaved with swallowed sobs, and she grew quite pink with emotion. She looked at their clasped hands and then back up at Trevor's face. They'd embraced, they'd kissed, they'd even engaged in sexual relations, but none of that truly sealed their pact to court like this. This...felt like a promise. Giving, accepting, sharing,...

“Oh, I would,” Hetty whispered urgently to herself, squeezing his hands. “You don't know what this means, but I would!”

In that second, Trevor guessed what holding her hands like this might signify to somebody so old-fashioned. “Whoa!” he cried, then tried to tug his hands away.

Hetty hung on fiercely, grasping harder and pulling them toward her. “No! Please! Let me...! Look, I know...I know it's not like...that. But...oh, I've wanted this! Dreamed of this! Let me enjoy it for a moment before it's over.” She stared reverently at their hands, tears falling.

Trevor stepped closer to her, gave her hands a squeeze, looking down at them as well. “It's all right,” he whispered. “Shhh...it's all right.” It spoke volumes to him that Hetty was more pointedly affected by less showy tokens of affection. Touching her cheek, holding her hands, fixing his tie. Those smaller gestures meant worlds to her. And it made sense. Like she'd said before, anyone trapped in an unfulfilling relationship had to learn to act “right” in public, to put on the appearances of a devoted husband and wife. Hugs, kisses, even sex were simply expected steps in their dance, and she'd had to appear appropriately fond of her husband in return. But Trevor was willing to bet that Elias had never held her hands, even genuinely smiled at her. When he recently reappeared out of his vault, the two hadn't even bothered to pretend to be happy to see each other. Trevor and the others hadn't missed that.

“Would you like to stay here tonight? With me?” Hetty asked, releasing her grip on him. He held on for just a second longer before letting go as well, and nodded. He took her in his arms and held her tight. Her happy purrs were music to his ears. If only he could get those old-fashioned notions of obligatory matrimony out of her head! This whole thing had been her idea from the beginning, but her “education” such that it had been, every fragment of her upbringing kept springing to the fore to tell her that she must be attached to a husband. She'd hated being married! She'd made no secret of it! In the time he'd known her, Hetty had made noticeable strides as an independent woman who didn't ask anything of anybody. She was her own boss, and she was a natural at it. Still, those were hard values to break away from, when it was so much of one's identity back then. Of course their mock courtship would bring these thoughts back to her, no matter how long she'd ceased to entertain them.

After breaching this awkward subject once again, Trevor felt that he had to make sure of something. “Hetty, tell me the truth now. Are you in love with me?”

Hetty actually recoiled from the suggestion! “No! No, of course not. I told you I don't believe in all that nonsense. I was...overly sentimental for a moment there, that's all. Your...touch just feels so very good. Tingles,” she added with a pleased wiggle that made her dress swish.

“Look, I get it, kind of. You never got to do this before. You never had a chance to be a hot, sloppy mess with someone. To try and make mistakes and try again. You didn't even get a choice when you were alive. So I get it. You can let yourself be a mess with me. I won't judge or tell anybody. You got all excited; if this was 18-something-or-other, it would make total sense that that's where this would be headed.”

“You have rather rolled out the proverbial red carpet,” Hetty admitted, excusing herself for her enthusiasm.

Trevor just smiled at her. “Let's get in bed.”

Those words made Hetty dry her tears, and she gave him an eager smile once again. “Yes, let's! Um, perhaps a bit more quietly than last time, though. The whole house heard us before, it was rather embarrassing!”

“Sure, good idea. Think you can be quiet when you...?”

“I shall do my best.”

Trevor felt Hetty lying against him, warm and solid as his imagination told him she ought to be. She was half asleep with a silly grin on her face. She'd barely made a sound the whole time, he'd been impressed! She'd expressed her pleasure in bitten-back moans and gasps. A few squeaks had eked out, but certainly not enough to rouse the whole house. Muffling her voice by pressing her face against him helped, too, and was surprisingly pleasant for Trevor! To feel the vibrations of her voice buzzing against his ghostly skin, it was a rather enjoyable tickling sensation! A feeling he wouldn't mind getting more of! Knowing that such muffled shrieks were fueled by her unbridled rapture made it even better!

“Good?” he asked simply, wrapping his arms around her.

“Mm-hmm. That was tickety-boo, my dear.”

“What?” He was too stupid and sleepy to bother translating her funny words. It seemed they were just getting stranger!

Hetty tutted in irritation. “Yes, it was good. Honestly, you can get some things from context.”

“Just making sure.”

“Trevor?" She murmured sleepily, "Why shouldn't we get married? I mean, we even like each other, that's pretty much a bonus!”

He shook his head, scooting away from her to cool off. “Like, yes. But we don't love each other. That much is clear. There's a difference.”

“I don't see what that has to do with it. Marriage is simply a contract, a union for mutual convenience. Ideally, people who enter into such an enterprise would have similar backgrounds, and an agreeable standing with each other.”

Trevor grinned with a light scoff. “And affection,” he quoted, right down to the correct inflection. Flower wasn't the only one who'd been raised on musicals!

Hetty scoffed as well, but for a different reason. “That's hardly the basis for such solemn vows. Marriage in the best of scenarios involves a mutual understanding, a sharing of duties according to one's strengths, the ability to provide--”

“And affection,” Trevor added again, waving a finger in the air and snickering to himself. What would his mother say if she heard him now? Probably proud of him in her own way, but she'd still give him a bop on the head for being a goofus. Then, he sat up, all humor gone from his face. “I mean it, Hetty, please just get it out of your head.”

Hetty sighed, conceding to him at last. “I suppose. It doesn't make sense to me, but if such things are so important to you...I suppose I'll have to respect that.”

“Thank you. We're still friends?” Trevor asked, holding his hand out to her. He was truly relieved that she was at least listening to him, even if she didn't like it.

“Of course,” Hetty replied, taking it. He shook it roughly, then draped his arms around her so they could nestle in together and drift off to sleep.

They slept soundly past sunrise and woke up fully dressed once more. Trevor felt something in his jacket pocket, a little fold of plastic about the size of a nickel that he'd been fidgeting with idly for the past two decades. He never thought to take it out, figuring it was just the extra button a new suit comes with. That morning, however, he pulled it out to examine it. He broke into a slow, gleeful smile and looked over at Hetty. She was curled up away from him, her arms crossed over her chest in the fetal position. She was snoring and muttering on the edge of wakefulness.

“Oh, Hetty...” Trevor sing-songed at her, nudging her shoulder. “Hetty-Cat...wakey-wakey!”

She growled out the end of a snore and jerked up blearily. “Uh? Oh...good morning, dear.” She squinted at him suspiciously. “Why do you already look like you're up to something first thing in the morning?”

“I have another courting gift for you.”

Hetty sat up, fully awake now. “Trevor, make up your mind. Are we courting in earnest or is this all pretend? Don't trifle with me, young man,” she scolded, remembering too late that that sort of talk turned him on. She snickered. “Did that get you hot under the collar?”

“Eh, a little,” Trevor answered honestly, still wearing that up-to-something grin. He sat up as well and placed what he found in his pocket into her hand. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and patted her back. “There you go.”

She stared at it curiously, looking at it from all sides, even though it appeared to be the same white powder all over, in a tiny plastic bag. “What is it?”

“What's it look like?” he answered, looking positively giddy.

“I...really don't know what it is. Can you tell me?”

“Wh--?” Trevor spluttered in confusion. He'd been certain she'd recognize it. She'd been craving it for decades from what he heard! “That's a little over a gram of cocaine! Premium stuff!”

Hetty looked at it again. “And it's a powder? How does one...take this?”

“Well, it'll be a little difficult now, you can't really tap it out onto glass or anything, but we'll make do.”

“No, but...then what? I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate it if that's what this really is, but...?” She looked lost.

“You know, you...” he held a finger against his nose and mimed doing a line of cocaine.

Hetty's eyebrows shot up incredulously. “You breathe it in through your nose? Curious!”

This wasn't adding up. In all the time that Trevor had known Hetty, she couldn't go a week without extolling the virtues of her favorite wonder-drug. “Wait, hang on. How did you take it?”

“Well, some took it as an injection, but most people sipped it out of a spoon.”

Trevor's eyes popped. “You drank it?! Holy crap!”

“Well, it was mixed, of course. Suspended in alcohol with a dash of cannabis, sometimes a little heroin, whatever other healthful ingredients the druggist mixed in that day. But it was mostly cocaine.”

This made him look more baffled still! “And, what, you took a spoonful of that every day? No wonder you died! How in the world did you make it to 50?!”

“It's really not polite to discuss a woman's age,” Hetty protested, her nose in the air.

“I can't believe it, I died from two little pills that mixed badly, and you were taking that stuff as your, what, like a daily health tonic?!”

“I mean, I didn't take it all of the time. Just if I had a headache or a bout of hysteria, or was low in spirits with the morbs. Oh! You said yourself it was probably good for that adding disease you mentioned earlier.”

Trevor nodded, allowing this. But it could hardly have been a controlled dose back then! Not when the druggist could just add whatever “healthful ingredients” to the mix that he wanted. “Yeah, fair point. Cocaine to take the edge off, little pot to keep you nice and loose so you don't freak, heroin for pain--”

“And the alcohol kept it fresh!” Hetty explained cheerfully. “So, how do we do this then? Do we share it, or...?”

“Oh, no, it's all for you. I'm not even sure how long it'll last, but it could be a nice treat for a few minutes maybe. And now that I know what that thing in my pocket was this whole time, it'll automatically regenerate every day.” Hetty looked pleased by that prospect! “So, I'm going to dump it into my hand, and you just sniff up as much as you can. Too bad I didn't die with a credit card or something on me.”

Hetty did as she was told and managed to get most of it. Trevor brushed his hands off on his jacket while he watched it take effect on her. She closed her eyes with a soft “mmm” and a serene smile. “Oh, that's just what I needed, thank you!” She opened her eyes, letting out a long, content sigh. “That feels so much better, you have no idea!”

Trevor helped her stand up and shake out her skirts. Hetty, by habit, gave him a petticoat to wear for the day. “I have never seen cocaine calm someone down before! I mean, with the way your brain works, I get it, but it's still funny!” He remembered watching his coworkers go absolutely berserk on it, including Hetty's great-great-great grandson. Fondness for the drug might run in the family, but their reactions to it couldn't be more different!

One pleasant surprise effect from the ghostly drug, that they would both discover that day, was that when it wore off, there was no rocky crash at the end. It simply vanished and that was that, leaving no lasting mark on its partaker.

Chapter End Notes: Yes, I did an inverted version of the "political question" bit from Fiddler on the Roof, because I was raised on musicals and I'm a giant dork.

Chapter 10: Shenanigans

Chapter Summary: Everybody is up to something. Hetty's friends see her looking a bit down, and so endeavor to cheer her up.

Predictably enough, after carrying on their dating sham for several days, life at Woodstone Mansion had gone back to normal fairly seamlessly. It ceased to be a novelty, and not even the biggest gossips in the house could find anything new to say on the matter. That was a big enough indicator that its expiration date was drawing near. Knowing that it wasn't going to last long term, and that the revenge aspect of it had burned itself out already, it seemed the logical conclusion. Even Hetty and Trevor seemed to have grown bored of drawing it out, despite the obvious perks. Putting on “the show” for their friends had lost its luster.

Sam and Alberta herded Hetty into the study with them for a round of girl talk. Flower, though, was conspicuously absent. She and Trevor were double teaming to trick Jay into making empanadas. Trevor realized that this was just the thing for him, it was good to get back into the normal swing of things after the week he'd been having. What he needed was some regular ghost mischief! He used his ghost power to manipulate the tablet in the kitchen, so that the recipe they selected would keep popping up no matter what Jay was trying to do. Eventually, the Living got the hint, but cast an annoyed look around the room, pointing accusingly everywhere.

“Want me to...?” Flower offered, gesturing going through him to make him more compliant. “I-I mean I can't always be sure what'll happen but...” she trailed off, shrugging broadly.

“Eh, save it, I think he's gonna cooperate. Still...it would be funny, though,” Trevor considered. Flower clapped her hands, beaming. She was on deck if it seemed that Jay needed that extra nudge.

“So, what's going on with you and Trev?” Alberta asked, not bothering to beat around the bush. She'd always been blessedly direct. “You seem kind of down. You two aren't fighting already, are you?”

“No, not that,” Hetty replied dully. “I...I just don't think I'm very good at this modern relationship business. There seems to be a bit more to it than in my day. We were much more to the point.”

Alberta nodded with half a shrug, “I know. I bet by now he would've asked for your hand already, hmm?” Hetty nodded with a sad little smile.

Alberta seemed the perfect bridge between Hetty's day and Trevor's. She was familiar enough with more old-fashioned customs, but was a wholly modern woman herself. More than anyone else in the house, she could understand them both pretty equally. Watching these two navigate that hundred-year gap between them was both entertaining and rather sweet. It proved that people were always and always would be people, when you got down to it. Trevor and Hetty were different in so many ways, but when they were together, none of that seemed to matter. All that anyone could see was two long-dead ghosts who couldn't keep their eyes or hands off of each other. They both seemed happier than she'd ever seen them before, just having someone to be silly with, to meet halfway. Hetty appeared to have helped tone Trevor down, to make him grow up a bit, while Trevor had helped bring out Hetty's inner wild child. Poor girl needed to let her hair down for a change. Nobody better to show her how than Party Boy here.

Sam broke in, feeling like her modern sensibilities were what was needed here. “You're right, things do go differently now. Nowadays, people date all the time with no intention of marrying.”

Hetty huffed. “It's not like I even want to! I mean, really, who wants to?! But it's...it's simply what's done! It's the entire point of courtship.”

Alberta grinned at her, shaking her head fondly. Here was her friend, talking about marriage like it was something to cross off an assigned to-do list. “You know, I'da paid anything to see you two alive at the same time. If he'd been around in your day or you'd been there for his. That would've been a sight to see!”

“Maybe you shouldn't worry so much about what's 'done',” Sam advised her ancestor. “If you're happy with what you have, maybe that's enough for now. I mean, you both have literally forever. You've known each other for twenty years, you've been courting for just under a week. Besides, I thought people took things slower back then.”

“Too slow, too fast, too slow, too fast, god this is annoying!” Hetty blurted out with a growl. “Oh, for the first time in ages I wish my father was here! He was an absolute brute, but he could at least arrange these sort of business matters!”

“Business matters,” Alberta scoffed. “Is that all it is?”

“That's all its ever been,” Hetty replied regretfully. “And all that someone like me could even hope for.” She stood up and swept somberly from the room.

Sam watched after her sadly, wondering what her life must've been like. She thought of herself and Jay, and how lucky they were without even realizing it. They hadn't married because they had to. They'd married because they loved each other and wanted to be together. That was something that Hetty couldn't even fathom! It must be like suggesting one get a root canal for the fun of it. It was something that had to be done, like it or not, or suffer more consequences down the road.

Fortunately, the solemn mood was suddenly shattered by the sound of Jay whooping wordlessly. They hurried out to investigate. Flower and Trevor dashed out of the kitchen into the foyer, nearly bowling Hetty, Alberta, and Sam over in their haste. They just barely were able to jump away from their path in time!

“It wasn't me!” Trevor burst out, not looking altogether convincing of his innocence.

“Wasn't me!” Flower parroted, looking equally to blame. Back in the kitchen, Jay was vocalizing nonsensically while a loud sizzling and bubbling sound overlapped in the background.

Sam rushed into the kitchen and found her husband, high as a kite, deep-frying something in a pot on the stove. “Ooh, boy,” she whimpered, seeing the tablet open and a wide array of ingredients spread out along the work top. “Jay? Honey? You okay?”

“Sam! Babe!” He greeted her delightedly, sounding like he hadn't seen her in years! “I'm great, thanks for asking! Look, I think the ghosts wanted me to do this. Can you ask them if I got this right?” He scooped up a surprisingly perfectly golden-brown empanada from the oil and set it on a cooling rack. Even baked out of his gourd, he was still a pretty good chef! Flower scurried back and stood over it, inhaling deeply.

“Oh, yeah, that's the stuff right there!”

“Yeah, Jay, that looks great,” she answered brightly as he sprinkled shredded cheese on it (and the floor) She turned off the burner and gently guiding him away from anything that might pose a danger. “But let's say we take a little walk while it cools, huh?”

“Oh! Like in The Three Bears! I love it!” He exclaimed, allowing her to take the upper hand. All the while, she was looking hard at the two ghostly culprits.

“Flower was all homesick. I found a recipe online close to what her abuela would make.” Trevor looked accusingly at Flower, “He was cooperating! He was going along with it! But somebody had to 'make sure'! And, well...” he trailed off, gesturing to Sam's stoned husband.

Sam snarled in irritation. “If I could make you clean up this mess, I would! I'll have to do it, but...” she growled again.

“Ooh! Are we being the bears! I can do it, too!” Jay cried excitedly, then proceeded to growl and roar, waving his hands in front of him like claws.

Experience told her that he would be like this for at least 45 minutes. Sam was already planning out how to spend that time that would cause the minimum of mischief. Naturally, she would let him have his fun, but under her careful supervision. Hopefully, Jay would simply become entranced with the clouds or some leaves for half an hour and take most of the duty from her.

Meanwhile, Hetty set her hands on her hips and surveyed the kitchen, looking from the stove and worktop to the two guilty ghosts. She remembered Flower's empanada analogy to her and Trevor's relationship and softened. That discussion must have triggered a walk down memory lane for the poor girl. It was easy to forget how young she'd been when she died. Of course bringing that up would make her miss her family. “Oh, don't worry. I'm sure you're not in any real trouble,” Hetty assured them. She actually looked amused in spite of herself. No real harm was done, and it did provide quite the diversion. Just when things were starting to feel stale and depressing. They needed some shenanigans to shake things up now and again. They couldn't let Sam and Jay get away with thinking that living in a haunted house would ever be boring!

Later on, Thorfinn had wheedled Alberta until she filled him in on what was going on with Hetty, why she looked so down and how things were so much quieter today. It didn't take much, Alberta was more than willing to spill, and there wasn't much else going on.

“Thor have idea! Ask Sam and Jay to throw party, like Hetty should have had when she became young lady! She miss out. Hurt her so bad!”

Isaac and Pete were well within earshot and immediately perked up. “Like we did for Stephanie?” Pete asked. “Throw her an old-timey prom?”

“Now that's an idea, Thor! Good thinking!” Alberta praised, clapping her hands excitedly. “Just what the poor gal needs. She's been feeling a bit of culture shock with Trevor. They'd started out well but they're finding differences now and that's dragging them down.”

“Want to see Hetty happy,” Thorfinn explained softly, shuffling his feet. “When Hetty happy, she sparkles... like ice cave in full moon!” That was clearly the most beautiful thing he could imagine. His eyes went slightly out of focus as he pondered such splendor.

Isaac had brightened at the suggestion as well. “Yes, an excellent plan! And she'll have a full dance card this time. Just the thing to keep things moving.”

“Ooo! Let's not tell her, let it be a surprise!” Alberta suggested, tugging on Isaac's coat and bouncing excitedly in place.

“All right, all right,” he agreed. “While the element of espionage may add to the difficulty--”

Thor banged him on the back. “We know! Brilliant military strategist! Lead the way,” he boomed.

“Well, we can't do anything until Jay recovers from his Flower encounter. And Sam will probably be angry for a while and unlikely to help in such matters unless somebody really butters her up. Luckily, even without the Livings' cooperation, Alberta can make the Alexa play appropriate music and we can at least have that much.”

“I mean, she might do it if it's for Hetty, since they're family and all,” Pete pointed out. “I know she doesn't exactly play favorites, but that does edge her out a tad.”

“True, true,” Isaac agreed. “I hadn't considered that. We'll just play our cards carefully, wait until she's less annoyed. And then, we strike!”

It took surprisingly little convincing to garner Samantha's cooperation. “We can't just reuse the same decorations we had for Ghost Prom, though,” she stated firmly. “If we're can go to all that trouble for a ghost I barely knew and didn't like all that much, I owe Hetty the same effort. She's waited a lot longer for her special day. Plus, she's family.”

By now, Trevor had been clued into it. The rest of the ghosts had spent the day in a veritable relay to keep Hetty occupied. Thorfinn had the ingenious idea of getting her to hover near Jay while he changed a few light bulbs in a remote area of the house, hoping for another possession opportunity! That kept her busy for a while, without rousing suspicion! Of course, Jay was in on it, and was doing his best to unscrew each one enticingly slowly while jiggling the fixtures just enough to keep Hetty in rapt anticipation. He knew the assignment! It was perfect timing, too! All of his meal preparations were done, and they just needed time to bake. This was the best possible way to pass the time.

“Almost, almost, little closer...” Thor inaudibly coaxed Jay while Hetty waited on pins and needles for him to sustain a shock. He didn't dare use his power here, though. Even Hetty agreed that it would be far too risky. Jay just needed a short jolt. Thor's power would have been far too strong. Somebody could get hurt!

“I'm surprised you're helping me with this, Thorfinn. I know my behavior that day wasn't exactly...gleaming.”

“You sure had fun that day, could be fun to try again! Besides, Thor not afraid of little spark! Ha-ha!” Although he inched away from where he stood underneath the ladder.

Hetty smiled at him, happy for his support in this. “It was fun. I highly recommend it. If he misses me and gets you, I want you to enjoy yourself! When you get tired of it, all you have to do is walk through the front gate and you'll be back to normal. Oh, look, he's doing another one. Oho! I can see the wires in that one! That's it, give it a wiggle. Come on, Jay, just a little spark! Just a zzzip! Quick zap! You'll hardly feel it. I don't ask for much, just temporary control of your body.” She turned to Thorfinn. “It's a fairly nice body, too. Pity he doesn't have any hips to speak of.”

“And puny backside,” Thor added. "How can Sam grab onto that?"

“Yes, that was a disappointment. But, we can't have everything, can we?”

After he finally replaced the last one, playing for an audience he couldn't see or hear but knowing he had them eating out of his hand, he wiped his hands on his pants. He checked his phone and saw the message from Sam saying that they were ready. “All right, Hetty, show's over. Why don't you head out to the hall now, there's something we want you to see.”

Hetty gaped at him, then turned to Thorfinn. “How did he know we were here?!”

Thor shrugged, “He know you like to try possessing him again. Small Man not stupid.”

“Go on, you body snatcher,” Jay coaxed cheerfully as he climbed down the stepladder. “Better luck next time.”

Hetty strangely enough found herself obeying, now curious what awaited her in the main part of the house. She was only beginning to suspect that watching Jay change the light bulbs with Thor was part of a plot to keep her out of the way when she stepped through the arched doorway.

The open room was festooned with garlands of flowers, foliage, and ribbons. Music she remembered from when she was young played from the Alexa. Jay scurried past them, hugging the wall to avoid going through them, to put the finishing touches on a few things in the kitchen. On second glance, Hetty saw that he was wearing a novelty t-shirt that bore the calligraphic words “Party Like it's 1895” with a silhouette of Sherlock Holmes on it.

Thor guessed that she might get embarrassed and try to bolt, so he grasped her firmly by the shoulders. “It's okay, Hetty. We throw you special party! Like all young lady should get!”

She stared up at him, her mind entirely awhirl. Then, she flung herself at him in a hug, utterly speechless. Then, Isaac sauntered up with as much pomp as he could muster.

“I'd forgotten something rather important when I gave Trevor permission to court you. You'd never been properly presented to society.” He offered her his arm, Hetty automatically took it, still in a stunned daze. “So now, such that it is, you shall have your coming-out, as is proper for all eligible young ladies.” He led her out onto the floor and everyone applauded, Jay joined in by taking his cue from Sam. “Ha ha! Hope you like eel pie and the rest of this, Sam, we'll be eating it for a week,” he muttered in her ear with a forced smile.

“If Hetty liked it, I'm sure it's all good.” The rest of the ghosts had taken turns gathering around in groups to smell the unusual feast. It was hit and miss, according to everyone's taste, but it made quite the spectacle.

“Still glad I skipped the boiled calf's head,” Jay put in. Sam nodded in agreement. He'd also bravely made a yeast-raised cake with plenty of brandy-soaked cherries and almonds.

Hetty looked all over, taking it all in. “All this for me? My...my own parents never even...” she trailed off as her eyes misted. Then she realized. “That's why.”

Trevor grinned at her from across the room, waving his hand in such a way to suggest a fan. “Beautiful,” he'd signed. Reading about fan language with Hetty had proved fun and educational!

Hetty soon realized that Isaac was still talking to her. She pulled herself out of her distracted state to listen. “I'm only sorry we can't give you a proper season, housebound as we all are. No chance to travel. Ooh, but we could go down to the shed if we want to continue the party there!” Hetty raised an eyebrow at him. He quickly brushed that idea aside. “Now, may I have the first dance?” Isaac asked.

“Alexa, turn it up!” Alberta commanded, and a lively tune from a string quartet played cheerily throughout the room.

Hetty looked a little shy still. “I haven't danced in years,” she admitted, taking the correct starting position with trepidation.

“It's just like riding a velocipede,” Trevor called out to her, getting a smile in return.

It was the coming-out ball that Hetty should have had nearly two centuries ago, and it was all she could have hoped it to be. Everyone got in a dance or two with her, even Flower and Alberta, with a varying range of success. Trevor kept getting goaded back in for more, despite his inexpert dancing skills. He did his best and they both enjoyed it, though, so that was what mattered. Thorfinn didn't even try to dance right when it was his turn. He simply spun and hopped with her around and around until they were both dizzy and laughing. Finally, at the end of it, Sam beckoned Hetty to stand behind her. She pulled a penny out of her pocket and tapped it into an open light socket. Hetty found herself thrust into Sam's body for a dance with Jay.

It was a curious feeling, that sudden togetherness with her descendant. Through Samantha, Hetty felt those sweet, warm feelings for Jay. They rested their head against his chest as he steered them around the floor. Sam felt a twinge of Hetty's jealousy, for their happy, healthy, respectful marriage. Hetty looked up and stared at him, feeling quite giddy, not to mention wrong-footed to have him looking right at her.

“I suppose this is a strange time for me to apologize for what happened...you know, with us,” she hazarded.

“Apology accepted, but I'll tell you what, I probably would've done the same thing,” Jay told her.

“I'm sure you would,” she agreed with an amicable laugh. “I think we may have a fair bit in common. I wish we could...oh, I don't know. No sense in wishing.”

Jay guessed the rest of her thoughts. “Yeah, me, too. We could've been a lot better friends. If we could, I don't know, both see and hear each other.”

Hetty grinned with just a touch of mischief. “I like you. Quite a bit, I must say. I would've been proud to have you as my son. You're a fine man and you take good care of Samantha. The two of you don't know how lucky you are.”

It was surprising to Jay how easily she could contort Sam's face into entirely new expressions. It made him wonder all over again what she looked like. She was sweet, hopeful, and just a little wicked. “Well, thanks,” he replied. “You're pretty terrific yourself.” The music stopped and the dance ended. The rest of the ghosts dispersed to other activities, leaving the two Livings plus Hetty alone.

“All right, I tried to make some of your favorite foods here, so let's eat,” Jay suggested, leading her into the kitchen to dish up. Hetty flinched when she was able to actually pick up a plate, but she quickly recovered. She'd done this recently enough. It was much easier, this time, to do it without her host putting up a fight. There was no struggle for dominance. Sam had willingly taken the back seat for this occasion.

Throughout the meal, Hetty found herself moaning indecently in delight. “Oh my god, Jay, how in the world did you do all of this?”

From where he sat across from her, Jay pulled out a slim booklet, yellowed and torn with age and use. “I think I might've found your old cook's recipe book,” he applauded himself.

“No! Well, that explains it! This is all just so perfect!”

“Well, I wasn't sure what I'd think of eel pie, but I figured you'd help put a dent in it anyway. I didn't even try to get my hands on beaver tail cuz I didn't want to end up on a 'List', but the eels and kidneys were easy enough to find. It's pretty close then?”

Hetty nodded, her mouth full, holding in naughty titters. She swallowed tremendously. “Absolutely wonderful. It's like going back in time. Plus, whatever is left over is perfectly good cold for breakfast,” she added.

Jay groaned at the thought, having luckily cleaned his plate already. “God, you people eat anything and call it breakfast. I did research, some of that looked nasty. But, I guess I can't judge. I've had leftover Pad Thai straight out of the fridge for breakfast before.”

Hetty pointed her fork at him with an accusing grin before getting up to go back for seconds, followed by a big slice of cake.

“I've gotta say, watching your feeding frenzy from this point of view is a lot better. How's Sam? Is she okay?”

Hetty nodded, “She's fine. I've offered to let her out but she says she wants me to have this. She's surprised that she liked the eel pie and the broiled kidneys.” She took a long drink of wine, rolling her eyes back in her head in bliss. “So hang onto those recipes, you might be needing them again someday.”

Once dessert was over and the kitchen was cleaned up, Jay called out loudly. “Hey, Trevor! Come with me and escort your girlfriend through the barrier. Time to get Sam un-possessed.”

Trevor obediently trotted out and gave them a cheesy smile. “My two favorite ladies.” Together, the four of them walked out into the darkness, down the long drive and through the gate. Sam and Hetty both stumbled on their respective sides, shaking themselves as if overcome with the shivers. Then, each of them took their escort's arm and returned to the house. There was something about the process that temporarily weakened them both. Both ladies walked on wobbly legs, clinging to their beaus for support as they made their way up the driveway.

On the way back inside Hetty asked Trevor, “So, was any of this your idea?”

“Actually, it was Thor's idea, and the rest of the gang went along with it. We all pitched in with ideas, Sam made a trip into town for the supplies, and then all we had to do was keep you busy while preparations were made.”

“Thor came up with this?” Hetty was amazed! That confirmed why he was so keen on keeping her out of the way. Jay had even been in on it, too! Suddenly, she felt as light as a feather, knowing she had such good friends. Tingles coursed through her, and a soft, cozy warmth. In that moment, everything was at peace! “Oh, I could stay here forever,” she sighed liltingly.

“He wanted to make you happy. Everyone thought you were looking kind of down today, we wanted to cheer you up.”

“Well, it was a resounding success.”

Sam clutched Jay's arm. “Aww, Jay, Hetty said that her party really cheered her up.”

“Oh yeah! Who can throw a ghost party? It's us!” Jay proclaimed, doing a little dance on the front steps. “Hey, I wonder if there's a market for that?”

“Doubtful,” said Sam with a shake of her head.

Back inside, Hetty and Trevor found the rest of the ghosts huddled in their usual living room. She smiled fondly at all of them. “Thank you all. That meant a great deal to me. I can't even think how I could repay you for this. It was an absolute dream come true.”

“We had fun, too,” Alberta told her. “And besides, what are friends for?”

Hetty's bottom lip trembled, not expecting to be hit by this wave of emotion. She strode over and hugged Alberta with all her might. She whimpered and sniffled, only now realizing how touched she was. She hugged each of them, getting some good squeezes back, and ending with Trevor. Even if he wasn't the mastermind behind it, he'd done his part, and it had all been wonderful.

Chapter 11: Final Preparations

Chapter Summary: Hetty and Trevor prepare for the natural end of their relationship. They both learned several new things, and opened themselves in ways they'd never anticipated. But all good things must come to an end.

The next few days passed fairly uneventfully. The day after Hetty's party, Jay managed to finish making the batch of empanadas he'd started for Flower, while thankfully not Flowered! The effort felt well worth it when Sam told him how over the moon the young ghost was. It was fun sometimes to take requests from the ghosts. Even if Jay couldn't see or hear them, and even though the ghosts couldn't actually eat any of the foods he made, it was his way of interacting with them. It may spark some memories or make them feel at home. One thing that Jay loved was a challenge, and another was learning new recipes. Best of all was if they came with some of the history behind them.

It was still hard to believe that Hetty and Trevor's courtship had only been going on for a week. It felt at times that they'd been together for months, or always! Perhaps that was just a ghost thing. When you're dead, days tend to blend together and huge swaths of time can just blur away entirely. This was especially true when one day was so much like the one before and the one after it. It had gotten better since Sam and Jay had moved in, they'd certainly livened up the place (pun intended), but it was still all too easy to feel time slip away without record.

The night before their scheduled breakup, Trevor and Hetty made love one last time. Hetty was voracious to the last, making Trevor wonder how he'd spent twenty years of his afterlife perceiving her as a sexless old lady. She was, in fact, a lady, but that was all that was right about his original assessment! It was easy for her to come off as older with her posh, high and mighty attitude. It was one of those instances, though, of the world aging her prematurely. She never got to be young and free, it was something Trevor was coming to realize that he'd taken for granted. Once she was unburdened from those expectations, it was plain to see what sort of person she might have been. She was funny, witty, tender, utterly insatiable, with a smile that could stop traffic. He wondered if Hetty would ever climb into bed with him after their breakup.

She certainly liked cuddling as much as the main event! Just being nestled close was balm to her neglected soul. As everyone had been quick to point out when they first declared themselves to be in a relationship: nobody had ever taken care of her before, alive or dead. It wasn't easy for Trevor to imagine, especially for someone he'd grown to care for. He grew up doted upon by his parents. He'd been wanted, he'd been loved. Learning about Hetty's upbringing made him realize all over again that not everyone was that lucky. Given her history, Trevor was kind of surprised that she was as open to him as she was. Then, he considered the flip side of the coin. She was almost instantly good at receiving his affection, but it clearly didn't come naturally to her to give it in return. She may be inherently selfish, but she'd never been taught generosity, it was an incomprehensible concept to her, when the opposite had been drilled in since birth. Then he considered another side of it: that while she was alive, anyone with authority over her had the power to just take what they wanted without warning or asking leave. To Trevor, that made her repeated donation of her petticoat all the more significant. For the first time, she recognized that he had a need, saw that she herself had more than enough of something that could help, and then just gave it to him with no strings attached. For someone like Hetty Woodstone, that gesture was monumental. It would have gone against her breeding, everything she'd ever been taught either formally or by experience. It made him appreciate it all the more.

Trevor shook himself out of these deep, wandering thoughts. He hadn't intended to give Hetty an entire character analysis on their last night together. He turned back to the matter at hand. This moment they were sharing together. It would probably be the last time they did this.

As they lay there, resting cozily, they described anew the things they liked about each other, as they did on that first fateful walk they took together. Both of them found it much easier to think of things this time.

"I like...how you look in my petticoat. I like how much you love your family. I can tell by the few things you let slip about them. You must miss them, they must miss you. I like how you can give me tingles. All over. They still haven't stopped, by the way. Your silly shorthand and the way you can make pictures out of punctuation marks. Driving Isaac spare with our fan talk! I just hope some of the man I've gotten to know over the past week was real. I would have married him. And I like how you can't stand it when I 'look at you like that,' whatever that means."

"I like how you can go from zero to incandescent when you laugh. I like the way you talk even more old-timey when you're angry or excited, even if I can't understand a word you're saying. I like the way your voice goes up and down, it's almost like singing. So very stilted and la-tee-da. 'You have no compassion for my poor nerves',” he mimicked, making Hetty choke back a laugh. “I like the way you look at me when I tell you not to look at me like that. I like when you let yourself be silly, giddy, happy. And if it was 1857 and you were about to get chained up with the Unspeakable One, I'd have swept you off and eloped with you, just to save you from all that. And I would've done my best to be as good as you think I am." Then, when he finished his speech, he leaned in and booped noses with her, making her let out a light breath of a laugh. And she booped him back.

They both basked in silence for a moment after that proclamation, that given the right conditions, they'd have married each other. As if they both felt the implications that their words of consent bound them in a tenuous soap bubble of matrimony. They smiled at each other for just a moment as husband and wife before it burst. They waved off the illusion, happy though it may be.

“How would that have played out?” Hetty wondered aloud. “I can see you driving up to the house in style, with a coach and four. Oh! With a big gold T crossed over a dollar sign for your crest on the door!” They both had a good laugh over that mental image. If they were going through with this made-up scenario, why not make it a little over-the-top? So, yes, a T-money coat of arms was absolutely in order!

“Hopefully I'd be fully dressed in this scenario,” Trevor added, staring off, imagining it as well. “Maybe a bit better at blending in.” They looked at each other and snickered, picturing him in period accurate attire. Sleek, form-fitting breeches and a tailcoat. A well-knotted lacy cravat, gilt-topped walking stick and a top hat. The height of fashion for the mid 50s.

“Think I'd need a signet ring? To match my carriage doors?” Trevor asked, chuckling at the mental image of his period costume. Like something straight out of his mother's favorite romantic movies.

Hetty's smile grew, her eyes far away in their made-up vision. “I should warn you, on the subject of one's clothes, I was even floofier then than I am nowadays.” She gestured with her hands, indicating a much fuller skirt than she was accustomed to. “Ladies could barely walk two abreast in the fifties!”

Trevor seemed unbothered by that. “Ever wear ostrich feathers?” He looked like he liked the idea of her all floofed out and frilled up like a giant cupcake.

This brought a guilty look to her face. “Maybe?” She'd long been a supporter of the Audubon Society to prevent unnecessary cruelty to birds, but it hadn't existed that long ago, and fashions of the time did favor feather trimmings. She brushed aside that guilty feeling by giving herself the pass that she didn't know any better back then. For all she knew, she was doing her time for that now! “Oh, god. That's why I haven't been sucked off. All those poor birds.”

Trevor looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Didn't you have little kids working in your factories? And you're worried about how you treated birds?”

Hetty shrugged, wide-eyed and perfectly innocent. “Well? What exactly is your point? We never hired workers under the age of seven. That's more than I could say for the competition.”

He just chuckled and brushed that notion aside. He doubted she'd ever fully realize the errors of her ways. Hey, at least she was good to birds. “So, once the butler let me in and summoned you--”

Hetty shook her head with a scowl, “He would have summoned my father first. It would have looked awfully suspicious to ask for me, especially if we weren't acquainted. But, I imagine he would have called for me once he got the idea that you were well off and eligible.”

“As long as I changed my name.” Suddenly, Trevor wasn't enjoying this game anymore. The Hetty Woodstone that existed in their thought exercise was so young, practically a child, however she was regarded as an marriageable adult back then. In a full-skirted dress and eternally damning pink dyed ostrich feathers trimming her hat. Still, if the choice was between taking her with him or leaving her for Elias, it was an easy one to make. “Would you have let me whisk you off if you didn't even know me?”

“All I would have needed was five minutes to pack. We gave you a carriage for a reason!”

Trevor shrugged an agreement. “So the minute he left us alone--”

“With Margaret,” she added, recalling her elder sister, doomed to be a spinster because of her mustache. Hetty couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy for her, though. She'd had freedoms that Hetty could only dream of! The two of them had been disparagingly called “Irish twins,” having been born within the same calendar year.

“Would she have helped us, or would she have tattled?”

“She would've created a diversion for us! All you'd have to say is 'Get ready, quick! Trust me, I'm a friend!' and I'd have—pshh!” she zipped one hand along her other, indicating she'd have been off like a shot! She nodded earnestly. “I'd have taken a ride from the rag and bone man! Or even an Irishman at that point!”

“Woo! Desperate times!" Trevor remarked. "Meanwhile, Margaret could have dashed into the kitchen to set something on fire or broken a vase or something, you would have packed up whatever you could at short notice. Valuables, mainly, clothes. You'd come running down the stairs, taken my hand, and we'd have been be off!”

Hetty closed her eyes blissfully, immersed in this vision. “To freedom!” Then, she sobered, her usual pout drawing her lip. “Except it's all impossible. That girl is gone, and all that's left is this.” For the first time in a long time, she looked rather depressed to be dead.

“Hey. I happen to like 'this'. No more of that talk.” He squeezed her hand and she made a low, pleased noise in her throat. “I like 'this' a lot. You're my friend. You're my cahoots. To be in cahoots is something really special. Got it?” She gave him a watery smile and nodded. Then, he skipped back to their previous discussion, as this one had become too awkward and depressing. "I like that I've been giving you all this attention for days and days and you're still not desensitized to it. Every time is still like your first." He drew his thumb down her lip, brushed his hand against her cheek. This brought on a sudden bout of ravenous kissing. Hetty rolled over on top of him, writhing, moaning, clinging! Gradually they slowed back down to a halt. They took a moment simply to breathe, then she rolled off and just smiled at him naughtily, as if she'd claimed him.

Then, she added her two cents worth. "I like how you make love to me. Both how I mean it and how you mean it. You make love so beautifully. And how you made me feel as if I were precious to you." Her heart fluttered at those words and she fought back a sob. "And you do have nice eyes."

"And I still love your bustle."

"I love...being in cahoots with you."

"I cahoots you, too."

Trevor then got up and started pulling his few clothes on. Hetty sat up in bed and looked at him quizzically. “Look, we're about to break up tomorrow, I can't spend the night in here. It'll just make everything harder in the morning. Start as we mean to go on, right?”

She nodded sadly and started doing the same. She turned her back to him and requested. “Be a dear and give me a hand with this? I'm all done up in the front, but I just need a tug to...just give the laces a pull to get me in straight.” It had been a long time since she needed someone to do that. Before this week, Hetty normally slept fully dressed. Needing someone to draw the laces of her corset felt...rather sweet. It was something she didn't realize she'd missed. She suddenly and unexpectedly missed her maid, that old, familiar company...

A second later, the shock melted off of Trevor's face as he got called upon to play lady's maid. He stood close behind her, parting her tumbled hair, kissing her exposed shoulder blades and the back of her neck, slipping his hands down her sides. Hetty stood perfectly still, indulging in this last moment of intimacy. Then, he did as he was told. It was just like tying a pair of shoes. He'd always heard that corsets were horrible things, but the way Hetty spoke of it, it wasn't bad at all. He wondered how much was exaggerated for the sake of a good story in this regard. It was perfectly shaped to her body, it wasn't made to give her a 15” waist by any stretch. It just complimented her shape and held everything in straight, just like she said. Trevor had a fleeting thought of trying it on himself!

“There you go. Need help with the back of your dress, too?”

“Would you?” Hetty looked over her shoulder at him as she was pulling it up. She gave him her best vixenish smile which he returned in kind. He kissed her neck again, getting a pleased little hum out of her. After he was done, they both looked like they wished they'd done this before. There was something enjoyable in the act that neither of them had expected. Of course, prior to tonight, they'd been content to let the dawn dress them. Trevor bit his lip with a soft growl as he adjusted her bustle, floofing it out into a rippling silken waterfall that had grown enticing to him over the past week. Hetty giggled; she had no idea what he found so attractive about it, but it was adorable that he did! She'd have to deploy this weapon wisely in the future, should she ever need to ensure his cooperation in anything.

“So, tell me...how am I looking at you when you tell me not to look at you like that?” Hetty posed once she turned back around to face him.

Trevor sighed, drawing a hand down his face. “You look at me like I was your last hope.”

“You weren't my last hope...just my first.” They hugged one last time, breathing each other in, not daring to kiss lest they become distracted. “I'm going to miss you.”

“I'll still be around,” he reminded her. “We'll see each other every day, for eternity.”

“Yes, I know, but we won't be...” she took his hand and pressed it to her cheek.

That gesture, now that he knew its meaning, stabbed Trevor through the heart. If he hadn't steeled himself for this conversation, he might have caved then. He'd found this seemingly stark lady's soft side and now she'd have to cover it back up. “You'll always be precious to me.”

Hetty drew back, her eyes shining with tears. “I love you.”

Trevor shook his head with a knowing smirk. “No, you don't.”

“No, I don't. I don't think I even know what love is. But if I did, would you stay?” She looked down, then back up at him, fidgeting with her hands.

Again, he shook his head, stepping apart the rest of the way. “I couldn't. I'm sorry. It's been great, you've been great, but we can't. We can't make this real, but I hope we'll be friends after this.”

Hetty nodded sadly, sitting down on the chaise longe. She looked down into her lap and sighed. Then, with a curious expression, she looked up at him and raised her eyebrow. “How do you know?”

“How do I know what?”

“How do you know this isn't love, what we have? I mean, honestly, how much more can there be? What else are you holding out for?”

Trevor shook his head. “Believe me. Yes, we're friends, we like each other, we turn each other on, but what we primarily have is lust. Lust is selfish, lust is about feeling good, it's hot and distracting. It's needy and demanding and now, now, now. Love is...softer, slower, gentler. It's selfless, it's more about making the other person happy. Love is, frankly, more boring than lust. It's familiar, quiet. There's no urgent need behind it. It just is.”

Hetty listened, she had to agree with how his descriptions matched up to how she felt, much to her dismay. He wanted more than she could offer. What he described sounded nice, but not necessary for happiness in her book. What they had now was more than enough, she couldn't imagine asking or waiting for more than this.

“You're an amazing person, Hetty. This has been fun, it's been great, and I'm honored that I got to do this with you. I'm glad we could get to know each other better, be better friends. I hope that can be enough.”

Not feeling altogether sure, Hetty still nodded agreement. “I hope so, too.”

“Now listen. Tomorrow's our big breakup. First thing tomorrow morning; so what I want you to do is hold onto all this sad you're feeling...and work it into mad. I want you to let me have it. You can accuse me of anything you can think of. Within reason, that is. Throw the book at me, call me every name you can lay your tongue to. That ought to be easy if you're all worked up in a temper. You'll feel a lot better, and it'll look authentic. All right? Word to the wise, yelling helps! You will feel loads better after you've shouted a bit.”

She nodded with a short, sharp, heartbroken noise pinched off in her throat.

“And please don't look at me like that.” And he turned to stalk out of the room.

Hetty battled herself, her desires conflicting with her pride, and for once her pride lost out. She called after him. “Trevor, please! Please stay! Don't leave me! I don't want to go back to how I was, how we were. I don't want to wait another century for someone to get d-desperate enough to figure I'd do. I want more. I want...I want to have this for real. You'd be such a good husband! I--!” She stopped herself, clapping a hand over her mouth. “You'd better go. Go now, while I'll still let you.”

By now, Trevor felt tears well up, too. He hadn't expected it to hurt them both so badly. He'd thought that for all their frisky fun times together, the bonds they'd forged, that they'd be able to walk it off like it was nothing. Only it wasn't nothing. “Hey. You deserve better.”

And he left. He'd never forget that tone in her voice, that look on her face. It broke his heart, but he stalked out of the room without looking back. He choked on a sob as he made his way to his room, only breaking down when he fell onto his bed. His bed felt cold and lonely after sharing Hetty's so many times, having her there to warm him. She'd called him a good husband, multiple times! How could she know what a good husband was like? He wasn't anything special. All he was was not horrible. She deserved far better than him. Why was it that doing the right thing always seemed to bite him in the ass? No, no time for self-pity. Trevor knew what he had to do next. Hetty had a soft spot for Thorfinn, she'd even admitted it to him, he'd seen her openly admiring him over the years but she was convinced he'd never notice her. The way they acted toward each other at her party, the way they danced! How he knew just how to keep her busy before hand. They trusted each other, without question. That was a rare gift to share with someone, absolute trust.

Trevor stopped his crying and settled himself to his next project. He'd get Hetty and Thor together if it killed him again! With the searing looks they'd shared, and some quite recently, he was sure it would just take a little nudge. Maybe they were both too afraid of rejection to act. Or afraid of damaging their longstanding friendship.

Hetty lay in her bed, fingers reaching, searching for Trevor. Tomorrow would be a big day for them, she'd have to really sell it, without burdening Trevor with anything too incriminating. What would be the reason for a dramatic breakup like that? The idea came to her quite simply: he didn't want to marry her. She could latch onto that and have it fuel her. Her tirade would simply highlight how foolish and immature he was, she could easily build on that. Hetty closed her eyes, still hot from crying, and fell into an uneasy sleep.

Chapter 12: The Explosion, Aftermath, and Recovery

Chapter Summary: Things come to a head and fall apart in their time, but Hetty and Trevor still have their friends to help them pick up the pieces. One relationship ends, a new one may begin!
Notes: In this chapter I include spoilers for the ending of Pretty Woman, Thelma & Louise and Legally Blonde.

That's it! It's done! Thank you all for reading and being patient with my slow process. This was fun for me to explore. I'll be writing more of this ship in the future, I expect!

The next morning, Trevor and Hetty woke before anyone else. They stood together in the foyer and watched the sun rise together, and seeing the rays of the sun work its magic on them, straightening their clothes and hair to how they'd been in life. They didn't speak, they barely acknowledged each other. The very atmosphere around Hetty was charged, she'd already worked herself into a temper and was holding it in for the optimal moment. They heard just one telltale whoosh sound of another ghost passing through a wall or door.

Hetty took a breath, steeled herself and launched right in. “How dare you! All this time! Honorable, you said! Make a liar of me, in front of Isaac? How dare you, you sniveling lobcock?! Play me false, do you? Why ask leave to suit if you meant none of it?!”

Trevor nearly applauded her, but he suspected that there was genuine hellfire in her words. Her shift in dialect also clued him in, she meant business! So that's how she was playing it, his failure to offer a proposal. He figured she'd go that route. Perfect! Because he had the perfect counter-argument up his sleeve. Neither of them would come out of this wholly in the wrong.

“I made no such promises; those were your expectations. Excuse me if I can't read your mind. I didn't know what you wanted out of a courtship! I'm not Colin freaking Firth over here! Welcome, by the way, to the 21st century!” He panted, gave her a nod.

“Well, of all the uncouth simpletons...”

“Besides, you know I couldn't marry outside the faith.” Trevor added hotly. Hetty flinched! He allowed himself a split-second of smugness at that.

She gave him the barest of inclinations of her head, she was impressed at how well he could volley her argument. This was going splendidly! “Trevor, we're dead! What could religion possibly have to do with us? You're not even observant.”

“I might not be, but it would be too weird,” Trevor gave a convincing squirm as if he really did find that to be beyond his limits. Maybe there was a fragment of truth in it.

“Weird?” Hetty challenged, seeing they'd gathered an audience out of the tail of her eye. She grabbed Trevor by the wrist and plunged his arm through the table. “And that isn't weird?”

Trevor flinched and yanked it back, “Gah! Don't! Different kind of weird,” he clarified, breaking character for a split second to point a stern finger at her, signifying that she was out of bounds and that grabbing him like that was not cool.

Hetty understood and made a brief apologetic gesture, taking a step away. “At any rate, you are a stuffed-shirt jackanape and a cad! We're through! It's over!” It felt infinitely better to be the one calling it off than to sit there and let him break up with her. And that had been the plan all along, he'd let her deal the parting blow as a courtesy. It was only right that she have that privilege.

“Fine!” he shouted, “See you at Thor's next cod lecture.” He only had a second's warning, her left arm tensed and the next thing he knew she slapped him across the face!

“Popinjay!” She hurled at him, eyes ablaze.

“Fussbudget!” Trevor spat back, feeling his smarting cheek.

Faintly from the crowd gathered along the landing, she heard Isaac assure Alberta, “He's fine. If she'd have meant it, she would've used her right.”

“If that was her left, I'd hate to see her right!” Alberta replied, awestruck at this spectacle.

Trevor stormed off to mope on the front porch. As he passed Hetty, he whispered, “Feel better?” She met his eye and gave him a barely perceptible nod. He touched her hand briefly before passing through the wall. Once he was gone, Hetty collapsed at the kitchen table, heaving with tears. It was over, it was all over! Even though this was exactly the way they'd planned it from the beginning, it was still a blow. They'd lasted just as long as they'd planned to; perhaps even a little longer. Long enough for it to start to feel real. Just a few hours ago, they'd entertained the notion of eloping, imagined a whole story around that! He'd helped her dress! The past few days had been a whirlwind of discovery and untold joys and it was all gone again in one fell swoop. Hetty had had everything she'd ever dreamed of and more, it had gone beyond her most fanciful hopes and desires. Trevor had been a good man, a good friend, an excellent lover. She cradled her head in her arms and mourned loudly.

Out on the front porch, Trevor sat on the steps, dragged down by a similar grief. Why couldn't they have been good enough? Why did he have to insist that they both deserved better? Why couldn't he have just been happy, as Hetty had been, with what they had rather than pin his hopes on something that might never even come? Maybe Hetty was in the right, taking advantage of opportunities as they came, not bothering about whether it could be better. Just enjoying the good she found while it lasted. They'd both been happy, hadn't they? But in his heart, Trevor knew better. It might be good enough for now, for a short fling, but if they had made any plans for the long haul, things would have had to change. They couldn't make themselves or each other love each other for real. It either happened or it didn't. He couldn't ask her to give more than she had, and she wouldn't ask him for more than he could provide. Still, he wept. He wept for himself and his own loss, and for causing Hetty such pain.

Back inside, Thor was the first to come to comfort Hetty. He sat down in the next chair and patted her shoulder. She put her hand over his and squeezed. Finally, he braved a question. “What jackanape?”

“It’s a boastful, foolish, good-for-nothing,” she muttered distractedly. She wasn't really in the mood to talk about this.

“Ha! We just say Dane!” That actually got a weak smile and titter out of her. “Your word more fun to say, though. Jackanape! Trevor is big jackanape!” He laughed heartily over it, the syllables, the heavy consonants! It was very satisfying to say. “Hetty, you'll be okay?”

She nodded. "It was fun, but I suppose it just wasn't meant to work long-term. We're just too different. I mean, you and I are different, too, but it's a....different sort of difference...do you agree?"

"Thor and Hetty go way back. Friends forever! We different but we still understand. I hear you all the time having to tell Trevor what you mean when you talk all fancy. I don't talk fancy, but I understand. I like to hear your fancy talk. It mean you feel safe. Like alive."

"Yes. We have something special. I'm...grateful for you, Thorfinn."

"Trevor puny man with no pants. Is handsome, and has cool power, so I see why you try him out."

"Yours is more reliable, though. I've always liked it."

"Except when burn down gazebo." Thor still looked guilty about that. It had been an accident, but it hurt his pride and made him look foolish.

"I didn't tattle on you, you did that yourself!: Hetty reminded him, glad for this change in subject for now. Now that the gazebo incident was more or less ancient history, they could look back on it and laugh. There had been something unifying about the four of them getting in to trouble together. “I was willing to take that to the gr--well, not the grave, I'm already in there." She wrinkled her nose distastefully as she pondered that.

Thor put a comforting arm around her and pulled her in for a squeeze. She didn't resist in the slightest, having grown accustomed over the past week to being cuddled and touched, it made her realize how much she liked it, and how much she would miss it now that it was all over. Hetty cuddled back for a moment before getting up to move to a less occupied room.

Flower took that moment to wander in while everyone else was leaving Hetty alone to be sad. She casually sat next to her on the couch and said, “So you and Trevor aren’t in cahoots anymore?” At this abrupt way she pointed out their breakup, Hetty burst out crying again. The wound was still too raw, despite her determination to put a brave face on. “Oh no, I’m sorry! Uh…you can be in cahoots with me if you want?”

Hetty awkwardly swallowed a sob, shocked out of her crying. She looked over at her, a question forming on her face, but she dismissed it before it had fully come into being. Instead, she patted the hippie on the knee with a sincerely grateful look. “Thank you, Flower, that’s very sweet of you to offer.”

"Hey, I know you were only in cahoots with him, but Trevor was way nicer to you than the Monopoly guy."

"Yes, he was," Hetty agreed, roughly guessing that Flower was referring to Elias as “the Monopoly guy.” He did have a monopoly with the mill, but how did Flower know that?

"Think you and him will be friends once you're done feeling mad, sad, and bad about it?"

"I hope so. I think so," Hetty nodded. They'd gotten too close, become too dear to each other, to simply cast each other aside over this. A wicked smile grew on her face as she pondered communicating with him with fan language sometime again in the future. She still wanted his friendship, and hoped that he still wanted hers.

"You can feel mad, sad, and bad about it as long as you want, though. That was like, such a big thing! All the kissing and hugging and goofing around. I'm glad you got to goof around. That's important! Not to mention all the sex! Man, he turned you inside out, didn't he? So you're gonna miss it for a while. It hurts when something fun is all over. So, take your time and just let yourself feel it. Y'know?"

Hetty had to sit back and bask in what good advice that was! Too often, she and the others brushed Flower off as being a spaced-out irritant with nothing to contribute. But, no; the girl might be permanently loopy, but she had lived and learned quite a lot in her mortal and ghost life She was no different than the rest of them, really. Hetty looked at her fondly, running a hand through her rough hair. "When did you get to be so wise, Flower?"

The rest of the day passed quietly and awkwardly, everyone was giving Trevor and Hetty a wide radius to give them whatever semblance of privacy their living arrangement allowed. Occasionally, one of the ghosts would approach one or the other, offer some words of sympathy or support. Most of them seemed surprised to see that Trevor was just as upset as Hetty was. He sulked and groused in a corner, out of his usual spotlight, heaving moody sighs. Flower had suggested they form a big, group cuddle pile, because that's what they'd always do in the cult when someone was sad. This suggestion was dismissed squarely by one and all.

“Maybe later, hun,” Alberta amended, softening it for her. The others chimed in with half-heartedly muttered agreements. That seemed to take the sting out the rejection enough for her and she went back to staring at her hands with rapt attention.

Isaac sought Trevor out, having just tended to Hetty. As easy as it would have been to completely side with her, he knew that would be unfair. Neither of them was entirely in the wrong, and they were both hurting because of it. “I want you to know, I don't blame you. Hetty is my dearest friend, but I know you care for her as well. Sometimes, these things just don't work out. Look at me and Beatrice; we both tried our best but...sometimes even our best isn't enough.”

“Yeah, you couldn't help that, either. Man, I'm going to miss her.”

“I mean, you will still see her every day, there's no getting around that,” Isaac reminded him.

“I know, I know, but we won't be...” he trailed off, unconsciously echoing Hetty's words from last night. He stopped himself. They'd always be precious to each other, even now in the smoldering wreckage of their fake relationship. If she snapped her fingers, he'd be at her side in an instant. To pet and console her, to try to make her laugh. She was dazzling when she laughed!

“Now, don't beat yourself up--”

“Yeah, I'll just let Hetty do that,” Trevor chuckled weakly at his own joke. “She's got a helluva left hook.”

“Her backhand isn't bad, either. Watch out for that one,” Isaac agreed. “The point is, you both were asking for more than the other could give. She expected a proposal, you can't marry outside your faith. Perfectly understandable. You could hardly ask her to convert for you at this point, and she couldn't ask you to compromise your own standards. So, here we are. I'm sure she still cares for you. Perhaps this courtship business was a bad idea.”

Trevor shook his head assertively. Despite the rocky ending, this might've been the best thing that had ever happened to either of them. To take it all back, to have all that never happen would be devastating. “No. No way. I'd do it all over again without changing anything. This had to have been the best week of my afterlife. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.”

Isaac smiled wistfully. “She seemed to have enjoyed it as well. Her first caller. What a milestone. Our Hetty's all grown up.” Both men shared a congenial laugh over that. “Thank you for giving her that. I'd never seen her so happy.”

“Oh, man, she sparkled! I've never seen that before! All that was inside her this whole time! Wow...” Trevor sighed, picturing her spread out beneath him on her bed, her dewy eyes, her grasping hands. She'd waited her entire existence for this to happen. She was voracious, as if she was in fact trying to make up for over a hundred years of loneliness and frustration in a single week. The way she clung to him in her sleep, making those soft crooning noises, pressing her cheek to him. So sweet. And it wasn't just the sexual side of things. During their courtship, Hetty gave her smiles far more freely, and he'd grown accustomed to hearing her laughter and her content sighs. Those gazes that pierced his soul. The way she'd touch his hand, his shoulder. The way she would nuzzle him softly before a kiss. Although she never did come up with an overly cutesy nickname for him! He'd have to tease her about that once they were back on teasing terms with each other. “I'm...honored that I got to be the one to see that side of her. She was so gone; she kept telling me what a good husband I'd be. I should've known that that was on her mind, but I didn't have the heart to end it until...”

“Until it came to a head this morning. Like I said, nobody is assigning blame. We can all be friends after this without taking sides.”

“To tell you the truth, when you came up to me just now, I thought you were going to start shouting at me in old-timey gibberish again,” Trevor confessed. “I've learned some more of that over the past week! Thought you'd challenge me to a duel, to 'demand satisfaction'. Whip me for the upstart popinjay that I am.”

Isaac patted him on the back. “I wouldn't dream of it.”

Trevor settled into a comfortably wistful smile. “I liked it when she'd talk like that. It was cute.”

That evening, Sam leaned against the doorway to the parlor where Hetty was sitting alone, sighing to herself. Fake relationship or not, Flower was right, it was all right to be sad when something fun was all over.

“Hey, Hetty...I'm putting together a movie night for us girls...and Thor, for some reason. He wanted to join in, if that's okay. Might help you feel better. We're watching Pretty Woman, Thelma & Louise, and Legally Blonde.”

“All right, I supposed I can join you,” she agreed, standing slowly, fluidly, and following behind Sam. She caught a glimpse of Trevor and paused. “Samantha...I'll be right behind you. I just need to...um...”

“Sure, sure,” Sam agreed understandingly, letting them have some space by going in ahead to get set up. From the next room, they heard her click on the stereo and mutter, “pump it through the big speakers” excitedly to herself.

Trevor smiled, shuffling his feet awkwardly, not sure where they stood now. “Hey.”

“Hello,” Hetty replied stiffly. She regarded him uncertainly, almost as if they were strangers again. She looked down at her hands and then back at him.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Samantha has organized a movie night with the girls, and Thorfinn, apparently, to help raise my spirits. Pretty Woman...?” She faltered, having already forgotten the other titles.

“Oh! You'll like that one!” Trevor assured her. “It's based off of La Traviata, but set when I was alive, actually.”

“Fascinating! But...how is that supposed to cheer me up? Unless she means it to set off a 'good cry' as she calls it. Seems to be a prescribed ritual at a time like this. Either way, I appreciate the thought. I'll be sure to tell you about it tomorrow.”

“Enjoy. Good night, Hetty-Cat.”

An impulse suddenly gripped her and she reached for his arm. “Wait, please, I must know. Now that our...cahoots is all over, I'm curious how much was real and how much...wasn't.”

Trevor sighed somberly, putting his hand over hers, an automatic gesture that brought a smile to both of their faces. That touch, that familiarity, it was still nice. “I think that's a longer conversation for another time. It'd make you late for your movies.”

“At least tell me if that adding disease you told me about is real. Or if that was all part of the act.”

It took Trevor a second to realize what she meant. “Oh! You mean what I said about ADD! Yeah, that's real, and I'm pretty sure you've got it. It's not really a disease, per se, but...short answer is yes. That wasn't pretend.”

This evidently pleased her very much. “Oh! Good. This might sound strange but it made me very happy to hear about, to think that I wasn't some sort of fluke. Finding out I wasn't really bad and stupid.” Her eyes darkened again as she dipped into shameful memories, but she shook herself out of it a second later. She was none of those things. That discovery alone made it worth the pain of their parting.

Once again, Trevor was glad to have given her that comfort, that knowledge about herself. It must have validated much of her life's experiences to have a name for it! Whatever else happened as a result of their relationship, he'd always be grateful for that outcome.

They stood stiffly, both of them looked ready to spring, to take the other into their arms, to take it all back and decide good enough was good enough. Instead, they just nodded with plastered-on smiles as they parted ways.

Sam, Flower, Alberta, Hetty, and Thorfinn all gathered around the big screen TV. After the first few minutes, it was easy to forget that their opening movie was based on a tragedy, soon it slipped their minds altogether. They were simply absorbed in enjoying the story as it unfolded. Thor loudly offered comments throughout.

“Thor would fight Puny Bald Man! He rude and mean for whole movie! He hit the Pretty Woman!” he roared near the end of the movie, making Hetty giggle and the others shush him. When it got to the part where the Edward and Vivian parted ways, Alberta and Hetty were in floods of inconsolable tears. Alberta offered a whole sleeve of her jacket for Hetty to dry her eyes on while they carried on through the heart-rending ballad of lost love. Flower just stared sadly at the screen, whimpering that it was making her miss Ira.

“Oh, god...she's going to finish her education and she's providing for her friend! Oh, I can't bear it!” Hetty sobbed. “She has plans! And...and...”

Alberta was no better. As the only two in the audience who had seen the opera that inspired the movie, they looked like the odd ones out in their boo-hooing.

“Is very sad,” Thor agreed. “Edward good man, now gone forever, but Pretty Woman is strong and brave.” That just set them off crying even harder.

Then, just as the older two women were bracing themselves for the worst, romantic music swelled and a white limousine drove into the scene. When Edward appeared, brandishing his umbrella like a sword, calling for his princess, Alberta and Hetty shrieked! They hugged and cheered and clapped!

“He came back! He came back!” Hetty gasped, sobbing again. “Oh! They changed the ending for us! I'm so happy! Thank you, Samantha! I feel so much better already!”

Flower clapped and whooped as well, “I knew he'd come back! Aw, I love love!”

Sam looked on in bemusement, taken aback by her friends' emotional displays. “I'm glad you liked it!”

“Thor happy, too, but not crying. DON'T LOOK AT THOR!”

Hetty just laughed and reached over to hug him as well. “Of course not, of course not.” She'd gotten used to being touched and hugged, it felt so good! She gasped softly, stiffening a little in surprise when she felt Thor kiss the top of her head. When they drew apart, she stared at him, interestedly. Thor looked back, as if bracing for her scolding. Instead, she smiled sweetly at him, bringing a hand to touch his face.

“Wait. Wait,” Thor gruffly said. He knew better than to catch Hetty too soon on the rebound. Still, he touched her cheek in return, smiling back at her. “Not yet.”

She nodded, seeing the wisdom in his words. They may have been few in number, but they carried plenty of weight. Someday, though, he as good as promised. Someday, when she was ready and not freshly broken-up and lonely.

They sat raptly through the other films. The end of Thelma & Louise left the ghosts stunned!

“Honorable death,” Thor announced, overcome with emotion. “Valhalla awaits those brave ladies. They remind me of you and Alberta,” he added, nudging Hetty. “You're Louise, Alberta is Thelma.”

“I did hold up a speakeasy once,” Alberta admitted casually. “Bet it'd be no different than holding up a general store like she did. And we've all seen what you did to the last man who wronged you! 'Go to Hell!' and he did! Just like Louise in the parking lot! Pow!”

“I robbed a bank once! Did I ever tell you guys that?” Flower piped up, getting grumbled assents from everyone in the room.

Hetty gave a cautious smile, warming up to her reputation as a bad-ass. She gave a pleased little wriggle in her seat and took Alberta's hand. She pulled her in for a cuddle, knowing now how much Hetty needed it. Finding out how drawn to touch Hetty was broke down a wall between them; Alberta was a natural hugger herself!

“Thank you,” Hetty whispered, patting her friend's arm.

“Any time, princess.”

Sam could hardly wait to fire up Legally Blonde, it was one of her absolute favorites, her guaranteed cheering-up movie. Together, they watched the lighter girl-power flick, and Hetty didn't once remark that she was against women going to college. Instead, her eyes grew wide, soaking it all in. This entirely different world that she and so many others never got to take part in. They were dragged over the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows of Elle trying to find her place in law school, to prove to herself and others that she was capable of being more than she appeared to be.

Then, it came to the final courtroom scene, when Elle was cross-examining the daughter of the murdered man, trying to poke holes in her seemingly iron-clad alibi.

Alberta and Hetty exchanged looks almost immediately though! They shook their heads together, pointing at the screen. “Something doesn't smell right,” Alberta said, watching avidly.

“She says she had her hair set that day, why would she wash it later? It would be all be all limp!” Hetty agreed, patting her own curls. “I don't think she was in the shower at all!”

Sam looked over at them with a giddy smile; they'd cracked the case before the reveal! Which made it all the more satisfying at the end! Hetty and Alberta jumped in their seats and laughed triumphantly!

“I knew it! I knew it!” Hetty clapped. “I could've been a lawyer!” She flung a hand over her mouth in surprise. What made her think such a thing, let alone say it out loud?!

“See? There's nothing wrong with your 'female brain.' So no more of that talk. Promise?”

Hetty nodded resignedly, “Yes, yes. I'd already promised Trev--” she cut herself off from saying his whole name. They may not have been dating for real, but she would certainly miss the rascal. “Oh...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin...He didn't like when I said those things, either.”

“No, no, that's fine,” Sam assured her, reaching over in a suggestion of a pat on the shoulder. “You didn't ruin anything.”

“He was so sweet to me. If I spoke badly of myself, he'd tell me, 'That's my friend you're talking about. Be nice to her',” she murmured sadly, heaving a dramatic sigh. “Oh, I'll be all right. It's just...like Flower said, it's sad when something fun is all over.”

Alberta nodded, nudging Flower, who was in the middle of one of her trips by now. “That girl knows a thing or two, when her head's on straight. God knows when that is!”

Trying hard to snap herself out of her dip into sadness, Hetty girded herself. “That...that boy is an addle-pated, cork-brained ninnyhammer with more teeth than brain cells.”

“And you loved him,” Alberta added, coaxing Hetty in for another cuddle. While she didn't confirm or deny it, she accepted the cuddle from her friend. Hetty certainly wasn't going to let herself go back to being untouched and untouchable. She still had plenty of lost time to make up there!

“I shan't let it trouble me,” she attested stoutly, determined not to mope over him for too long. “It's not like I'll never see him again. He'll be woefully underfoot until one of us gets sucked off.”

For a few days after their breakup, as the dust was still settling, the ghosts and Sam slowly noticed there was something different in Hetty's walk. It was smoother, straighter, certainly less energetic. No one could quite put their finger on why it stood out, except Trevor.

“Hetty walk different now,” Thor remarked to him out of the blue, gesturing broadly at Hetty's wake.

Trevor groaned, bringing a hand up over his face. “Yeah. She's upset about the breakup, so she's denying me. Publicly. She knows how I liked the way her dress moved when she walked, I told her that when we first got together. Now she's punishing me.”

“Ha! Very clever!”

“I think she might be punishing herself, too. She likes making her bustle bounce and swish, it's one of her fidgets, you know?”

“Thor put bounce back in her bustle!” he affirmed confidently, slapping his chest. "Unless is too soon?”

Trevor shrugged, patting the Viking on the shoulder. “You'll have to ask her. Be my guest.”

By the end of the next week, Hetty seemed much better already. She stood in the kitchen one morning, holding court among the ghosts and Livings. She gave Trevor a playful bat on the shoulder, pleased that she could address him again without feeling sad. “I have no regrets about our escapade. I learned a great deal, had quite the enjoyable time, experienced all manner of courtship rituals, and didn't even have to get married at the end of it!”

That last comment was unexpectedly jarring! “Hey, hang on!” Trevor objected. “You didn't want to get married?”

“Heavens, no! No woman wants to get married. It's just something that has to happen eventually. If you're alive and don't want to be a burden on your family. Fortunately, I've done my time, as they say. I enjoyed it, I really did. I mean, I got very lucky. Extremely lucky.”

“Yeah, we get it,” Sam interrupted in hopes of derailing her.

Hetty took no notice, feeling bold enough to boast of her sexual conquests, and she wasn't going to stop until she was ready! “I was unbelievably lucky!” She gave a very pleased wiggle with a musical sigh of content. “And at the end of the day, I'm free as a bird!”

Trevor stood there, agog. “Did...she...?” He paced blearily a little bit away from the group, barely seeing what was in front of him. “Hetty Woodstone slapped me around, tempted me sideways, and is just walking away whistling?!” He looked back over at her, admiration shining in his face. “The student is now the master! I'm so proud of you! But, you'd said before, that if I'd asked, then you'd have married me.”

“And did you ask?”

“No. That was one of the reasons we broke up!”

“So? What's the problem? I know you didn't want to get married, either. You were still wrong to lead me on under false pretenses. You could've at least asked. I wouldn't have been opposed, you know.” The look she gave him was softened with sheer sincerity. Was she trying to give him one last chance?

“Well, saying something like that suggests that you kinda wanted to.”

“Oh, fiddle-faddle. All I meant is you would have been an acceptable choice and that I would have come and stayed willingly. I wouldn't resist or try to run.” Trevor just shook his head at this wonderingly. They obviously had very different ideas regarding what marriage involved!

“Like she did with Elias!” Thor put in helpfully. Hetty turned to look at him questioningly. “I was there, remember? I tried to help you get away, night before your wedding.”

“That was you?!” Hetty exclaimed rapturously. “With the lightning and the tree branch falling against my window? Oh, I'd hoped that it was you!” She flew to his side and gave him a hug. It had been long in coming, but this latest revelation showed her even more that he'd always been her friend.

“Thor always love Hetty. Sorry it didn't work,” he whispered gruffly in her ear, hugging her back, surprised that she didn't seem to mind the smell of his pelts. Trevor watched them approvingly, that was an excellent starting-off point! He'd see her properly taken care of if it was the last thing he'd do! And he was certain that Thorfinn had the fortitude and ability to satisfy her every need. They were both secretly old softies at heart.

As much as she wanted to plunge ahead into a relationship with the Viking, Hetty knew she still needed time. Resting time, to recover from her ordeal. Still, he loved her! And, if she was being honest with herself, she'd find that she loved him back. He'd been her right-hand man for her whole afterlife, and despite their outward differences, they'd often operated in tandem with each other. There was a long-standing trust and understanding that could not be denied.

The rest of the ghosts and Sam watched Thorfinn gently extricate himself from Hetty's embrace, only to kiss her hand and touch her cheek. “Give it time,” he advised gently. “I'll be here, you'll be here. Much happen in a short time. Will be good for not much to happen for a while first.” She nodded, letting him slip away but sparkling with promise. She looked over at Trevor with raised eyebrows and an exaggerated grin. He gave her a double thumbs-up, nodding with a sly grin. The others all filed out around them, seeing that the show was over.

“You know, Trevor, all those times you told me I should aim higher than what we...were playing at, I never understood how that could be possible.” Hetty looked out the door to where Thorfinn had previously been. “I see it now. Thank you, for everything.”

“My pleasure. It was a learning experience for both of us.”

Hetty grinned, nodding thoughtfully. “A most diverting practice run. And practice begets improvement.” And with that, she gathered her skirts and swept off to the next room, swishing perkily away with every step. Trevor watched after her, both of them feeling entirely satisfied.

END

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